Hey everyone.
I think I'm now unofficially engaged, and about to be officially engaged in a week.
I was talking with my girlfriend on MSN, and she has been very unsure about me. Coming from a different culture, being 5 years younger than she is, and not speaking Chinese, she isn't sure if I'm a safe bet. So I have been very supportive and tried not to push.
I was going to ask her in October if she wanted to marry me, that way we'd have the summer to think it over carefully since she knew I was planning it anyways.
But tonight we were talking about marriage and family, and babies. Unfortunately my not trying not to push her, it sounded like I might not want to marry her. So I said I did want to marry her, and not thinking said "If I asked you to marry me would you say yes?"
She said yes.
So we're meeting next Friday (we're both very busy), when unless she has changed her mind, I'll pop the question.
Now my only thought is, do I buy the ring without her, or do we pick it out together?

So yeah. My happy bachelor days will soon be behind me.

Congrats, Dom! :)


And about the ring, do what you think she'd prefer.

It's such a nice surprise when the girl has no idea that you are purchasing a ring. I know when my hubby gave me my new wedding band, I was so excited. I had no idea that he was replacing the old one (it broke :( ). So I say go for it and buy the ring and have on Friday. It adds so much to that "moment".

Thats what I thought.
I have in my free time been looking at rings, and I found a nice one two weeks ago that is around my price range. So yeah. I think I'll pick it up on Sunday.
Damn this was a surprise.

Edit: Thank you both.

Congrats!!!

That's great news, Domoviye!

I'll save the congratulations until it's official though. It will be more meaningful that way.

I think it's special, bonding opportunity to go selecting rings together. But you could always get her a "placeholder" ring, with the clear understanding that it's only so you can share in the wonderful experience of choosing rings together.

Best wishes, amigo!

I like the idea of a place holder ring.
Go out for dinner give it to her, and than tell her to come with me as we pick the best ring possible.
Thanks Cog thats a great idea.
Thanks Rumpole.

much nicer calling it a promise ring. place holder sounds like a book marker.
pick that up without her. but since an engagement ring is forever worn let her at least
get one she loves.
I know you have great taste but it is her finger.

Good point lessa, about "promise ring".

You may find she has particular likes and dislikes about rings you don't know about. My girlfriend is a Registered Nurse, and as such is continually using exam gloves. A ring that stick up is out of the question for her. Furthermore, her skin is sensitive to certain metals, so she has to wear only particular alloys. Also, she has certain preferences about what kinds of stones she likes.

It would be a terrible shame to sink a large amount of money into a ring she cannot wear or secretely hates.

Actually Lessa she doesn't seem to like my taste in jewelery. I've bought her a few pieces and the only ones she wears are ones we pick out together.
Edit: You're right Cog. I put a fair bit of money towards a bracelet and a necklace I thought were nice, and she's worn them a few times, but not often. She prefers the cheaper stuff we pick out together.

I am extremely happy for them and not the least bit surprised.
Making quick life time choices in wives seems to be a family trait.
Just hope that they will be as happy as his father and I have been.
And I think talking to them both and listening not to the words but the
feelings behind them they will be together for a very long time.
So mom approves

YAY!!!!
Now if only the butterflies in my stomach agreed with you.
Or maybe its the last bit of food poisoning I got 2 days ago.

You ate poisonous butterflies???

Nope as I remember it is the butterflies.

No Cog, just their souls.
Unfortunately souls are much harder to pass than the bodies.

Alcohol helps in passing souls, Dom.


And preliminary congrats! I'll be expecting an invite :p

Cool Dom, let us know how it goes. I'd probably take her with you because if she doesn't like it then it'll be a waste for you and it'll make her feel really bad.

speaking as a woman who had to wear a ring i didn't like and wouldn't have picked out for myself, for both your sakes, let her pick it out!... set a price range and go together to look...

i finally had my very costly but ugly ring broken up and the major stones reset in a ring i loved that was designed for me and the rest of the stones paid for the upgrade in price... but it would have been much nicer to have had my taste and preferences considered from the get-go...

<comes running in squealing with excitement>

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

This is soooooooooooo exciting Domoviye! Seriously it is awesome to hear Dom. I'm so happy for you both. I hope that it all works out for ya's.

As for the ring, I love lessa's idea. That is really sweet. I think that is the way it should be done. It is how my parents did it. They called it a friendship ring, and they picked the wedding ring out together. Very beautiful idea.

awwwwwww so very exciting this is....

Now here's the next question....what to do with said "promise ring" once she has the engagement ring. My idea, if and when you have kids and one of them is a girl, you give it to her when she's of age to start thinking about boys. It's her promise ring that she will stay "pure" until marriage (kinda corny, but I think it's sweet.).

She has it resized and moved to her pinky on the same hand.
When her son thinks he is engaged she gives it to him to give as a promise ring.
That way the first son gets the promise ring and the daughter gets to wear the mother's jewellery since the son won't want it.
I don't think my grandchildren would want my engagement ring since it is an amethyst not a diamond. My rings are all very simple except the diamond ring I will be getting shortly. I may give that one to Dan to use so I hope he has sense enough to wait and see if he and lisa like it before they spend money on a new one. This one is new and never worn so it won't be a used ring.
But passing rings down always seemed like a nice tradition to me.

Oh I was actually going to use up to 5000 yuan to buy her one tonight or next Friday. I already got the promise ring (nice looking, cheap one) and was going to ask her tonight as a surprise.
And Thank you everyone. I don't know what we'll do with the promise ring. I like the idea of resizing it and giving it to one of my children, but we'll wait and see. We've got some time.

wooooo goodluck Domoviye. Let us know how it goes too :p :)

We is all very very excited :D

She will say yes and they will live happily ever after.
just like in the stories I write.
I just wish they were in Canada so we could be at the wedding.
I also hope she likes me. being a MIL is sort of like being the wicked step mother.
and I already have one DIL who doesn't like me.
But that is ok because she makes raymond happy and that is all that counts.
Just wish I could be at the wedding.

Now here's the next question....what to do with said "promise ring" once she has the engagement ring.

It's for wearing on the right hand. That's what I do. BTW--there are a lot of beautiful antique small-ish rings. You can find them on eBay, in antique stores, and at nice jewelry stores with estate jewelry sections. Another alternative is to buy an eternity band, which can be used as a wedding ring, engagement ring, or promise ring, depending on the taste of the recipient. Srsly, though, there's not a girl in the world who doesn't like eternity bands. Here's a couple of examples: http://cgi.ebay.com/DIAMOND-BAND-RING-WHITE-GOLD-WEDDING-ANTIQUE-GUARD-NEW_W0QQitemZ380028236801QQihZ025QQcategoryZ92853Q QssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&item=140231806208#ebayphotohosting
http://cgi.ebay.com/26CT-ANTIQUE-DIAMOND-18K-WHITE-GOLD-WEDDING-BAND-RING_W0QQitemZ110252543346QQihZ001QQcategoryZ92853 QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

My idea, if and when you have kids and one of them is a girl, you give it to her when she's of age to start thinking about boys. It's her promise ring that she will stay "pure" until marriage (kinda corny, but I think it's sweet.).

My idea is to give up the promise ring only when and if your son or nephew wants to propose at a young age. :D

Well I won't know if she accepts tonight.
She looked at some houses this afternoon (I don't know why) and was tired. But we're meeting tomorrow after a class she is taking to become a Certified Financial Planner. So I'll ask her then.
And Lessa she will like you a lot. She's nicer than your other DIL.

This is one of the best forums I've read in a while. I love how everyone is so supportive and excited.


And Dom, I wish you all the best. Thanks for posting this. It was great to read and I hope everything turns out well.

P.S. Your avatar is sweet and cute.

Now my only thought is, do I buy the ring without her, or do we pick it out together? If she is anything like me, let her be there when you pick out the ring :p

And congrats love,, I'm so glad for you. :) xx

I'm the opposite of Heather...I wouldn't have minded being truly surprised with a ring he picked out. But, I'm unusual. (and, yes, I had to go help him pick out the ring...it was ok)

I enjoyed the surprise. Unfortunately we married so quickly that I did not get either the engagement ring or the wedding ring until a week after we were married.

Wow, Lessa! That sounds romantic...or utilitarian, I'm not sure. Either you were swept up in passion or you had to get married during a flight layover...?

We met March 3. Got married April 30.
He picked out the ring but it had an amethyst instead of a diamond so he
sent it away to get the diamond. The jeweller had a heart attack and the ring
was returned unchanged. Which was actually perfect since I don't like diamonds
and really liked amethysts.
It was love at first sight and we moved in together on our second date.
That is sort of why I expected once Dom found the right girl they would be engaged within 6 months.
His older brother was so I guess the Clarke men do things quickly or the girl makes them
think it was all their own idea and she had nothing to do with it.

I'm the opposite of Heather...I wouldn't have minded being truly surprised with a ring he picked out. But, I'm unusual. (and, yes, I had to go help him pick out the ring...it was ok)

I'm the same, I'd be absolutely ecstatic being surprised with a ring.

Grats Dom, I'm so happy for you :)

Hey kaptain nice to meet you. This forum really is good for stuff like this. Even if you've been incommunicado for several months like I have. And thanks for the well wishing, it was very handy.
Thanks everyone.
Its now official, I'm unofficially engaged, I'm just waiting for the final vouch of approval. I have to meet her parents and she has to meet my family. If nothing disastrous happens she will marry me. For now she is wearing the promise ring, and she will tell her friends, co-workers and family I asked to marry her, she even has the ring, but she won't quite say yes.
And Cog the Promise ring was an awesome idea. I bought a cheap but nice looking ring yesterday, and I had the box out and on the table tonight when I asked her, in Chinese (she was happy that I'm trying to learn) to marry me.
The look on her face, and the way she asked if she could open the box was priceless. She loved the ring, and was very excited about it.
I think it helped that it was a promise ring and not the final ring. She still has the feeling that she can back out gracefully if things go wrong when we meet each others parents, but she can show it to people as proof that I am serious.
So she got the best of both worlds, the surprise, and the chance to pick out the perfect ring.
We spent the rest of the night wandering through malls, talking, talking, and buying some nice things for her. I finally left her at her cousins where she is busy telling them the good news.
So YAY!!!!!
Awesome day.
Again thanks everyone for all the good luck you sent my way. It was very useful.
May you all have awesomely awesome and excellent days.

I wonder,
would Don chewing tobacco holding a shotgun while carrying a dead bunny
with me sitting in a rocker cleaning a rabbit
give the wrong impression and be called something disastrous?
Actually we are very happy for them.
Don't want any disaster from us since that would mean I would still have to
feed him and do his laundry when he comes back to Canada.
So we will be on our best behaviour in July.

You can be replaced Lessa. Very easily in fact.
So yes, best behaviour is a must. Wait until I get her married before showing her what you are like.

Alright!
Congrats Domoviye, now that it's official. Everything else I've already said so yeah, :p.

Its now official, I'm unofficially engaged, I'm just waiting for the final vouch of approval. I have to meet her parents and she has to meet my family. If nothing disastrous happens she will marry me. For now she is wearing the promise ring, and she will tell her friends, co-workers and family I asked to marry her, she even has the ring, but she won't quite say yes.
And Cog the Promise ring was an awesome idea. I bought a cheap but nice looking ring yesterday, and I had the box out and on the table tonight when I asked her, in Chinese (she was happy that I'm trying to learn) to marry me.
The look on her face, and the way she asked if she could open the box was priceless. She loved the ring, and was very excited about it.
I think it helped that it was a promise ring and not the final ring. She still has the feeling that she can back out gracefully if things go wrong when we meet each others parents, but she can show it to people as proof that I am serious.

Awwww so sweet. Congratulations and i'm glad that its all worked out for you and hope that everything else goes alright :)


and AWWWWWW!

<3 <3 <3 <3

Sheesh...I'm late...:p....Congrats.....that's GREAT news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



And for th ring...when you buy it together?? give her birthstone a thought....it'll be lucky for your marrieage...:)

An unusual stone is nice. I have a black sapphire rather than a diamond. (for my black heart? :D)

Or, if you did decide to go with an unusual stone, then you could pick out a stone with a particular meaning. Something you want to see/have in your relationship perhaps, as a reminder of why the ring is there.

Thank you all.
I don't know what type of ring we will get. It will probably wait until September or October, after she has met my parents, and I get back to China to start my job again. I'll find out what her birthstone is and if it looks nice I'll recommend it.
But it will probably just be a diamond(s), she doesn't seem to like flashy things. Simple white gold and diamonds are her favourite.

Well that sounds good Dom. I'm sure she'll love it- it's more about the meaning behind it than the ring itself.

Thank you all.
I don't know what type of ring we will get. It will probably wait until September or October, after she has met my parents, and I get back to China to start my job again. I'll find out what her birthstone is and if it looks nice I'll recommend it.
But it will probably just be a diamond(s), she doesn't seem to like flashy things. Simple white gold and diamonds are her favourite.

Lol I like things simple too, and I don't like expensive. I'd rather have a cheap ring that means something to me than an expensive ring that I don't like. I can definitely agree on the white gold too... I don't like gold so much and silver isn't as nice and it tends to discolour.

Banzai she had better love it. She'll be picking it out, I'll just be there to offer advice and pay for it.
Kit I don't like yellow gold either. It looks ugly, and Lisa thinks its for old people (I didn't know this when I bought her a nice gold and crystal bracelet, which she doesn't wear very often). So yeah it will probably be white gold.
Also if she wants to get a cheap but nice ring, I'm willing to live with that. I'm also willing to go fairly high if she loves an expensive ring. The ring will be on her finger, as long as she loves it I'm happy.

Awww you're sweet :) I wish I had somebody that cared so much.