Shattered is exactly how I feel right now. AND I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT WHY!!!!! I can't handle this. My faith in the people I'm closest to is completely gone. I have to talk about this and I can't because the stupid legal system is dragging their feet. I'm hurting so much and all I want to do is cry and I can't even do that! I have to stay strong for my kids.

Can you drop it to us in subtle hints? Perhaps soem kind of clue system.

On a more serious note it sounds like something bad and I'm sorry for it and wish you all the best.

Wow, that sounds pretty harsh. :( I really hope you feel better soon Foxy. :)

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such turmoil, Foxy. I can only send you my best thoughts and hopes that whatever it is will resolve soon, if only so that at least you are allowed the outlet to talk about it.

:)

That sounds awful Foxy :( If you feel you need to talk, you can always add me on MSN. I'm usually about, and happy to help if I can, or just listen.

Aw, I'm so sorry Foxy. You're in my prayers.

My sympathies are with you FoxyMoma. If there's anything I can do for you, feel free to drop a PM. Nonetheless, you are in my prayers.

Thank you everyone for your support. I promise I will go in to detail (not much but enough to get the point across) as soon as I can. A police officer is actually on his way right now to FINALLY take a report, only 18 hours after my initial call....WHATEVER! I'm just trying to protect my children.

Wow, that's not good at all. I really hope it's not anything like what I'm imagining. Is there anything we can do for you?

Not unless you can put a foot up the local PD's patootie to hurry up and get here. But thank you for the offer.

I'm truly sorry, Foxy, and I hope your turmoil will end as soon as possible. My prayers go out to you and your kids.

Same. I'll pray for you and all you love.

Stay strong; help is always on the way. God always hears prayers.

:)

I hope you get through this with your lives and privacy intact, FoxyMomma. I won't try to guess anything past what you have revealed, but I do hope it all turns out well.

i went through a lot of poo-poo piles with my 7 and we all came out alive, fm, so if you need an empathetic shoulder and ear, just drop me an email and we'll keep it 'twixt just us...

love and healing hugs, maia
maia3maia@hotmail.com

Good luck, it will eventually pass.

On Friday, I dropped my boys off with a family friend while I went to an interview at a college. I have known this man since I was 12 (I'm 28 now) and he is my Dad's best friend. He watches the boys quite often and they idolize him.

Yesterday, we were in the car and I heard my youngest talking about a something that shocked the poo out of me. The boys were going to go swimming while at his house and our friend came out of his bedroom completely nekid and made my oldest son touch him...

I'm completely crushed. I trusted this man with my children and I failed them. We've filed a report with the police department and children youth and families. Tomorrow, they will be interviewed by a crisis councelor. I have no idea if this is the first time he has done something like this or if it's been going on everytime they go to his house. I am terrified to tell my Dad. He will take his shotgun and kill him.

I completely trust what my boys are telling me, 100%. Why would a 7 and 4 yr old make up a story like that? They have never been exposed to that kind of behavior in my care so it's not from me or my husband. I just can't believe that I let this happen. A mother's sole job is to protect her children and I failed.

I guess from here, we start the investigation and deal with it as best we can. They don't even know that what happened was wrong. They are completely clueless, which I guess is good, but I'm heartbroken.

Thank you everyone for the support while I figured out what to do. I just had no idea how much I could talk about, still don't know, but I have to vent and find the support that I need right now.

On Friday, I dropped my boys off with a family friend while I went to an interview at a college. I have known this man since I was 12 (I'm 28 now) and he is my Dad's best friend. He watches the boys quite often and they idolize him.

Yesterday, we were in the car and I heard my youngest talking about a something that shocked the poo out of me. The boys were going to go swimming while at his house and our friend came out of his bedroom completely nekid and made my oldest son touch him...

I'm completely crushed. I trusted this man with my children and I failed them. We've filed a report with the police department and children youth and families. Tomorrow, they will be interviewed by a crisis councelor. I have no idea if this is the first time he has done something like this or if it's been going on everytime they go to his house. I am terrified to tell my Dad. He will take his shotgun and kill him.

I completely trust what my boys are telling me, 100%. Why would a 7 and 4 yr old make up a story like that? They have never been exposed to that kind of behavior in my care so it's not from me or my husband. I just can't believe that I let this happen. A mother's sole job is to protect her children and I failed.

I guess from here, we start the investigation and deal with it as best we can. They don't even know that what happened was wrong. They are completely clueless, which I guess is good, but I'm heartbroken.

Thank you everyone for the support while I figured out what to do. I just had no idea how much I could talk about, still don't know, but I have to vent and find the support that I need right now.

That's sick. I can't imagine what that would be like to go through. I know it doesn't make anything better, but it doesn't sound like you failed to me. You acted on the first sign, you didn't just write it off as some random thing a kid said. It's good to hear that they will probably get out of this without being scarred for life. I don't really know what else to say.

Don't beat yourself up, Foxy. These creatures are practiced at concealing their nature and gaining trust.

They do not rehabilitate well. They also do not fare well in a prison population. Even the worst of the worst utterly despise them.

They are right Foxy, don't blame yourself. You reacted as soon as you had evidence, that is the only thing you or any of us could have done.

You have done nothing wrong. Place the blame where it is deserved- on him....

You acted on the first sign, you didn't just write it off as some random thing a kid said.

Agreed. I fail to see how any mother could have done more.

i'm with all of our fellow members above... you're not at fault, only that pedophile is!

it's a sad way to have to live, but now you'll have to be looking more carefully at all the people around you who have any contact with your children, to see if there are any warning signs...

you should look for support groups of other mothers who've had to deal with this hideous stuff and get involved with whatever anti-pedophile group may be active in your area... unfortunately, the damage to the children doesn't stop with the discovery and arrest of the creep... your boys will really need to have some professional counseling beyond your own motherly love and support, to be able to get past this and feel ok about themselves... i'm sure your police dept's sex crimes unit will be able to recommend someone...

as a mother myself, i know how hard it will be to do that, but please believe that it's necessary for your boys... there are things they could never tell their mom or dad that a therapist specializing in such stuff can help them with... and if they can't get it out, it can only harm them even more than the actual event/s did...

i wish you and the kids all the best and send my love and non-stop healing hugs, maia

I'll add my voice to the crowd, and say that this is in no way your fault Foxy. You're a great mother, as evidenced by the fact that you have immediately acted on this. You and your kids will be in my prayers, and I really hope that sick individual gets what he deserves...

*huggles*

From one mother to another....

I am 33, a few years older than you and I have 5 well-cared for children. I'm a stay home mom and I homeschool my children. They are very loved, protected and happy and secure. I tell you this so you will know that you have not failed. We have had an incident with one of our children in the past and it does not make me a bad mom, just like it doesn't make you a bad mom.

It's a horrible, HORRIBLE thing. It's worse than horrible. There isn't a word for it. But there is a word for you, it's GOOD MOTHER. When our incident happened I worried that my child would have confusion about sexuality from the incident or would become an abuser themselves. You hear the stories and statistics.

I took my child to a psychologist and we had a very good experience. My child was young enough and the offense light enough (as far as any of those types of offenses can be) that my child has suffered no long-term affects.

Here is what we learned. When children are that young and "rape" is not involved, the worst thing that happens to the children is their own perception/self worth attached to the situation and whether or not there were control issues.

For instance, when the abuser is significantly older and uses mental manipulation like "If you tell I will kill your parents" or something equally threatening, this causes the child great anguish. These are the things they usually need help through. The manipulation/control aspect is usually the worst thing when they are that young and again, "severe abuse" (sorry not sure how else to say it as it all feels severe to us mothers) is not involved.

Secondly, we parents are so hurt and horrified by it, that it often makes it a much bigger thing to the children. YES IT'S A BIG THING. We know that, but children often don't. So, the therapist taught us to be very careful not to attach the children's participation to the "bad" in the situation. Often once children learn the act was bad and wrong then they feel bad and wrong.

As parents it feels like a tight rope walk between educating our children enough to protect them without scaring them or making them feel like they did something bad when things like that happen.

I really considered sending this to you in a private message, but I thought that since sexual abuse is so prevelant (sadly) in our society that maybe the information I learned from our experience would help others, too.

I would definitely discourage people from sharing their own personal abuse stories on this thread, but I thought the things we learned that helped our child might be helpful to you. I also thought it might be good for you to know that I am a good mom. No, actually, I'm a FANTASTIC mom and this crime still touched our family.

You are a good mom. You love your children. You do everything in your power to keep them safe and what shows me you're a good mom is by how you're handling this situation. There are so many parents that look the other way because they're not good parents or often too hurt and wounded in their own life to make good and protective decisions.

Your sons and you will get through this and I promise your son will be okay. I just wanted you to know, from one mother to another, that you are not alone. You have not failed. If you would like more specific information on things we did to help us all cope with this situation, I'm happy to talk with you via pm's.

We'll pray for you all. It does get better.

~Shelby

Again, I'd like to thank everyone for their support. This morning, the boys had a filmed interview in front of a detective for the Crimes Against Children Unit of our police department. My husband and I weren't allowed to watch while they were being questioned, but the detective told us what they said after she was done. All I can say is that I'm utterly disgusted by what I heard.

Then, I had to go tell my father what happened. The man that did this is (was) his best friend. I literally had a panic attack on the way to tell him, and he took it exactly how I thought he would. He wants to go strangle the SOB. He's as shocked as I am.

After that, we spent the next 3 hours obtaining a restraining order against him. The detective said that by the end of today, she will have made contact with him and served him with a no contact order and a restraining order. By tomorrow, the case will be presented in front of a grand jury and a warrant issued and hopefully by friday, he will be arrested and fully charged.

The boys are starting counceling, as well as my husband and myself. I've invited my parents along for the counceling sessions if they feel the need to come. We met with 2 different victim's advocates today and they have definately helped. I'm feeling less responsible and guilty. I know that he's the one that screwed up and he will pay for what he did to my boys.

I am really sorry that you and your children have had to go through something so traumatic Foxy. It is never easy when you find out someone has done something as sickening and grotesque as this, to your children.

I hope that the councelling helps your family to deal with this criminal act. I also understand the guilt that you feel upon yourself for this happening. That is a normal feeling to have. But please, try not to feel guilty. If you knew this was going to happen, you would not have put your children in that situation.

My heart goes out to you and your family during this time. I am so very sorry that you all have to go through this. You are such a strong and amazing person. I would not be able to cope this well with such a horrid thing happening to my angels. I would be out for the perpetrators blood.

I know this is a terrible event, but there is a light on the other side Foxy. In time, it will be easier to deal with, I know the pain of it will always remain, but you have a lot of support from so many different people and places.

I'm so glad that you are all seeking councelling and really pleased that it is helping.

Luv and hugs to you and your beautiful family Foxy.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Torana

I have to tell you that it will help your sons to have a support system helping them to recover. So kudos to you and your family. Also, karma has a very strong influence in life, and always know who to srike and when. So leave it to fate to deal with him, fate is quite reliable:)

More cyberhugs for you:)

For purposes of encouragement, one of my kids went through a similar situation at 4 and she is a very happy, well adjusted adult now. In fact, she has turned out to be a fantastic mother. So, while you suffer from shock, confusion and rage right now, have faith in the future. Everything will turn out fine...and it will be okay BECAUSE you are such a good mom.

ps Tell your dad that you know a guy who almost took matters into his own hands. In hindsight, it would have made things unimaginably worse. I am VERY thankful my wife talked me out of it. Give your dad a hug for me. As you know, he needs support too.