In the 1 in a google chance that Raven dies, he dies.
Sorry.

I wish that i was completely untouchable by things that I didnt want to hurt me, and I decided exactly when I would die or live.

Granted. Sadley a day later from making your wish a tree fell on top of your head. though you were unharmed the knock some how made you lose your memory. So you sat down you looked up above at a gigantic Billboard that said I'd like to die Now. well as you read the words it tricked your brain and you then the billboard fell down crushing you.:)


I wish I was the only person alive who never suffered.




~Raven.

granted, although you die old and alone, as everyone you know and love are sacrificed to lifes cruel ways

i wish i had a never ending supply of toothpaste

granted and now it is all you have to live on, no water no food....JUST TOOTHPASTE and you end up really sick cause you ain't meant to eat toothpaste my angel.

I wish I was me.....:):):):) hehehehehehe

Granted. but your legs and arms fell off.

I wish I was never depressed.

Granted, so now as everyone around you dies you remain absolutley happy, then become angry because all you want to do is cry but you can't because you wished you were never depressed.

I wish I was telepathic?

Granted. However the telepath drove you insane as you could hear the thoughts of everyone and found that your best frineds all dispised you. Eventually your head combust into large pieces of skull and brain tissue.

I wish I was the most loved human alive no matter what i do everyone still loves me.

Granted now everyone loves you no matter what you do and you cannot make a move without everyone falling all over you. You are harrassed day and night by men and women of all ages and can never sleep because there is constantly someone trying to break into your house to get to you.

I wish that I lived alone on the moon with everything that I could ever need...

Granted. The moon later was invaded by Aliens Killing you and destroying your remains.

I wish what ever I wish for always has a good effect for me and my loved ones no matter what I wish for.

I wish I could think of a way to destroy that wish..

Granted, you wish for the one wish that could destroy that wish and now you are absolutely miserable because Raven is out to get you for destoying his wish.

I wish that everything I did had a positive outcome.

Okay, but everyone else is a moron.

I wish that Prince (the rock artist) would just go away.

He did...
every night you hear his strange serenades directly beside you... you find out that he has feelings for you and will never stop singing by your window...

I wish that I had the power to ressurect the dead

Granted your great great Grandfather rose from his muddy grave found you and ate your brains forcing you to bebome like him a mindless zombie.


I wish what ever I wish for always has a good effect for me and my loved ones no matter what I wish for.

Granted.
You burnt to death as the earth exploded. However because nop harm can come to me or my family we live happily on another planet thanks to some humanoid aliens. :)

I wish i was unbeatable and never experienced saddness or loss.

granted, you get bored of never facing a challenge, yet cannot express sorrow

i wish i was mouse curser

Granted. A car ran over you.


I wish I was the only world dominator.

Granted and now you are the most hated person that has ever lived and everyone is out to kill you.

I wish I was invisble to the world.

Granted, now you are floating in a white void with nothing to do but play dungeons and dragons for all eternity because since no-one can see, you no-one can wish that you were visible again.

I wish I could eat what i want and never gain weight

Granted, so now you eat everything in sight and the world is running out of food and you are waisting away to nothing so now all you have left to do is staarve to death or become a cannibal.

I wish that I never existed. :):)

RE SEE THE INVISIBLE WISH. again you are stuck playing dungeons and dragons in a white void, only thing that's different is that Prince is playing with you and keeps cheating. you never win.

I wish I could clean

Alright, but you become obsessed with getting yourself clean and you rub yourself raw every night until you become a red, wrinkly-skinned emo person who lives in the shower.

I wish I could write a bestselling novel.

Granted. As you finished the story you suffered a bad heart attack killing you. However your worst enemy came across your dead body and took your story as their own and thus it became a best seller all round. while your worst enemy lived the rest of his days out in luxery with your woman.#

I wish No harm came to me or my loved ones.

granted, you are the last people left alive in the universe, and its up to you and you alone to repopulate the earth in order to ensure survival

i wish i was a webpage

Granted.
Apple Mac took over and destroyed the internet. Then rebuilt it in their own image

I wish I had seven wifes one for everyday and they all loved me beyound imagination.

granted, you eventually get names mixed up and they all slap you in the mouth and leave you to pay child support to your 25 children

i wish i was a blob of dry paint

Granted. One day the wall you hung from blew up.

I wish I was so unlucky nothing good ever happened to me. :)

granted but you will start growing 4 leaf clovers instead of hair

I wish i could have a nuke

Granted.But amreica thought you too stupid and too dangerous so the found you and had you shot 99 times because they wanted to see you suffer.


I wish I was untouchable to bad things

Granted. However, you keep on getting touched by good things.... that includes people. You get so insane that you go on a rampage and and because police are good people, you get taken down. hard.

I wish I could stay awake for longer

Granted. You can never fall asleep again, your eyes are sore and very blood shot although you are awake you are mentally and physically exhausted and spend the rest of eternity awake.

I wish I could go to the moon.

Granted as you flew past in your spaceship your crew mates decided to kick you out the air lock. Though you landed on the moon you were dead within seconds.

I wish All my wishes had a positive outcome on me my friends my family and the population of the planet Earth, except those that are evil. :)

Granted. Unfortunately you're one of the evil people. Thus your wishes are always negated, before they can come into effect. You keep trying to make wishes that never work. Finally it becomes to much and you start yelling your wishes on the street corner. They take you away and pump you full of drugs to keep you calm.

I wish I had a dollar.

granted I personnal spent you and after years you ended up on a bonfire when money was abolished.

I wish to simply wish you all good luck.

Granted. Everyone on the site becomes super lucky. They clean up at Casino's in Vegas, only to have a group of jealous statisticians put a hit out on them, leading to their untimely deaths.

I wish I knew what happened to Shroedinger's cat.

Granted but you died once you found oput.

I wish I was lucky with everything

Granted, but you find yourself in a desert where only skill and knowledge, not luck, can help you.

I wish I was the Doge of Venice with a thousand vassels at my command.

Granted, until everyone gets drunk and causes an international incident and you are held responsible, you go into hiding in fear of your life and then go insane.

I wish I was able to do what I wanted when I wanted while getting tons of money

Granted. However you suffered a bad heart attack seconds after making the wish you died.

I wish I never suffered the fortune of bad luck.

Granted. But it took all of your good luck to negate the bad. You now have absolutely no luck good or bad. You can never win big at games of chance, but you also never lose big either. It all evens out by the end of the day. Your life is very boring.

I wish my cat would live as long as I do.

Granted. You fall down dead 1 second from making the wish.

I wish I was he who gave out the wish's but was immune to the bad effects of a wish.

Granted. You become a wish-granting genie and are trapped within a lamp for all eternity.

I wish my hair was naturally black.

Granted, but everything else turns black too and you become a giant inkspot.

I wish I would get over my procrastination and write something.

Granted. You write something. Unfortunately its just the word 'something'. But you can write it as much as you want.

I wish Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Great Pumpkin were real.

Granted, but they become cannibal serial killers... and you're their first target.

I wish my band could become internationaly famous for producing good music and being "ladies men".

Granted, but you're only known as "ladies men" because you're all gender-confused.

I wish Bill Watterson was still writing Calvin and Hobbes.

Granted, but they now have two new friends Barney the Dinosaur, and Grumpy Bear. Each comic teaches children how to behave and be good little zombies.

I wish Invader Zim was real.

granted he came to kill you and did.

I wish Cd's were the same as DVDs

Granted. Now that no one can watch their movies, they come after you with sharp sticks and picket signs.

I wish you (whoever posts next) couldn't grant my wish.

Granted but only because you died horrifically.

I wish that no harm could ever come my way.

Granted, but harm comes to everybody else and so you're left on earth all alone...
I wish my husband and I lived in Northern California, had a house, a steady income, and could start having kids...

Granted, but your kids grow up to be just like you, your house is designed by a Japanese, your steady income is from arms dealing to the worlds poorest nations and Northern California becomes the new Siberia due to the oncoming environmental catastophe.

I wish this wish would come true.

Granted. Unfortunately the sheer exhilaration you feel over your wish coming true causes you to have a heart attack.

I wish I had a real bed to sleep on. Not just a pull out couch. Those things hurt the back.

Granted, but the springs in the mattress carry signals from Britain's MI5 that reprogram your brain until you start a movement to return your country to colony status, and start telling people that you like Paris Hilton's CD.

I wish I could write a book that was so good that religous movements started handing it out on the street and the chinese communist party took it up instead of Mao's little red book.

Granted. But these types of books always sound better if the author is a martyr. Your captured and slowly tortured to death on public tv. Also they spell your name wrong on the book, so your not even remembered correctly.

I wish I was married to a beautiful, rich, non-cheating, healthy wife, and had two kids who were also healthy, clean, well-behaved, and of average intelligence.

Granted, but they all wind up murdered by your crazy next door neighbor.

I wish I could wish for something neat.

Granted. You get a vacum-sealed bed made by a drill sargent slash nurse who makes beds for a living.

I wish I could have a hug.

Granted. Over the shoulder of the person who gives you a hug, you see a truck hurtling out of control towards you. Miraculously you both survive the accident unscathed, only to catch Bolivian monkey pox and die horribly.

I wish my second toe wasn't longer than my big toe.

Granted. A man shows up wearing foul smelling coveralls carrying a hacksaw. You no longer have any toes for you to worry about. In fact, your in tiny little pieces..... :O

I wish my head would implode already

Granted. Your head implodes. But that isn't bad enough. Afterwards the bits of your head are collected and used as spare parts in cosmetic surgery by a gang of ruthless international villains and B list celebs. You are linked to every major crime and bad tv program for the next 100 years, and every spits when your name is spoken.

I wish they made ice cream that made you smart.

Granted. But people also get arrogant when they eat it. So as people get smarter, they refuse to do the menial jobs. So as everyone is developing rockets, insane mathematical theories, and other things, the roads, buildings, and sewage system is falling apart.
Eventually the entire world crumbles to pieces, and everyone puts their intellect to blaming others. They discover who made the wish and drown you in your own waste.

I wish the Amazon Rain forest covered all of South America. (Yes all of it. Even the mountains and deserts it couldn't possibly live in.)

Granted. Then people realise that they can wish up whole forrests and cut them down again.... and again... and again....

I wish I had pretty hair

Granted. Your head implodes. But that isn't bad enough. Afterwards the bits of your head are collected and used as spare parts in cosmetic surgery by a gang of ruthless international villains and B list celebs. You are linked to every major crime and bad tv program for the next 100 years, and every spits when your name is spoken.


Hahhahahaha ROFLMAO! U are one of the funniest people that I have ever 'met' hahahahhaa :D :D :D

Granted. Now you have pretty hair your head fell from your shoulders be a blade. because the person carrying it could help but admire your hair he forgot he was carrying a blade so spun around to greet you and Oooops blood covered the floor as your still pretty hair got died red.


I wish i was immune to pain sorrow and and bad luck from evil wish's. :D

Granted but your friends and family aren't and because of your arrogance your friends and family are now the most unlucky people in the world and all end up with the plague, but you don't care because you are immune to pain sorrow and and bad luck from evil wish's.


I wish that I could make one wish that no one could turn bad?

Granted. However though the wish never turned bad your life did as you crossed a road moments after the wish was granted the joy over came you and thus you missed the bus coming at you. It totally squashed you as the remains of your broken body rolled to the other side of the road a second bus going in the other direction finished you off.


I wish I was Immune to badness evil doings and harm

granted but the world isn't and blew up 2 seconds later now you float around space with nothing left except your memories.

I wish Nothing bad ever happened to me or my family

Granted. Everyone else died.

I wish I was an Eagle that soared through the skies above

Granted. As an eagle you fly through the sky. Later as you dived to catch a pigeon for supper you slam into the side of a skyscraper. Dazed, you fall forty floors to the ground, breaking every bone in your body.

I wish a fridge fell on me.

Granted. Your now dead.


I wish I was a Hawk soaring high in the windy sky.

Granted. Only as your flying through a city to get into the open countryside a damn eagle falls on you. You both fall 30 stories straight down, breaking all your bones as you land. A cat eats the remains. :D

I wish I was a pampered house cat in the prime of his life, and in perfect health.

Granted. Until a dog comes along and uses you like a chew toy.

I wish I could stop biting my nails.

Granted. Your finger and toe nails fall out, while your teeth decay and become useless stumps not fit for biting anything.

I wish the world would stop blowing up leaving, invulnerable people floating through space for eternity.

Granted, but you aren't one of them.

I wish no one would respond to this post. (Ha! The rules say you have to grant my wish!)

Granted. My name is now 'No One'.

I wish I was 18.

Granted but you got arrested and are now in prison for the next 20 years.

I wish that I was an angel from hell.

Yeah, until the Angels from Heaven came and kicked your ass.

I wish I could have a horse.

Granted. Too bad the horse suffers from fainting spells. Soon after getting it the horse faints as you're grooming it. It falls on top of you. You aren't seriously hurt, but suffer a severe phobia of horses for the rest of your life.

I wish I never again suffered a cold or flu, for the next one hundred years I live.

Granted. You caught Aides and died from it.

I wish I was a big black bird

Granted. A hawk eats you five minutes later. Then it gets hit by a falling eagle, and gets eaten by a stray cat.

I wish every bad thing in the world would stop occurring, right now.

granted.
The sun disappears and we all die. Why did it disappear, the world was sick of Sun Cancer. (no pun intended)

I wish for my Christmas present to finally get here from shipment!

Granted, but it's socks.

I wish I had a non-counterfit, perfectly legal American dollar right now that wasn't booby-trapped, rigged, or set to explode once I put it in the vending machine.

Granted the bill is absolutely perfect. The vending machine isn't. You hear the gears grinding, and finally they jam. You don't get your treat, or your dollar back.

I wish I had a large glass of ordinary, unsweetened, uncontaminated apple juice.

Granted, but it turns out you're allergic to apples.


I wish I had a flute :P

And you play really bad at your recital so the audiance bashes you to death with you rown flute...

I wish I could have a decent nights sleep in only an hour before getting up for work... and safely arrive there....

Granted. You get more work done then ever before. You take all the overtime they offer, and then start taking shifts. It eventually reaches the point where you don't go home anymore. Just fall asleep in your desk chair for an hour and wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed with a stack of papers waiting for you. You never leave the office, so you always arrive there safely. And the work just keeps on piling up in front of you.
Congratulations.

I wish I had a really nice soft pillow, that I wasn't allergic to, didn't smother me, explode, or got stolen or damaged.

Fantastic. Only thing is, the blankets turn on you and die a horrible death by scratchy blanket syndrome that leaves horrible blistering hives all over your body oozing a sickening puss-like substance... (excuse me while I puke!)

I wish that I didn't bite my tongue.

Granted. A raging lunatic comes along and chops your tongue out.

I wish all the statues in the world would come alive and destroy the human race, followed by the world exploding.

Granted. Except everyone but you i still on the planet. We watch the earth explode from our hologram screens on our space ships as you get smooshterized by the statue of liberty who then uses the empire state building to try and scrape you off her shoes like bubblegum.

I wish I liked superman.

Granted. Superman flies through your living room window, puts a dvd of the Adventures of Superman into your dvd player.
Then as you watch it every time you do not smile and cheer at the appropriate places, or don't show fear, or sadness at the appropriate places he proceeds to beat the crap out of you. Sleeping is not permitted.
After a full week of this you like the tv show.
The next week involves his comics, followed by ALL the movies. Appropriate actions are taken when you do not react appropriately.
By the end you don't just like Superman, you LOVE Superman.


I wish I stopped coming up with ways to twist wishes into completely sadistic and inappropriate ways.

Granted. That's it.

I wish I could wake up tomorrow morning, with the perfect body and head and intelligence and know all the martial arts moves and stronger than any human being.

Granted, but Chuck Norris sees you as competition. You're dead within the hour.

I wish I had perfectly good world domination.

Granted. Everyone else dies from unrelated causes. You rule a dead planet. Depending on how anti-social you are this could be good or evil.

I wish I had a better laptop. Thats not infected, about to explode, or break, won't control me by being hyper intelligent, eat me, or be stolen. Or get lost in some type of null space, wormhole thingy.

Granted, however the dunny monster gets you after you have spent two days straight on your brand spanking new laptop. You die a horrible death. But the dunny monster is now full and wont rise for another hundred years.

I wish I could have three more wishes.

Granted. But becuase you used your first wish to gain more wishes you must use these new wishes to help any of your enemies you have in your life. And if you claim not to have enemies, you must use those wishes to be used on the president becuase of the fact that he doesn't have brains or a heart. So in all you have one wish for him cuz he needs a brain for us and he needs a heart for us also. ha!!

I wish I was the leader of the most dangerous gang in the world.

Granted. The gang thinks your weak, so you decide that to keep your position and your life, you must do something totally over the top. You attack and destroy a police station as a message to the city that you rule it.
So the government sends in the army and shoots you and your entire gang down like dogs.

I wish I didn't have to shave again. While keeping my eyebrows, eyelashes, and scalp hair completely intact.

Granted. Every time you put a razor to your face, it melts, thus meaning you don't have to shave - or you can't. Either way, your hair eventually clogs up your nasal passages and you die from lack of oxygen.

I wish that I had a non-self destructing, unbreakable, only-usable-on-people-that-aren't-me, non-stealable, conveniently plastic, ultra-apocalyptic death blaster ray gun.

Granted. You need a second wish for the futuristic batteries to power it.

I wish I had mind control powers, that would let me control EVERYONE!!! And let me put in long lasting orders like "Don't kill or injure me ever", to every person and creature in the world with just a thought.

Granted, but there's two problems: One, you do not know how to use these powers, and two, they expand your brain so much that it explodes out of your ears.

I wish I had neater handwriting.

Granted. You have superb handwriting but only when you write in Sanskrit.

I wish that I had a peanut butter and banana sandwich.

Granted, But by the time you read this you would have made one yourself which comletely was a waste of a wish.

I wish You were dead!!!

Granted. You hear a knock on your door. As you get to the door to see who it is, a hail of bullets go through the wood, and kill you instantly.
As I walk away from the door the police come running due to the murderous gun fire. They shoot me down in a bloody shoot out.

I wish I had a harem of gorgeous, willing women, and the money to afford it.

Granted, but you would have to share them with me. =P

I wish that I could have wombat ninja-pirate abilities!

Granted, but you would have to share them with me. =P
As long as everything's kept clean and private rooms are involved, Done. :D

I wish that I could have wombat ninja-pirate abilities!

Granted. You gain the ninja abilities on your left side, and the pirate abilities on the right side. As natural enemies your body now fights itself.
Your left hand throws ninja stars at your right hand. While your left leg tries to kneecap your right leg.
Your right hand waves its sabre around attempting to decapitate the left side of your neck.
And as a wombat you jump around all over the place, making your blood land in interesting abstract patterns on the wall.

I wish my face was like the internet smiley faces. :)

Wish granted. But Keanu Reeves is a complete jerk...and gay.

I wish I could change the mistakes I've made in the past to improve my life.

Granted. You gain the ninja abilities on your left side, and the pirate abilities on the right side. As natural enemies your body now fights itself.
Your left hand throws ninja stars at your right hand. While your left leg tries to kneecap your right leg.
Your right hand waves its sabre around attempting to decapitate the left side of your neck.
And as a wombat you jump around all over the place, making your blood land in interesting abstract patterns on the wall.

LOL.


I wish I could change the mistakes I've made in the past to improve my life.

Granted, but in the midst of changing your past mistakes you accidentally do different ones, and while you may have improved your life in a material sense you feel no less happier.

I granted the wrong wish and screwed up the flow, sorry guys.

I wish my face was like the internet smiley faces. :)[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. But then some demented stalker would knock you out, and sell you to a freak-show in another country for big bucks.

I wish that the tragedy on September 11th, 2001 had been prevented

Granted. Nothing happens on 9/11. Instead with the extra time alone they detonate a nuke on 07/07/07 in New York.

I wish I always had five dollars in my pocket.

Granted.
Unfortunatley, the five dollars cannot be removed from the pocket. If the five dollar does, under any circumstance, get out of the pocket, the world ends.

I wish for more rain, but just enough to break the drought but not enough to make floods.

Granted, but its acid rain. All the plants wither and die.

I wish the original Library of Alexandria still existed.

Granted. The building exists, but there are no more books.

I wish that I could watch The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D. (call me gay but the songs are catchy)

Granted, but Jack Skellington comes to life and kills you.

I wish I could see Billy Joel live.

Granted. That's punishment enough. If anything stopped you it would be a blessing.

I wish I was a working cyborg, with an unlimited power supply.

Granted, but you have no free will.
(Oh, and by the way, I was talking about awesome piano god Billy Joel, not retarded idiot Green Day Billie Joe. They get confused way too much.)

I wish Green Day would just go away.

(I did get the singer wrong, but I was thinking of someone else entirely. I actually kind of like Green Day, but prefer their earlier stuff.)

Granted, as they're flying to their next concert their plane crashes landing on your car. Your crushed to death, and the entire band has epiphanies. Billie Joe Armstrong becomes a priest, Mike Dirnt becomes an unsuccessful porn star, and Tre Cool travels to Africa and wanders around aimlessly.

I wish my mind was transfered into a super computer with a permanent internet connection.

Granted..but...it's...a..really..slow...connection ..and..weighed down.....with...pop-ups...


I wish I discovered a new part of Earth which just so happens to be inhabited by absurdly attractive women who praise me as a god. And they coincidentally speak english.

Granted. But their Gods are all about sacrifice and resurrection. At the end of the first day they throw you into a volcano.

I wish I had some more sunflower seeds. Lightly salted, no other seasonings.

Granted...................What are you waiting for??.......... you got what you wanted.........what?? is it not good enough??..........ok........fine.........lightly salted sunflower seeds is what you want then...... fine.... but they are already eaten and they are in my stomache.......hope the acid isn't to painful.....

I wish I was the Best baseball player in the world

Granted. However, you don't get better at baseball, all the other baseball players in the world just have all their skill taken away. This sudden catastrophe is labeled the Rapture for baseball players, and while 50 percent of the victims commit suicide out of pain and fear, the other half starts a satanic cult worshipping "Baseball Jesus", deciding that the only way to get their baseball skill back is to kill everyone else on Earth to please Baseball Jesus.
HAPPY NOW?!?!

I wish global warming would stop.

Granted, but its acid rain. All the plants wither and die.

I wish the original Library of Alexandria still existed.

What plants? :p

-I wish I was the best baseball player in the world-

Granted until a confused Australian Yobbo is playing around with a footie and boots you in the head before your first big game. You go into a coma and you never wake up. Nobody witnesses your greatness.

I wish my legs wouldn't cramp so much

Granted. They get cut off.


(geez, that was easy...)

I wish I looked better.

Granted.

I wish I could think of something mean to say about Crazy Ivan's wish.

Granted, except you say something mean to yourself (Cuz you never specified who you were being mean AT.)
Ex: "Granted. Your good-lookingness is multiplied by the inverse of my ugliness. In other words, you become infinitely good looking."
Oh, SNAP.

I wish someone would give me a truly hard wish to twist.

DAMMIT! I wish I could give Crazy Ivan a wish to twist... hmmm.... I wish that I had a pet Dinosaur that would eat my enemies!

Granted. You have such a low self-esteem (As evidenced by previous ugliness comment about yourself) that you are considered your own worst enemy (EMO) so your dinosaur gets confused and kills you.

C'mon, you can try harder than that. Sheesh.

I wish I could live in New England.

Granted, however, New England happens to be in a new solar system. You pop into existance and take a look around. It's paradise. Unfortunatly, you failed to realise that you needed to wish that you could breath in New England and as you clutch at your throat, your skin turns various shdes of colors and your head slowly explodes. And as the light grows dim, you witness this from your own semi-exploded eyeball which is traveling at a slow rate towards a venus fly trap.

*Tap drips in the distance* That's all I have.

I wish I could wish for a wish that involves wishing that I can wish to stomp on Crazy Ivan's head while playing on my new computer that I have wished for while being immune to Mozzies!

Alright, you can wish for it. You just choose not to.

I wish Creedence Clearwater Revival would play at the next Half-Time show.

Granted. But they are really homocidal mechanical robots that take out everything in their path. You included suffer a painful death as you are smashed into the stage with their guitars of death.

I wish I could be bothered watching the Superbowl. I also wish I could spell.

Granted. Okay, so you get really bothered and angry while watching the superbowl. Also, you can spell, but only the word "piss".

I wish to have invulnerable spectacles.

Granted, you get invulnerable spectacles. You lose them the next day.

I wish my feet were warmer. (This global warming is freezing.):D

Granted, you're feet are as hot as the sun and you immediately
set fire to your dog who runs outside and burns down your prize winning rose bush.

I wish I could type as fast as I think.

Granted, but instead of raising your typing level to your thinking level, your thinking level lowers to your typing level.

I wish I didn't need glasses.

Granted.......instead of not needing glasses you now want them for no apparent reason and you now are happy...... intill you figure out that wasnt what you wished for.

I wish this wish couldn't be turned into something bad

Granted. It's turned into something horrible.

I wish this wish couldn't be turned into anything negative at all.

Granted, it turns positive instead. Positive like a magnet. It encircles you in (positive) protons, that acts like an electro magnet. You're crushed by flying girders.

(Yes this is taking great liberty with wording, but you have to admit its a funny picture.)

I wish I was God.

Granted. No one believes in you. You stop existing. The end!

I wish I was invulnerable.

Granted.......but no one likes you...how sad???.....so i guess it doesnt really matter......hahahaha

I wish I was the creater of this site

Granted. You become the resident "creater", and regularly get people asking you what exactly a "creater" is.

I want to have invulnerable spectacles that can never be lost or stolen or sabotaged.

Granted, you just choose not to wear them.

I wish I could play guitar.

Granted. Anything you play will be so horrible sounding that corpses will start breaking down your door and asking politely, "Please Sir, could you stop that?" And we all know zombies are most frightening when polite.


I wish I had invulnerable spectacles that cannot be lost, stolen or sabotaged, and I choose to wear them, yet can take them off when I want to, and after taking them off I can wear them again without problems. Also, nothing is wrong with the way I see when I am using them. I also have them permanently.

Granted. To bad they're just a little to small for you. They pinch a little whenever you wear them. Other than that they're perfect.

I wish all the orange trees in the world vanished never to return.

Granted. They're replaced with...PRUNE TREES (dun-dun-duh!)!!!!

I wish prunes didn't exist.

Granted. But the only thing that your body can break down suffient is prunes. So you eventually eat some thing else and die a painful anfd horrible death.

I wish I had incredible speed that I could use whenever I wanted to and it was safe to use.

Granted. Too bad someone realizes how fast you are. While asleep one night they gas you, throw you in the back of a van, hogtied of course, and drive you to a specially designed electrical plant. You spend the rest of your life running in a giant mouse wheel that runs a generator providing clean electricity to the entire state.
And if you don't run they set annoying monkeys into the wheel with you to torment you with their shrieks and excellent throwing skills.

I wish I knew the cure to all diseases in the world. And that none of those cures resulted in the death of the patients, myself, or anyone else.

Granted....You know the cures for all the diseases in the world....but you told them to your best friend (another Bill Gates) and he takes credit for the cures.....you go insane and kill yourself over frustratrion

I wish I would have anything I wanted..I would simply just have to say I wanted some thing and it would appear

Granted. Unfortunately the next day you get laryngitis that leaves your vocal cords whithered and dead. You never speak again.

I wish I had a constant supply of endorphins running through my system constantly, and naturally. I also wish I was found quickly enough after this happens that I don't starve to death, rather I just sit in a nice little padded cell for the rest of my life on a constant unending blissful high.

Granted, you are now high as a kite without interruption. That is until a Colombian drug cartel get wind of you and wants to know your secret so you can be the next big street drug. So in a vain attempt to harness your abilities they suck all the juice out of you and leave you a withered husk.

I wish all my in-laws were not quite so obnoxious.

Granted, they stop being obnoxious but become nasty instead.

I wish I had invulnerable spectacles that cannot be lost, stolen or sabotaged, and I choose to wear them, yet can take them off when I want to, and after taking them off I can wear them again without problems. Also, nothing can go wrong with the way I see when I am using them. I also have them permanently. They are the perfect size and shape and grow together with the size of my head.

Granted. They just don't have lenses.

I wish Myst would stop wishing for spectacles of any kind.

Granted. Refer to my wish.

I wish I had invulnerable glasses that cannot be lost, stolen or sabotaged, and I choose to wear them, yet can take them off when I want to, and after taking them off I can wear them again without problems. Also, nothing can go wrong with the way I see when I am using them. I also have them permanently. They are the perfect size and shape and grow together with the size of my head. They have lenses that are firmly in place, but made of a special invulnerable synthetic material that cannot be broken and absorbs impact. It is the perfect degree, and automatically adjusts itself as my eye degree heightens.

Granted. But why on earth would you want some wearable invulnerable drinking glasses? Thats just silly.

I wish that every hunting season I would kill one black bear (legally of course) that weighed 500 pounds, so that I wouldn't have to buy meat for the entire winter. Without suffering injury or death.

your wish is my command,however, each hunting season after you shoot and kill this huge bear you neglect to freeze it right away and all the meat goes rancid.

I wish for legal money that can not be stolen, lost, or, used to kill me in anyway.

Granted, you get a single peso. Completely legal, usable, and it doesn't get stolen.

I wish I had self cleaning dishes.

Granted, all the dishes clean themselves, but dispose of the waste by just throwing it around the house.

I wish that the wishermen had a wish that could be traded for a wished wish of a wishing wisherman which in fact, let me tell you, IS A WISH of a wisherdaughter, the extremely attractive wisheroffspring of wisherknights claiming glory after wishing for the wished wish, the wish of salvation of wishing. All wishes were born from the wished wish, as it was wished upon the wished wish for wishes to exist. Our lands are wishified.

Granted. But the Wisher Revenue Service wasn't given its cut by the Wishermen, thus they cancel all wishes, until a full review can be enacted. Unfortunately no one notifies you so you miss the review date. Which throws everything into chaos, and demands another review. This goes on for years, until you die of old age.

Lets keep this simple. I wish I wasn't tone deaf.

Granted......but you hear only the good tones and the world depends on the bad ones....too badf

I wish that I was you

wish granted. you now are a 22 year old female with a 4 year old who likes to pinch.

I wish I was good at playing the piano

Granted......But suddenly the world stops producing pianos becuase of it's trance it now has been giving to people around the world.....it is now banned to be played or owned. .... . too bad.....


I wish i was good at the violin

Granted. You walk into a dark forest one night, and meet up with some elves in a clearing. They offer to teach you to play the violin, and you accept. For the entire night they teach you how to play. By morning you are exhausted but you can play the most wonderful music with the violin. As they leave you walk out of the clearing and collapse into dust. You had been playing for the last 500 years.

I wish I had a pair of really comfortable track pants custom made for me.

granted. But they are snap track pants and noone can resist ripping them off of you. Therefor you end up walking around in your underwear all day.

I wish for a sunny day

Granted. The sun shines on Cuba. Hope you live in Cuba.

I wish my next novel earned me millions.

Granted......Your book makes millions......To bad you are going to court for plagerism.....too bad

I wish I was a green man

Granted you turn a really pale sickly green. Doctors think your sick and throw you into a lab for the rest of your life to keep you from infecting others, and run constant painful experiments on you.
They really don't think you're sick, they're just sadistic.

I wish I could turn invisible at will, and make anything I was holding invisible at will as well.

Granted........ You touch A bomb and it explodes.....

I wish I was never mad

Granted. Now everytime you would get mad you start crying and get sad instead. All your colleagues make bets on how quickly and how often you'll cry during the day.

I wish I was spineless.

Granted.......you eventually die bacause you can't move...........

I wish I was King of USA

Granted. You wander around the US saying your the king with the official license as well. People laugh and clap and give you 'taxes' (donations) until some people beat you to death and steal your crown.

I wish I was never tired.

Granted.....You are never tired which means you never sleep.....you eventually die becuase you couldnt sleep.....

I wish I was A winner

Granted. <error> <error> IMPOSSIBLE WISH <error> <error> SYSTEM FAILURE IMMINENT <error> ATTEMPTING REBOOT <error> SYSTEM FAILURE <error> SAVE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN <error> SYSTEM SHUTTING DOWN <error> SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITIATED <error> 5,4, <error> 3 <error>, 2, <error> <error> 1. <error> HAVE A <error> NI <error> CE DAY <BOOM>

I think you broke the wish machine.

I wish Big Foot was my friend.

Granted......But big foot doesn't know how to treat friends because hes big foot and he eats you.....

I wish I was like a bird so I could fly far far away......I wish I was a bird so I could fly far far away....

granted then forest gump gets a gun liscense and shoots you down.
I wish i was really clever

Granted......You figure out that the guy above was repeating a line of Forest Gump.....Stupid is stupid does.....life is like box of chocolates.....Well you were clever in figuring that out so good job and good wish...

I wish I could hear a line from any movie and know what movie it was

granted. you know every line from every movie, but you cant stop thinknig about movies and lines and can never follow a conversation-your life because a million movies all in one.....

I wish I was not afraid of heights

granted: Now you are happy only if you are more than ten feet off the ground. So unless you are exceptionally tall you are doomed to spend your final days at the top of your neighbors rickety extension ladder.

I wish I had my body I had when I was 22 and the brains I have now.

Granted. You get shot shortly after.

I wish I could know all of lifes secrets.

Granted. You could all along, but depends on whether you may.


I wish that Peter Parker dumps Mary Jane and hooks up with Black Cat or something.

Granted. Jilted Mary Jane joins up with Doc Oc who uses her as a distraction against Spider Man. Spider Man dies, Doc Oc accidently blows up the world. Marvel Comics explains it was all a way to end the entire Marvel Universe and sells out to Fox. Fox takes all the Marvel characters horribly mutilates them to make them more kid friendly, and releases them totally out of sequence. Eventually Fox cancels all its comic book related businesses, as people run away in droves.

I wish God existed, so I could wish God out of existence.

You wish is granted, God exists but you can't wish him him away because you used your wish to make him. However, God being God and all, knows the blasphemous wish you were about to make before you ran out of wishes and smites you with a plague of dung beetles and stink bugs that take up residence in your left nostril until they eventually smother you. After which you go to hell, which is worse than the bugs.

I wish hadn't made such long, run-on sentences for no apparent reason.

Granted that sentence ceases to exist. Unfortunately that altered time. So the correction is in a parallel universe and we're still here. So you still look foolish for making such a long run on sentence. And we'll all know you did it for all eternity.

I wish I was the last male human on Earth, while the female population remains completely unaffected. .

Granted, but then you would have to let me remain. And we would have to share fairly. XD


I wish I could have a special pocket of time where I could do things without normal time passing, so if I ever needed to cram for a test or physically work out I could just go in and do it in my private time hole. It also has wonderful five-star facilities and there is no possibility of me being trapped there.

Granted, however, you have to put up with me as well! :p

I wish I could have enough time and energy to clean my house so It's spotless and shiny and wash all the cloths etc with enough time left over to get ready to go out for valentines day!

Granted........




Granted....But you have no one to go out with on Valentines day because they either left you or no one l;ikes you...

I wish I was Awsome

Granted. You are awsomly mean! and no one likes you which is awsome in itself. (And I do have someone that loves me! :() :D

I wish my teeth could be back to perfect! (a tip for the kids: don't drink too much coke... it does rott your teeth! :D)

Granted your teeth are perfect again. And they're sitting on your dentists desk as a souvenir.

I wish I had someone, nice, attractive, healthy, sane, and female to spend valentines day with. And human.

granted. This amazing lady spends valentines with you, but she talks about how perfect her and her boyfriend are for each other.(BURN)

I wish I had skin as soft as a babys.

Granted. But now you have reverted to infancy.

I wish I could take my upper lip and pull it over the top of my head.

granted. unfortunately, some one applied the stickiest substance known to man to the back of your head, and it takes several million years to wear out. you stay like that for several million years.

I wish i was good at drawing

Granted. But you can only draw with your spleen.

I wish toothpaste tasted like chocolate.

granted. This amazing lady spends valentines with you, but she talks about how perfect her and her boyfriend are for each other.(BURN)


Ouch.

Granted. All toothpaste tastes like chocolate. Too bad for you it is chocolate. You lose all your teeth within five years, and because everyone knows you wished it they don't give you any false teeth in revenge. Hope you like eating mush.

I wish the common cold didn't exist.

Granted. But because the common cold doesn't exist, people's immune systems become lax and get attacked by rapidly-mutating bacteria that their bodies cannot handle. They all die. And you're the only one left in the world.

I wish there was a truly natural (not man-made) blue food.

Granted, But it only comes out of the south end of a baby (And that's the truth as any diaper veteran knows) Eat at your own peril.

I wish I understood what women were thinking.

Ew. And being pregnant doesn't make it sound any better.

All right. Your wish is granted. But now you are a woman.

I wish I could speak backwards.

Granted, you can speak backwards, and only backwards. The worse side affect is you can only understand people when they speak backwards as well.

I wish I had an unbreakable, unlosable, unstealable, never empty Vodka bottle, full of really good vodka.

Granted. But you can never open it.

I wish I had purple eyes.

granted, now you're barney the dinosaur. (I love you you love me....ARGH!!!!)

I wish they would make a Jurassic park movie that had Barney in it. (You can guess the results)

granted.But all the dinosaurs are like barney,and your sister thinks its her birthday everyday and you have to watch it with her everyday.

i wish k-bagillion was a word(it means 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000)

Granted......But the film makers put barney as like a second godzilla and he dominates instead of dying.....SAD

I wish I was Insane!!!!

Granted. But now you sit alone in the center of a padded room plucking every single hair out of your head one by one with the goal of gluing them back to your scalp in reverse.

I wish I could fly.

Granted you can fly, but you can never come within 10 feet of the ground again.

I wish for everyone to have a joyful, plentiful and healthy long life, for 10,000 years.

Granted. But now everyone has become sterile from being alive for too long and the human race dies out.

I wish for some chili.

Granted, but it is really greasy, weak and cold.

I wish my eyes glowed green on command, without affecting my vision.

Granted. But now people have declared you a mutant and have locked you away for the rest of your life.

I wish I had more noses.

Granted you get an extra nose on your tail bone. Now it really sucks to go to the bathroom.

I wish everyone on Earth vanished except me, so I would have time to read all the books I want to in peace and quiet while eating from scavenged cans of beef ravioli.

Granted....you love life and what it has instore for you now...with everyone out of YOUR way.....You last for a couple years but the "being alone" part finally gets to you and you decide that you had made a terrible wish and you decide to go to the local pharmacy and OD on some pills but only to have ate the wrong ones and instead dont get the cold....
you die from the flue

I wish I was as awsome as domoviye....just to see what being a loser feels like....u know lol

Granted. You're now 26 living at home waiting for any job offers to teach English as a second language. Everyone you know lives at least three hours away, you have no money, but very little debt. And a brother and sister-in-law who constantly tell you to get a job in the fascinating field of industrial labour, or become a government peon.
I really can't think of anyway I could make this worse. At least I'm fairly healthy.

I wish I had a better life. :D

Granted........Your life is "better" and you thank god you now know that you do have a chance!!! I really dont want to make a bad ending.......reading that story made me feel sorry for you.....So you got a "good" wish......

I wish domoviye's life had a wonderful twist

granted. he becomes everything he wants to be and more. he becomes rich and when you get money you insantly become really hot. you move away from home. your siblings look up to you, and you have a zillion friends because your rich and hot. ....howevere this is a evil wish thread and you get sick and die of some incurrable disease....money and hottness wont get you outta this one..sorry....

I wish people would get my twisted sense of humor and not see me as a crazy.

Granted......People see your sense of humor and dont think your crazy....instead they just hate you for no reason....and kick you off this forum....

I wish I could kick arnolds ass

My life isn't really that bad. At least my parents let me live with them. I'm healthy. I do have job prospects just no job yet, so I'm not unemployable. It just sounds bad when I lay everything out.

Anyways back to the evil wishes.
Granted. Your right behind Arnold as he bends over with no security around. You can kick his ass right now. Your future doesn't look bright, but go ahead.

I wish I had a really good book to read.

Granted. But you find that the ending is lousy.

I wish I just. . . could.

I've already read that book. I threw it against a wall when they introduced Scooby-Doo on the last bloody page.

Granted. You could, but the moment passed so now you can't. Sorry.

I wish my cuts wouldn't bleed. But my blood continued to circulate within my body, doing its job properly.

granted but bacteria can still get in the cuts and circulate and grow in your body till you becoming insanely ill.
p.s. italian stallion....ouch.....

I wish Itallion stallion pulls a muscle in each finger so he cant join in on the thread. u bugger.haha

Granted......I pull every muscle in my hand......But I learn how to type with my feet.....And still manage to turn all your wishes wonderfully horrid.....Just the way I like them.....hahahahahahahahaha

I wish I could type with my feet...they would call me "the monkey" Cuz I'm hairy......:(

Granted. Your toes get a little longer and more dexterous. And your arms fall off at the shoulders.

I wish I had a calendar that would write my appointments on itself as soon as I made them, so I would never have to write on it.

Granted. Now your calendar is making crazy appointments at will on days you've reserved specifically for yourself.

And, to top it off, it's calling the people its made these appointments with and assuring them that not only will you keep the appointment, but will also fly in using a helicopter dressed in a tutu (yes, the helicopter will have the tutu on), with a snarling pitbull at your side.

I wish I could transcend willingly into the afterlife and be able to come back at will, all without dying.

Granted, but every time you come back one of your significant organs is left behind. It's only a matter of several trips before your heart goes all houdini on you.

I wish Domoviye ate himself. With relish and custard and tuna....mixed together.

Now wait just a second! My body wouldn't be going up there, just my soul, so how could . . . Oh never mind. Lol.

Granted. Um . . . but now . . . you're left to contend with his ghost, who haunts you to the bitter end of your own life.

I wish I could go back to sleep.

Okay, so if we're talking spiritual here, then the spiritual equivalent of each of your organs is left behind- this change thus manifesting itself as a physical affliction (when you get back to the physical plane) not in the form of a dissapearance of the respective organ but rather the ceasing of its function (applying the logic of how a man will be useless without a soul, but the physical vessel still present)

Lol, the signs of too much time. Anyway, back to the evil wishes.

Granted. You go back to sleep but wake up again after a minute.

I wish Devon made cookies.

Lol. That's better. And that last wish actually happened to me last night.

Granted. I do make cookies. But they are lousy cookies because I put in a batch of poker chips instead of chocolate chips when the recipe called for 'chips.'

I wish Myst would wish for more wishes.

Granted but Myst makes so many wishes and they're so complicated, we burn our minds out trying to come up with ways to twist them. And Myst gets really bored when we don't reply.

I wish I had a can of root beer.

Granted. But it's a pre-shaken can of root beer and all of it completely fizzes out the moment you flip the top.

I wish I was taller.

Granted.......Your taller.......1/1000 of a inch taller........Your so happy now...people will treat you different now...yay!!!

I wish I was a Good boxer....

Granted but Myst makes so many wishes and they're so complicated, we burn our minds out trying to come up with ways to twist them. And Myst gets really bored when we don't reply.

Lol, sounds perfectly realistic except for the part about me being able to think up a complex wish. XD

Anyway.

Granted. You can now look Godzilla in the eyes.

I wish Domoviye was merely an abstract concept.

ok now I am confused??? you forgot my wish man!!! ahahahaaaahahha....meany

All right, Italian Stallion . . . your wish has been granted. But you can only box yourself or put yourself into boxes. Oh, and Domoviye is an abstract object, only now Domoviye thinks the same of you, Myst.

Are we on track again?

I wish I lived in a bottle of soda.

And thanks for making me taller, Myst! Lol. Taller than 1/1000 of an inch anyway. Although, that's not totally unrealistic.

Granted....You live in a coke can...And some average joe drinks you.....and you get digested and everything...sounds fun

I wish I was Good at bowling..."highest score was 102"

Granted, you are now the world famous "Italian-bowling-stallion". People come from miles around just to watch you throw an eight pound ball with holes in it down a long skinny floor at ten sticks. However you are also now an idiot savant and unless you're bowling you have the brains and social skills of an overcooked eggplant.

I wish I both my legs worked right.

Granted. As you walk along the street a bus hits you when you try to jay walk.

I wish Santa Claus was real, and gave presents to all the good children. As an adult he wouldn't leave anything for me, but I'm fine with that.

Granted. But Santa Claus gets too old after a while and abdicates his merry christmas throne to the one mortal closest to his personality: Michael Jackson.

I wish I could get a nice girl to spend time with. She has to have a pleasant appearance and intelligence. She has to be human and not dead.

Granted.
Shes not dead yet.
Shes terminal, and dies in 24 hours, make it last punk.

I wish for permanent online status, even when not here!

Granted. Eventually other members can't tell whether you're offline or online and just ignore you.

I wish your mom was your dad and vice versa.

Granted....My mom is my dad and my dad is my mom.......isnt that already a bad ending?......

I wish your dad was George W. Bush!! hahahaha that would suck

Granted. Millionaire, secret service guards to beat people up on command. Power. Besides having to keep him away from alcohol, and not letting him touch science or medicine is there really a downside?

I wish I your worst enemy would drop dead.

(I believe i have written this to someone else but here is goes) This amazing girl spends the whole day with you, shes everything you wanted her to be and more, but she has a bf and talks about how perfect they are for each other alllll day.

I wish getting my hair done didnt cost so much and still looked good

Granted......Your hair is now more cost efficient and still looks good.....But a midget does your hair and you couldnt help but laugh and she denies your service....tough luck..

I wish I was Henry the 8Th

Granted you become King Henry the 8th, on January 25, 1547. You die grossly overweight, and in pain from an ulcerated leg wound, suffering from syphilis on January 28, 1547.

I wish I was a key member of a successful rock band.

Granted........You become a Key member for the rock band of your choice.......your the bands groupy......you satisfy your band members when they ask.......hqahahahahaha.......and how ever they like it...hahahaha...

I wish I could catch a bullet

(As long as its an all girls band, I could live with that)

Granted. You can catch a bullet. Just remember sucking chest wounds are natures way of telling you to slow down.

I wish I had perfect pitch.

Granted. you now have perfect pitch. However the pitch is sticky and glues your hands together all day long. haha i know what you meant but i twisted it because you wrote it wrong.

I wish things always worked out

This amazing girl spends the whole day with you, shes everything you wanted her to be and more, but she has a bf and talks about how perfect they are for each other alllll day.

Yeowch. What a burn.


Granted, things always work out, just never for you.


I wish that I could drink souls.

Granted but they're really high in fat. So after a few your waist line balloons as you gain three hundred pounds. And the voices of the eaten that mutter curses at you constantly makes it really hard to sleep.

I wish I was the optimum weight for my size.

granted! but you keep growing taller and taller and becoming heavier and heavier untill you explode.

I wish the cancer was nonexistent

Granted.......good wish........but...Before you make that wish you die of cancer and your mom as well.....so you saved alot of peoples lives.....you will be remebered.....ha

I wish I made a love potion....

Granted. It only works on members of the same sex, and it makes them want to get married and settle down before anything happens. After the honeymoon though everything goes downhill and they eventually file for divorce, and kill you with alimony.

I wish I was perfectly normal.

Well.....Since there is no actual definition of "normal" so you become ugly and stupid in your eyes and suddenly it doesnt matter what other people think...too bad...darn....

I wish The U.S.A. found evidence of actual life in outer space

Granted, but the aliens come down and suck your brains out through your nostrils.

I wish I was an elf in Lord of the Rings.

(I know, nerd wish -_-)

Granted.....I dont rememebr what happens but you get eaten or somin of that sort....

I wish I was THE ALTIMATE RULER!

Granted, but a mystical rock falls on your head and kills you.

I wish I could be Mikey Way's (bassist of My Chemical Romance) girlfriend instead of Alisha Simmons.

granted. But his wang falls off and well.....have fun with that....

I wish I had really nice nails