First impressions

[Edward]

Hello, wf.org, it's been a while. I've been a bit busy with other projects, and haven't been dropping by as much as I usually do. That, and there's only so much one can discuss a story before they actually have to write it, no matter how unpolished it is.

But, this thread isn't about me not having put key to test editor, I want to know your impressions of this character.

The story is about a guy who stumbles onto things he shouldn't, and ends up with a few clingers on and eventually him and his Nakama save the world they live in. It's highly influenced by JRPGs, if you couldn't tell from the fact that a ragtag bunch of adventurers are saving creation. The main character-- 20 year old baker and self taught alchemist Aiden Samara-- finds a girl in an escape pod. That girl is the one I want your impressions on.

I'm thinking her personality should be reserved, but not in the sense that she never speaks up about anything. In fact, because I plan on filling up the scenes where the party is traveling with almost Seinfeldien conversations that do nothing more than flesh out the world and the characters, having a quiet member would be a burden.

There are things in the world called Homonculi. A homonculus is something like a organic android, created through alchemy and magic. The villains of the story created two of these Homonculi, and planned to use them as living weapons. The girl is the second one, named Embla.

When Aiden finds her she has no memory, not due to amnesia or anything, but because it's the first time she's been activated. The other homonculi, Ash, was having an affair with one of the lower members of the bad guy organization. He didn't like what he did, and she didn't want his "sister" to go through the same thing, so she put her in the escape pod and sent her away hoping someone would find her and keep her safe.

Aiden names her Riza, and while at first he blames her for getting his sister killed, and only lets her follow him because it was the sister's last wish. Eventually though, love blooms between them, without them knowing her past. One of the themes of the story is the fact that she's little more than a robot, and he falls in love with her. She's also a magical bomb.

She's about 4'8", red headed, green eyed. She's always asking questions, which is one of those "flesh out the world" things I was talking about. She's tsundere, and starts out at odds with the hero for the fact that he's at odds with her. They start out with friendly bickering, but as more people join their little roving band of Godslayers, and they begin to face death at every turn, they grow on each other. I even have a scene one of those cliche-but-oh-so-lovable scenes where true love conquers brain washing. Yeah, I know, I hate myself for using such a cliche. Of course, I also deconstruct that one, and it doesn't really get broken until after the damage is done.

Well, there it is. It's mostly just disjointed thoughts, but it should be enough. What does wf.org think of that character?

[Al B]

That's kind of an odd one, as she's basically a character with no character, so it's a bit like saying 'what do you think of my book collection?' and pointing to an empty bookshelf.

Having said that, it's an interesting thing to have in your tale, because if you want to have the typical 'a character must grow and change as the story progresses', then there's really no way that she can't do that.

I like the idea of that.

Al

[edens garden]

I have a few questions first, if you don't mind answering. How easily controlled are Riza and Ash? Since they are intended to be little more than robotic weapons (from what i have gathered) i would think whoever your evil power is would want to control them. I guess what i am really asking is this: is there a chance they could activate (for lack of a better word) whatever they intend to command her to do?

Is she a completely black slate, or does she have come basic human personality traits ingrained in her subconscious?

Well, before i get the answers, i will say this, i really like the idea of her, that even though she is intended to do evil she can choose her own way, at least in the beginning. Cool idea.

[Edward]

That's kind of an odd one, as she's basically a character with no character, so it's a bit like saying 'what do you think of my book collection?' and pointing to an empty bookshelf.
Well, she has a personality, it's just that the personality of the characters is what I don't have solidified yet. The most solid character personalities are ironically enough the villains, the main character's sister --who dies before the end of the first act-- and the battle fatigued war veteran who serves as the Obi Wan.



I have a few questions first, if you don't mind answering. How easily controlled are Riza and Ash? [...] Is she a completely black slate, or does she have come basic human personality traits ingrained in her subconscious?
They aren't that much like robots. I use the comparison because they're synthetic humanoids. They're human in every way possible, except that they weren't born, they were made with magic, science, and alchemy.

They're not blank slates, but they're personality is mostly formed based on experiences. Ash was raised by Kether for five years, and was used to kill people and wreak havoc. He's bitter, cynical, quick to anger, and violent. If it wasn't for Brunhilde, he probably would have killed himself and the rest of the villains members in a pyroclastic massacre.

Riza on the other hand was found by Aiden, treated by his sister, and befriended the people they met on their journey: Tyr, Hirame, Rhiannon, Gisaine. They're all like brothers and sisters, or in Tyr's case a father, to her. Because of having a more stable family and kept away from Kether's "Ends Justify the Means" view of world resurrection, she's kind hearted and generous.

[edens garden]

Thanks for clarifying that for me.

I really like the idea of her. She will be a great way to gather a unique view of the stories events and characters because her point of view hasn't been tainted and controlled by the world her whole life.

You have me really excited about your story, any chance some of it will be going up on WF?

[Edward]

You have me really excited about your story, any chance some of it will be going up on WF?

One day, maybe. I know I've posted bits and pieces of things before, but mostly just Plot development and not actual writing.

[edens garden]

Understandable, i tend to be the same way. With me i like to finish it before people get to see it, too many suggestions and it takes away from the writing and turns my focus to criticism. I will stop hijacking this now, so hopefully you can get more input on Riza.