This issue has been on my mind of late. Smacking kids.....

The media have been focusing on this issue for a while and it seems there are alot of people out there who concider a smack on the backside to be borderline grevious bodily harm. Im not a mother myself, but i do have an army of cousins, nephews and nieces that have all been placed in my care at some point. Now I admit that I firmly believe in giving a good smack on the backside or the back of the thigh, I have never, and will never smack a child anywhere else, and Ive only ever given one smack after a few warnings. The government is thinking of making smacking against the law and if cought striking a child you can be taken to court soon.

Any one else have a view or opinion in this matter?

I was raised to , in my grandfather's words, apply the hand of correction to the seat of learning. Ultimately I think I was hit maybe three times in my life - that was more than enough.

I will remove this thread at the first sign of flames or even smoke.

I believe that sometimes it's important to get a child's attention NOW, particularly if the child is doing something dangerous.

Yes.

*this coming from someone who doesn't like kids*

Ignore me. :p
But I do have to say hitting a kid will makes things a bit more clearer. I don't like the whole "you're getting a time-out, mister" speech. I mean, after a while, the kids going to know they're gonna get out sooner or later. They just need to not go insane before that time comes. But if ya hit them...I doubt they'd want that to happen again. So whatever they're doing wrong will quit. Hopefully. Unless they're masochist. Then you've got a problem.

Sometimes a teeny tiny bit of discipline to keep a child in line (I have two younger brothers) is necessary. But never do it in public, because that can be scarring. Also, don't go all overboard, i mean, all kids do dumb things sometimes, it's in thier nature. So don't go all Chef Ramsey on them. Punishment and Reward, works on mercenaries, works on children.

Smacking works. A good spanking gets the point across very well, but I would say its something to be used sparingly, not overbearingly. Too much and you get scared children. Of course, I think its perfectly possible to raise good kids without smacking. Parenting styles I suppose.

I was smacked, slappped, caned and strapped as a child. This by parents, grandparents and teachers, I'm glad too, it worked. Didn't happen often, because it didn't need to, it gets the message over well.

Perfectly natural too, watch a dog with its puppies or a cat with its kittens, you'll see them give their young ones a quick nip or a paw when they get out of line.

Al

I'm not against the time-out thing, but I think that some kids need some kind of immediate, direct and physical consequence, rather than just a three minute time-out. I was smacked only once in my life, and now I know I deserved it and it did me some good.

the main reason they are wanting to do this is because some parents take to their children with cords, spoons, slippers, etc. Parents can be rather brutal to their children when applying punishment. I know I tend to punish my children with a tap on the behind, but I do not believe in applying enough pressure that it will actually cause the child pain.

It should just be enough pressure that they feel it. I have found that if you give them a small tap so they feel it, and then make a loud noise on your own leg, or stomp your foot, that it has far more effect.

But I prefer the PP methods. Positive Parenting methods that is. It is far more effective and I find that it helps children to better understand authority. Smacking a child is not going to teach them right from wrong, explaining to a child that their actions are wrong is, in my opinion, a better way of going about it.

Positive parenting methods do work. Just most people are sceptical. It might take a bit longer than a smacked behind, but in the long run, isn't it better that we try to teach our children that it is better to sit down and talk things out, rather than resorting to violence? I mean, to me, if you smack a child for doing something wrong, doesn't that give them the idea that if someone else does something wrong, that they need to be smacked as well???

Just my thoughts on this anyway. I don't mean any offence by this. Sorry if anyone sees it that way.

I only remember being spanked once, and one time my mother gave me a good slap to the back of my head when I accidentally kicked my shoe over a fence, but it gets the point across. You seepeople doing it the wrong way in all those nanny shows where the kids are insane. Either the parents use the time out thing, which isn't really that much of a punishment if the kid is smart enough, or they go whaling away on their kids for no reason. Moderation is the key!

But yes, I decently deserved the head smack.

Pro-bodyslam, myself.

Some kids I know could use a good black-eye or two... :p
I believe if a kid really messes up you should be able to apply the correct amount of punishment with thine fists. But someone who beats their children is way crossing the line.

A little tap on the head should be about it. Of course, if your kid does something big (like rape) I'd recommend a unhealthy amount of violence. :p

But really, slapping rules:
1) Tap on head, or a light slap on the cheek
2) Never in public
3) Only when counseling doesn't help
4) Probably never in your entire life, if you're a good parent

EDIT: For some reason, this topic seems to be a taboo. Why?

Ok i do agree with a smake on the hand or bottom depending how old you are my son is 16 months old so when he does something wrong yes i give him a tap on the hand and say no firmly so he will understand that what he is doing wrong, at the moment i can't really inforce positive parenting myself but i do agree with you there tor but after they have had 2 warnings i will smake and explain in a calm voice why they got that smake.

I feel that yes ok some other methods work for a little while but what about the long run you can't expect a child to understand that they have done something wrong by putting them into a corner for how ever many minutes they need to learn via a tap on the bottom and to be told why don't get me wrong i am not saying abuse the child just hard enough that they can feel the tiny sting and know that if they do it again that is what they are going to get...

My mother was the one that always hit us and we understood why it happened and learnt from it the first time, but these kids that don't get hit are just going to keep getting away with it, you look at the kids these days that are spoiled smart mouthed have no respect for anyone and think they can get away with anything.....

Sorry if i have affended anyone.....

I agree with you there shadow,

Children who do not recieve punishment tend to walk all over their parents and have little or no respect for their elders, naughty corners can work if enforced properly, meaning that some parents threaten their children with punishment over and over again and never end up doing anything, then the child realises that its just not going to happen so they keep going, then on the occasion that the parent does follow through with the punishment the child does not understand why they are being punished and will not understand the method in which they are being punished. eg. if you threaten to place your child in the corner all the time but only do it on occasion, then the child has no idea why they are in the corner and will continue to get up and run away over and over again.

I don't agree with smacking the hands of a young child. You look at their hands and they are so small and delicate and it would be so easy to burst a blood vessel. Plus, their bones are still developing at that stage in life, so really I think if you were to smack a child, the bottom would be the safest best. Specially toddlers. I mean the sound of the nappy being smacked has far more impact then pain...

that is my thoughts anyways.

yeah i wouldnt smack their hands either like i said before i only ever smack the bottom or the back of the thigh.

never hit the back of the head.
I had a constant headache for as long as I can remember. Getting hit on the back of the head (my father called it a cuff) was the excruciating pain you can ever remember. It is the one punishment I would never give a child or adult for that matter.

I do believe in a smack on the bottom. My 2 boys only ever got 3 of them. Their father did it and they knew why he did it.

Once in a moment of frustration I slapped Dom across the face. He was swearing and I was not feeling well so when the word came out my hand struck. I immediately sat on the floor crying. Dom came and was hugging me and patting my back telling me. "mommy, it didn't hurt me much. I won't say that ever again." He was 3 and until he hit the age of 20 he never did use that word in my presence again.
I also bit him one day. He had been on a biting kick for about 3 weeks. Finally when he bit me I took his finger and bit it. He told me it hurt and I showed him my finger with the bite marks and said I know. He kissed it better and said he was sorry.
problem solved.
I won't say they were perfect solutions but he still loves us and he is a very nice young man. I am proud of both the boys for the way they have made their way in the world despite what we as parents may have done or not done to help them on their way.

If you hit the hands of a small child use the palm not the back.
the noise is greater and that is the main thing to get their attention not to hurt them which you could do badly by hitting the back of the hand. Look at the veins that are there.

I use to cop the old wooden spoon. I never did what ever it was twice I tell you what.

yeah i wouldnt smack their hands either like i said before i only ever smack the bottom or the back of the thigh.

Just a comment here about the back of the thigh.
Did you know that men who abuse and beat their wives girl friends and women at large use the back of the thigh as a target.
It is so the bruising doesn't show no matter what the woman wears.

I know you wouldn't beat a child but the bruising does occur even if it isn't showing. It is so fleshy there that it is deep tissue bruising and causes a great deal of pain.

I have found smacking doesn't work with my children anyways. They just seemed to get worse and worse...but there is back ground to that and it is why I don't like to smack...I won't go into the details....

I have found that calmly talking to them works so much better. Mase used to do a few things that were really bad and talking to him like he was an equal, in a calm tone, really worked and he hasn't done those few really bad things since then. He is a very smart little boy and understands so much more than people give him credit for...

One thing I HATE is seeing people kick children! That is a NO GO! It infuriates me so much!

Frost, while you may have learnt your lesson, I believe that using a spoon, etc, is just like taking to a child with a weapon. To me it serves no purpose.

I mean, to me, if you smack a child for doing something wrong, doesn't that give them the idea that if someone else does something wrong, that they need to be smacked as well???


My point exactly.

To me, smacking is wrong. Full stop. In one way, it's not really fair. Ever been taught to treat people the way you want to be treated? It's the way my mum brought me up. She swears at me, I'll swear at her back. She knows that, she screams, I scream and maybe it is wrong but in my book it's pretty fair. By smacking a child, you're teaching a child that if you hit her, she can hit you when you're annoying her. Or even somebody else. Don't get me wrong, I probably wouldn't hit my mum if she hit me. She'd knock my head straight off but still, the point still exists. You're teaching that violence is okay and really it's not.

It kinda goes down to the whole is Capital Punishment right or wrong argument in a way also if you think about it.

I am not about to be flaming anyone Just setting out some things I have noticed.
I was raised in a family that would spank, ground curse swear and throw things at children.
But a couple of those things were done in almost every house I was ever visiting.
We grew up with some badly damaged adults but they were a minority.
Most of us have gone on to raise our children with a smack on the bottom.
But some have gone even farther: they do not smack, scold, discipline in any way shape or form that does any good.
Kids now say if a parent hollers at them "I can call children's aid and get you put in jail."
what can a parent do against that. Because the child is right.

We are letting the government or the well meaning but clueless scholars take over our jobs. (raising well adjusted children).
We have street gangs who even the police cannot punish.

We have so many children raising children simply because it is a form of rebellion
to their parents who may have had them as a form of protest against society or parents.

I am not advocating corporal punishment, far from it.
What I am saying is
Parents know their children better than joe blow psychologist down at city hall. Let them raise their children as they see fit. Unless they step over the line and start abusing them.
A smack on the bottom stings for a few minutes and embarrasses a bit longer. But it is not life threatening or traumatizing. It gets their attention.

I was being interviewed for a job of working for a few hours a week with a mentally handicapped child.
I was asked what I would do if the child threw a temper tantrum in a store.
I said I would pick her up and carry her out of the store.
Shock on the faces.
You wouldn't attempt to reason with her.
No because you cannot reason with a child while they are screaming. So pick them
up and remove them to a place less confusing.
Needless to say I did not get the job but I did see the child many times in the stores screaming at the top of her lungs and the poor attendant trying to reason with her.

Each child is different and they need to be handled differently.
You just have to have the patience to figure out what that way is.

I once worked in a child care centre, when I first started i was introduced to the oldest children there, the 4-5 year old room. there were 3 aboriginal boys there, all adopted and all from horrendous homes, one child was also physically scarred all over. I was told that two of these three boys were all trouble makers and very hard to reason with, the other refused to speak to the carers or play with the other children. I first found the quiet one playing alone in the sandpit, so I sat down beside him and helped him to build castles and showed him how to do some cool things with sand, when i had gained his trust, i was able to take him by the hand and lead him into other areas of the playground, like the swings and slides atc, i did this every day and after a week or so he was laughing, playing and running around with the other children, the other carers told me it was a waste of time and to just leave him alone, my were they shocked with how much he came out of his shell in just one week of showing him that he could trust adults and it was ok to play with other children, he had nmever known this as a result of his childhood and horrid home life before adoption.

The two terrors; I was horrified by how nasty the carers were to these two boys, one in particular, both came from extremely violent homes and as they knew only violence, there was bloodshed and tears every day, so the carers used to yell at them constantly, grab them by the wrist and pretty much throw them into a corner.
i was told this was the only way to get through to them.
the worst of the two, was so violent. He did not understand what being nice or having respect was as he had been physically and verbally abused every day of his 4 years of life. when he harmed another child, or even me, instead of yelling at him and chucking him in the corner, i would gently take him to the side, and in a soft voice, ask him why he done what he had done, and then explain to him why he must not do it. .eg. If he hit a child over the head with a block whilst playing, i would say to him " do you like it when the other children hit you?" he would say no and i would say " well the other children dont like it when you hit them either, because if you make them sad they wont want to play with you will they?" he would shake his head and go and give the upset child a hug and say sorry. The older carers didnt get why he was so attached to me after just a few days.

Anyway I just wanted to throw that in there as i felt it was relevent to my thread. Children are like sponges, they absorb....and they are also parrots..they mimic, therefore whatever they are exposed to in the early stages of their life is what they are going to accept as a way of life.

I am trained to work with mentally handicapped people.
from severely to moderately.
I used much the same approach you did with the abused boys.
It works if you have the patience. Fortunately I do and did.
But some of my co-workers used punishment and outright abuse.
I burned out quickly just from fighting them by trying to undo the
things they had done.
Children are sponges and some of the things they absorb go against
what the parents and society try to teach.
You then have to get their attention to bring them back into the fold.
Sometimes this can be done by kindness and attention.
Other times it takes the smack on the bottom. Before they become too
old and set in their violent ways.

I think that while smacking kids may bring quicker results; part of that is down to fear and I truly believe that while a parent should be the main figure of authority in a child's life there are more ways to teach them right from wrong than instilling that fear factor that a beating is most likely to bring about. Beatings don't explain why what the child did was wrong, all they will know is that certain behaviour = beating, and that would frustrate me royally

I think it depends as much on the child as it does on the style of parent that you are. For example, if you take me and my sister....

My mum and dad both used to give me a gentle smack if I did something wrong, and it was always enough to deter me from doing it again and it was never excessive nor did it ever leave me too scared of them or anything.

My sister on the other hand didn't respond very well to that type of punishment and it would make her worse because she always liked the attention. My parents soon discovered that a much better method of punishment would be to send her to her room for an hour and tell her she had to stay there. They'd always tell her "I love you, but i'm not your friend right now." Or something to that effect, and given forty minutes she'd come downstairs crying with a fully written out apology and wouldn't do the same thing twice.

Now... if my parents had done that to me it wouldn't have worked because I like to be alone and as a child was happy to spend six hours at a time in my bedroom reading a good book.

My parents are divorced now and my dads girlfriend has five children, who have grown up with no discipline at all. They are 21 (m), 19 (m), 18 (f), 14 (m) and 13 (f). Three male and two female.

The eldest is in the army, and since enlisting has really grown up ALOT considering that when I first met him he was always taking money and stuff like that. The 19 year old earns more money a week than my dad does, yet is in more debt than anybody else I know and he doesn't pay his rent and stuff because he knows his mum will always bail him out.

The next one is alright to talk to but she's always out drinking and has done drugs a few times.

The next one was a real git when I first met him, but my dad has been quite firm with him and the improvement is remarkable. His grades have gone up at school because he comes in and does his homework before going out, and he comes in at a reasonable time. When his mum used to tell him to be in at 8 he'd come in at half 9 and she'd just ignore it whereas my dad would tell him he had to be in at half 6 the next night to learn the value of time, at this point if he didn't come in at half 6 then he wouldn't go out at all the next day - and it has worked.

He even helps cook meals and stuff and helps around the house.

The youngest is a spoilt brat and refuses to wear any clothes that aren't designer, steals money from her mums purse and has been caught smoking and drinking in the streets.

At 17, nearly 18, my parents know that i've never smoked, never stolen anything and I still ask for permission to go out with my friends and to drink with said friends if I want to. I still text my parents to let them know where I am and because I can be trusted I am allowed out later and I don't really need to ask for permission (even though I still do) because I know the answer is yes because my parents know i'm responsible enough not to drink or whatever if I shouldn't be.

So... in answer to the original question. Yes. I think children should be smacked if its what works for them and for the parents. I would most certainly prefer to see a child recieve a few smacks and grow up like I have done than turn out like my soon to be step siblings who are pretty much hopeless.

Beating is a whole nuther fish.
a smack is merely to get their attention so you can explain what they did wrong.
I have seen parents who say I would never hit a child. Pull them so hard by the arm I swear it would wrench it out of the socket. But no they didn't hit the child.
You have to explain why you did what you did. Then also explain why it was wrong what they did.
I used to put some dish soap on the boys teeth if they used language I didn't like.
One night a friend of our came over and was cursing. One of the boys got the dish soap put some on his finger and made the man open his mouth for the soap.
He did and said that if that was the punishment in the house he had to go along with it.
It was a great lesson for the boys. Adults are under rules as well as they were.
It is not always appropriate to explain what they did wrong at the time. So you have to figure out how and when to explain. on the spot is best but not always appropriate.

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I was a very hyper kid and got in a lot of trouble. I was never a mean kid but was very mischievous. I got spanked a lot by dad, mom and the Nuns. I lived in fear of my fathers left hand as we sat at the dinner table. He died when I was ten. I feel I never had a close relationship with him and I've alway resented my mom secretly as well, until reciently. I realize now they didn't know how to handle or control me.

My confidence and selfrespect were low as a child and I became shy out of fear and social dissaproval. I've outgrown most of that, in fact some people wouldn't believe me if I told them. I still struggle with these issues off radar. I know they are my enemies and know how to keep them at bay.

My son got a wacked every now and then but it was not very often. I didn't want him to fear me. He does think I am too stern and it did affect our relationship some but not like it was for me. We get along fine now, he will be 20 in a few weeks.

My daughter (16), on the other hand, is indomitable. She was spanked more but it was only escalating and doing no good. It's her personality, she can't always help herself. I know I could have dominated her and made her knuckle under but I would have crushed he spirit. She is a beautiful, highly intelligent, sensitive person when the control switch is on, when it is off it's very difficult to deal with her. She is going to a special school now and her control issues are getting better.

I've rambeled some. My point is I deserved some of those beatings but not that many. My son is turning out OK my daughter is progressing. While I did spank them I drew the line. Spanking your children is necessary but not very ineffective if done to often or intensly.

I’m surprised this thread has lasted this long with no pie-fighting. Incendiary topic.

Pro-bodyslam, myself.

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I thoroughly enjoyed both of these posts.

In all seriousness, I'm not sure how I feel about it. My mother used to spank me when I wouldn't listen, and like everyone else is saying, I would definitely stop doing whatever I was doing. I can't help but wonder if sitting down and talking to me about it (explaining why what I did was wrong) would have worked better. This is not to say that parents only hit their children because they can't communicate, of course. I'm thinking that that's just one of the reasons my parents did.

Not sure what I would do when faced with that situation, though...

I was spanked as a child...I was also whipped with a belt and had the switch on my legs. I used to say that when I have children I won't spank them....wrong, I did. But not with a belt or a switch. I paddled them...then they got the naughty chair. I don't know, my children are fine...I don't have any problems with my oldest three, but my baby...who didn't get any kind of spanking, he is a mess, hard headed and stubborn.
Is it because he didn't get spanked, who can say? I do think it is interesting.

as a mother of 7 who was raised to believe spanking was de rigueur for responsible parents, so did same with my first 5, i can say with considerable authority it should NEVER be done!

i deeply regret coming so late to the knowledge that spanking is no less an act of violence than punching, kicking, stabbing or shooting... sure, the physical results are less dire, but the psychological and emotional consequences are just as life-damaging and relationship-harming to your kids... i've had to apologize to my own older children for not 'sparing the rod'... in their case, a hot wheels track... my mom's weapon of choice was a wooden spoon, as it had also been for her mom and my dad's mom and probably plenty of generations back...

all it does is teach your children that violence against another is ok in some cases, when it really NEVER IS... we make up all kinds of fancy rationale to use as excuses for things like war and capital punishment and diet and other ways we harm our fellow man and fellow creatures, but it's never really ok to do to another creature what you wouldn't want done to you...

so, don't spank your children under any circumstances!... there are other ways to get their attention and make them see that some conduct is unacceptable... teaching them to hit anyone for any reason, by hitting them for what you claim is a good one, is just giving them the okay to do it themselves and only perpetuates the violence humans have come to be known for... read my pieces 'dare to live right' and 'notches, trophies, game scores and body counts' on my website under 'essays' for more on the subject...

love and hugs, maia

ps: my last two, who got no spankings, are the best of the bunch!... and i have a better relationship with them now, than with the others...

The Simple answer to this is. I don't believe in raising a hand to a child. It only does one thing. Puts fear in them. I don't like that. there are other ways to punish them.

The Simple answer to this is. I don't believe in raising a hand to a child. It only does one thing. Puts fear in them. I don't like that. there are other ways to punish them.

Agreed, violence is for the ignorant mind and hitting a child is violence. Any raising of hand against any other human being is an act of violence.

I am not saying beat there hand to the point that it does do damage but if you smake a tod on the bottom for doing something with there hand they don't have a clue why they are getting hit but if you tap there hand and tell them no then they ok i am doing this wrong and i got a smake on the hand for it. My son used to go into the bin and we tapped him on the hand and he no longer goes in the bin pulling the rubbish out....

you know it hurts them more when they hear, shame on you, than it does when they feel that smack on the bottom. Or when you take their toys away...when I say shame on you to my kids...they know they have really messed up and they very quickly stop their bad behaviour. Most of the time.

Every child is different, I just feel that it is highly possible to take this kind of punishment away and use a less aggressive approach. Violence is always violence. No matter what name you give it, it doesn't change what it is.

as a mother of 7 who was raised to believe spanking was de rigueur for responsible parents, so did same with my first 5, i can say with considerable authority it should NEVER be done!


My sister has 5 children and has never hit either of them and they just walk all over her the eldest being 16 to the youngest being 4 she has no control over them at all


I am not saying beat there hand to the point that it does do damage but if you smake a tod on the bottom for doing something with there hand they don't have a clue why they are getting hit but if you tap there hand and tell them no then they ok i am doing this wrong and i got a smake on the hand for it. My son used to go into the bin and we tapped him on the hand and he no longer goes in the bin pulling the rubbish out....

the best place to smack is the bottom if you are going to smack. It is the sound, not the feeling that has the greater impact with toddlers.

I just don't feel that it is required. Nor is yelling and screaming in a violent tone either...><

I defenatly agree with you there tor i have gone off at people that have yelled and screamed at children.....

Every child is different, different methods will work for different children. Some might respond to a time out and others might need a light smack on the bottom to understand. I think we all can agree that there's a limit, yelling at a child in the middle of the supermarket or smacking them without explaining why is just cruel.

What we use at my house is a warning of the punishment to come, and an explanation after the punishment, so far it has worked for us.

Violence is always violence. No matter what name you give it, it doesn't change what it is.

AMEN!... a 'smack' anywhere is violence... and kids who weren't smacked and are 'difficult' are most likely not getting the proper guidance/love/attention and/or are not faced with non-violent consequences of their unacceptable actions...

the best place to smack is the bottom if you are going to smack. It is the sound, not the feeling that has the greater impact with toddlers.

sorry, but that makes no sense... there is no 'sound' unless you hit them so hard it makes one, which is outright child abuse, or you hit them on the bare bottom, which is doubly violent, as it adds a perverted sexual component to the mix![yes, i know most who do that don't mean it that way, but that's what it IS... go take a look at any of the many spanking and sexual bondage mags out there and try to tell me it isn't]

If you smack a toddlers on the nappie it does make a noise that does make them stop because it's the sound of the nappie that scares them wich makes them think of what they are doing and they stop...

If you cup your hands and clap them it makes a wonderfully loud clap.
works wonders at getting a child's or adult's attention.
A friend of mine used to baby sit kids and when they got really loud and
rambunctious she would blow a whistle.
The kids learned to associate that with stop the noise.
I think that clap and the fact that the boys figured out early their mom was
not a normal mom in the physical way helped me to not have to resort to the smack
more than twice with either of them.
For their lifetime so far it has been a rule that they set for themselves. Protect mom.
And they always have. They were very well behaved and no problem to raise.
I was an extremely lucky mom in that respect.

I used to get my mothers steel toe boot in the bottom, my mother put the fear of god in me as a child, i was petrified of her, you litteraly had to creep arpund like you were walking on eggshells with my mum, she just never had the patience or time for me, therefore i was constantly going out of my way to get it, the end result was her getting annoyed with me the second i walked into a room, thats why I always vowed to raise my children better than she did me. I want to do everything she didnt do, which is why i believe that screaming at a child or slapping them every time they do wrong is a no no. Though I do believe in a good sting on the bum every now and again, but in the end talking to your child and helping them to understand right from wrong in a calm tone more often than not works alot better, even if it takes a while.

Ok, I think everyone has had a chance to weigh in on this, and there are two basic positions with no possibility of a middle ground. I'm going to close this before passions become grudges.