Describe Something to a Kid

[NathanBrazil]

Basically you have to try and get into the mind of a four and five year old and try and describe a word or phrase. Once you’ve described it, or tried, you then leave a word or phrase for some else to describe. You can take it as a serious exercise or have fun with it. Just keep it PG. Try to keep it short. Make it 10 short lines or a paragraph. (I’ve gone a bit long on mine.)

I’ll go first: What’s a helicopter?
Boy - What’s a helicopter?
Dad – Well it has a blade on top that spins.
Boy – A blade? Like a knife?
Dad – No. You remember the beanie hats with that little spinning thing on top?
Boy – Yes.
Dad – Well imagine that on an airplane.
Boy- One of those little spinny things on a big plane?
Dad-Well the helicopter is much smaller.
Boy-How small? Holding his hands a foot apart.
Dad-Like about the size of your playset.
Boy-Why would you put a beanie on a playset?

Describe a Vacuum in Space

[Shadow Reeves]

kid: whats a vaccuum?
dad:nothing
kid: i dont get it
dad: an enclosed area where there is nothing, which makes it pull air and stuff into it
kid: i dont get.
dad: f'ing google it, i have work to do.

describe gravity

[Ashleigh]

Kid: What's gravity?

Dad: It's what stops you from floating off into space.

Kid: How?

Dad: Do you remember when I held your hands, and spun you around so fast that your feet left the ground and you felt like you were flying? The force is a bit like that.

Kid: Like the force in star wars?

Dad: No, it's a bit more useful than that.

Kid: Oh. Gravity sounds like gravy...

Describe an orange!

[gitamo]

Kid: Whats an orange?
Me: Its a round, orange fruit?
Kid: Yeah but whats an orange?
Me: Oh. Its a sweet, yummy round fruit. It's name is orange which is also the name of its color - orange.
Kid: But why? and what color is apple then 'cause there are green apples, red apples and yellow apples...

What is color?

[NathanBrazil]

Girl: What is color?
Dad: It's like . . . different tinges of . . . like differnt shades.
Girl: Shades?
Dad: You know how there is light and dark?
Girl: Hugs stuffed unicorn tightly. I don't like the dark.
Dad: I know honey. . . See that bowl on the table. That's the color yellow. And this tennis ball is green. And daddy's hair is brown.
Girl: There's a whole lot more than brown in there.
Dad: Ok, smarty pants. Daddy has a lot more gray than he used to. But all of those are colors. Ok?
Girl: Ok.

What is a lawn mower?

[Wreybies]

Son ~ "Dad, what is a lawn mower?"

Dad ~ "It's that thing I use on Sunday afternoons, outside. it's kinda' round."

Son ~ "I thought that was called beer."

Dad ~ "No, it's round and flat."

Son ~ "The blow-up pool?"

Dad ~ *deep sigh* "No. It's round, it's flat, it makes a noise like BRBRBRBRBRBRB!!"

Son ~ "........ your butt.........?"



Describe sink.

[NathanBrazil]

Boy: What is sink? (sink the verb)

Dad: Well, imagine you’re on one of those boats you like to play with in the bathtub.

Boy: Yeah?

Dad: We’re going to shrink you, so you can fit on the boat.

Boy: For how long?

Dad: Not too long. Well, imagine you’re on the boat and something puts a hole in the boat.

Boy: Like a shark?

Dad: Yeah. Like a shark. And the boat takes on water and gets real heavy. It begins to get lower and lower in the water. And then it goes all the way to the bottom.
That’s sinking.

Boy: Does the shark eat me?

Dad: No. He is your friend. He carries you to the faucet, where you climb to safety.

Boy: Oh.

Describe a typewriter

[Cogito]

Daughter: Daddy, what's a typewriter?
Dad: It's a machine people used to write letters and stories and things.
Daughter: I use a pencil. Miss Janice says my letters are hetting good and straight.
Dad: Well, I meant letters, like the ones we send through the mail, but a typewriter makes the other kinds of letters too. It has a keyboard--
Daughter: Oh, like your 'puter! Can I play with your 'puter for a while.
Dad: Right, the typewriter is kind of like a computer, but it could only be used to type words on paper. All the letters were the same size, and only one color, although some typewriters could do two colors.
Daughter: That's so silly! Why didn't they use their 'puter?
Dad: Typewriters were around when most people didn't have their own computers. Home computers had not been invented yet. I had to use a typewriter when I was in college.
Daughter: Wow. Before 'puters? How old are you, Daddy?
Dad: Here, I'll put up the paint program. You can play for an hour. Daddy needs a nap.

Describe a boom box

[Robyn]

Kid: Momma, what's a 'boom box'?

Mom: Darling, its late. Go to sleep.

Kid: But I wanna know what it is!

Mom: Well, its sort of like a radio. It plays music.

Kid: Does it go boom? Like a bomb?

Mom: No, honey. It just plays music.

Kid: Then why's it called a BOOM box?

Mom: I don't know, dear. Now go to sleep.

Kid: But Momma, why is it called a boom box if it doesn't go boom?

Mom: Honey, if it'll get you to stop talking, a boom box does go 'boom'. And unless you go to bed RIGHT NOW, I'll put it in with your stuffed animals. Mr. Snuggles too.


Describe why we have noses.

[cynthia a k]

son.mamma why nose for me?
mom.baba,to know whether i am near you.
son.but mama, i can see you!
mom.imagine that you are in a dark room,the wind comes in and you get my smell,won't you be happy?
son.mom, how do you smell god?

what is sorrow?

[mercy]

daughter: mommy, what is sorrow?
mother: Sorrow is what mommies feel when they cry.
daughter: Why do you cry mommy?
mother: because i love you so much, and I wish I could give you the whole world.
daughter: I don't understand.
mother: and I pray you never do. shhhhh sleep, sleep.

what is peace?

[CharlieVer]

Child: Mommy, what is peace?

Mom: I'll tell you in a minute. I have to finish these dishes your lazy, no-good father left out.

Child: (drawing a heart with crayon) But Mommy, don't you love him?

Mom: Yeah, whatever. Always picking up after him, never does anything right. I sure never get any peace around here.

Child: (playing with toy) But what is peace?

Mom: Are you going to keep bothering me with that? I tell you, I have so much to do, if it's not one thing it's another. Okay, I'm between things. What was it you wanted to know?

(She finds the child asleep, and pauses, sees the child's innocent look, sees the toy, the heart drawn, and then, in a flash, the child teaches her what peace is.)

What is death?

[NathanBrazil]

Daughter: What is death?

Dad: Do you remember when we watched the spider wrap the moth up and how the moth got all shriveled up?

Daughter: Is that what really happen to gramma? There was a ‘mongous spider?

Dad: No. No. Uh. Grandma went on a long journey. And well . . . where she went, she can’t come back. But she’s happy there.

Daughter: Danny says that dead people is food for worms. Do worms really eat people?

Dad: Well, Danny is a big dummy and you shouldn’t listen to him.

Daughter: It not nice to call people dummy, Daddy!

Dad: You’re right. Daddy is sorry. You know, I’m thinking that mommy can explain this better than daddy. Why don’t you ask her?

Daughter: Mommy’s on the phone. She walks away, letting Elmo drag behind her.

What is a tornado?

[Fallen]

Boy: what's a tornado?
Dad: huh?
Boy: Tornado. What is it?
Dad: oh, erm, wind, yeah, it's fast moving wind.
Boy: like when you eated a curry?
Dad: no, not quite. Just as damaging, though.
Boy: so what's a 'nado?
Dad: go pull the plug out the bath, you'll see one.
Boy: tornados live in baths?
Dad: nope, but your mom does.

What is hunger?

[NathanBrazil]

Son: What is hunger?

Dad: Well, it’s that pain you get in your belly when you haven’t eaten in a long time.

Son: I get that pain all the time.

Dad: Yeah. We’ve been thinking that you probably got a tape worm.

Son: A tape worm? What’s that?

Dad: It lives inside your belly and eats all your food.

Son: Daddy!

Dad: I’m just kiddin with you. There are people in the world that go a long time without eating. It hurts a lot more than what you feel.

Son: Why don’t somebody feed ‘em?

Dad: It’s not that easy. I think momma’s makin something in the kitchen. Why don’t you go check?

Son: Momma! Momma! I’m hungry.

What is a black hole?

[Link the Writer]

Boy: Daddy, what is a black hole?
Daddy: It's a huge hole in space.
Boy: Who put it there?
Daddy: I don't know. I guess God did when he wants to get rid of stuff. It's like how we throw things we don't need into trashcans.
Boy: Are trashcans black holes? Billy said that if you're stuck in one, you can't come out.
Daddy: Yeah, black holes are-
Mommy: STU! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO CUT THE GRASS!!!
Daddy: Yeah, you can't get out of it. >_____>

What is blindness?

[NathanBrazil]

Girl: What is blindness?

Dad: Do you see that I’m watching TV?

Girl: Yes.

Dad: And you know you’re not supposed to bug me when I’m watching TV?

Girl: Yes. I just wanted-

Dad: Blindness means you can’t see! Ok?

Mom: What’s wrong with you? She’s just trying to ask you a simple question.

Dad: Can’t I watch TV in peace!

Mom: Come here hon. Daddy’s just in one of his moods. I want you to close your eyes. Now imagine that your eyes were closed all the time.

Girl: But it’s dark. So dark all the time?

Mom: Well, I suppose they would get used to it after a while.

Girl: I don’t like it. I don’t think I’d ever get used to it.


Describe Love

[Link the Writer]

Girl: What is love?
Dad: Love is when you are happy with someone or something you like.
Girl: So, like your best friend Rob?
Dad: Well, I do like-(realization dawns on him) HEY!
Girl: (skips away while singing) Daddy and Rob sittin' in a tree! K I S S and I N G!
Dad: God, I love her and hate her at the same time.

Describe War

[NathanBrazil]

Describe War

Son: What is war?

Dad: I’m glad you asked me that. Since the birth of man, wars have been waged. And often it is over something frivolous that amounts to nothing more than where to draw a line in the sand. Take-

Son: Daddy?

Dad: Yes.

Son: You’re doin’ that thing again . . . where you talk a whole lot.

Dad: Oh, yes. Well, let’s say you and I both really want that plastic sword. And we yell and squabble but neither one of us is willing to give an inch. So I put together a band of angry men and form a small army. Then you-

Son: Daddy! It’s too many words!

Dad: Sorry. opens a dictionary Here we go. “A conflict carried on by force of arms, as between nations or between parties within a nation: warfare, as by land, sea, or air.” Does that help?

Son: No. Forget it.

Describe jealousy.

[tcol4417]

What is Jealousy?

Hm. See this ball? It's shiny and red. Do you want it? That's called desire.

It belongs to me, so you can't have it. It is not yours. Do you still want it? That's jealousy.

Do not covet the accomplishments of others; life is about pursuing a truth uniquely yours. Remember that.

Describe gravity

[Link the Writer]

Son: Mommy, what is gravity?

Mommy: I do not know. Better go ask Sir Isaac Newton. He'd know.

(Son goes to Newton who is resting by an apple tree)

Son: Sir Issac Newton, what's gravity?

Newton: That is a good question, my lad. Gravity is-OW!

Son: (worried) S-Sir??

Newton: An apple fell on my head. That's gravity. It's the force that keeps everything down. Try and jump up, it'll just pull you down. Now, if you excuse me, I'm off to change the world of science forever. You may have this apple (Gets up and leaves).

Describe Japan

[NathanBrazil]

Son: What is Japan?

Mom: That’s a country. It’s a small island off of the coast of China.

Son: Really? What’s it like there?

Mom: Well, let’s see, they’ve got Geisha Girls-

Son: What are Geesa Girls?

Mom: And Sumo Wrestling-

Son: Sum o wresslin?

Mom: Ooh. And it’s the home of Godzilla.

Son: Godzilla! I wanna see Godzilla. When are we gonna go?

Describe a submarine

[Link the Writer]

Jack: Mommy, what is a submarine?

Mommy: That's where your daddy works. It's this long, thin metal ship that lives underwater.

Jack: But..Mommy...ships don't like underwater!

Mommy: I know, but these ships do and they glide towards enemy ships and launch torpedos to sink them.

Jack: Will one sink Daddy?

Mommy: No, because-

Jack: (Assumes the worst and runs to his room crying)

Mommy: Oh, Phil, why did you have to leave? You're better at explaining this crap than I am.

Describe Queen Elizabeth II.

[Majeef]

Son: Daddy, whats the Queen like?
Dad: Ask your mum.
Son: Mummy's on the phone.
Dad: *looks at watch* -sigh. Well, the Queen is old and kind and sends people birthday cards.
Son: Will she send me a birthday card?
Dad: No, you have to be 100.
Son: Like you dad?
Dad: -.-

Explain logolepsy.

[Link the Writer]

Son: What's logolepsy?

Dad: I do not know. Your mom doesn't know. Now go away. You're making me miss the show!

Son: I hate you. :(

Describe the Titanic

[Robyn]

Daughter: *Pointing to television screen* Daddy, what's that?

Father: That's the Titanic.

Daughter: What's the Tinatic?

Father: No, it's Titanic. It was a big boat that sunk, even though people said it wouldn't.

Daughter: Why'd the people lie?

Father: *Sigh* Because, Lucy, they thought it wouldn't sink. It was the best boat built at the time.

Daughter: I don't think so, Daddy. If it was the best boat built, it wouldn't sink.

Father: Well, it did. A lot of people died, too.

Daughter: Why'd they die?

Father: Because the boat sank. Now, please, will you just go bother your mother? Maybe you can convince her that those pants don't make her butt look big...


Describe the Halocaust.

[Link the Writer]

Abby: Mommy, what's the Hallocawst?

Mommy: O____O;;

Daddy: Allow me. (Takes Abby aside) Now, Abby, the Holocaust was a horrible, horrible thing that happened a long time ago.

Abby: What happened?

Daddy: Well, long ago, there was this bad, bad man who thought it was okay to hurt people just because they were different. To put it this way: It's like if that schoolyard bully decided to burn down this houe with you in it because he didn't like your adorable freckles.

Abby: (frightened) W-Will he do that?

Daddy: No! Of course not. That man who hurt those people is dead. He won't be coming back.

Abby: What about the bully at my school?

Daddy: I don't think he can burn this house down. He's not that evil.

Describe Alzheimer's Disease

[tcol4417]

Dad, what's Al's High Mer's Disease?

Hm. What day is it today, Tim?

Friday.

And what did you have for breakfast?

Weet-Bix!

And how many times did you chew your fourteenth mouthful.

What?

How many times?

Um.... I dunno.

You can't remember?

No. I can't.

Okay. Alzheimer's is like that, but for everything.

Oh. That would suck.

It would, son, it would.

Describe allergies

[Prometheus21]

Son: What are allermagies?
Dad: Allergies are your body's natural reaction to what it perceives as a threat.
Son:...
Dad: You know how you can't eat peanut butter?
Son: ...yeah... *frowns*
Dad: That's because you are allergic. If you eat peanut butter, your face and throat will puff up.
Son: To make me look bigger so I scare the peanut butter away?
Dad: Umm, sure.
Son: Why don't you puff up when you eat penaut butter?
Dad: Why don't you go ask your mother...


Describe honor

[JTheGreat]

Son: Mommy, what's honor?

Mother: It's a state of thinking where doing te right thing is the most important thing to do. Like knights. Knights have honor. That's why they rescue the princesses from the towers. And Martin Luther King Jr. too. He had honor.

Son: But didn't he get shot?

Mother: Yes, sometimes people die for honor. That's how you know that they're really honorable.

Son: Is Daddy honorable?

Mother: *Smiles* I suppose so.

Son: Is he gonna get shot?

Mother: *Smiles Still* Well, I hope not.

Describe Hell.

[NathanBrazil]

Son- Daddy what's hell?

Dad- Woah. I don't want you saying that word. Where did you hear that?

Son- You say it all the time.

Dad- Yeah, well I'm the dad and I get to say things like that.

Son- So, what is it?

Dad- It's a swear word and we're not gonna talk about it any more.

Son- I just wanted to know--

Dad- You back-sassin' me? Where's my belt?

Son- Sometimes I don't like you so much daddy.

Dad- Yeah, well right back at ya.


Describe Murder

[Anonym]

Son: What's hell?
Dad: A very bad imaginary place that some people believe you go for not believing in their imaginary friend, God.
Son: That's scary.
Dad: Don't worry. You know how monsters don't exist?
Son: Yeah.
Dad: God and Hell are just like that.

ah, beat me to it. i'll do murder too

Son: What's murder?
Dad: When someone makes someone else die.
Son: Why would someone do that?
Dad: People do it for all kinds of reasons, but the only right one is if you're protecting yourself. Otherwise, you're stealing someone's life. No one has that right.
Son: Stealing?
Dad: Yes, stealing their right to be alive and enjoy life. No one is better than anyone enough to do that, for any reason.

Describe love

[Writer_of_Wrongs]

Son: Dad, what is love?
Dad: well, its the backbone of the Christian faith
Son:...what the poop?
Dad: The word "love" in a earthly sense means "to make short people", like yourself. Or to just "have fun under the sheets of a king size bed".But in a Godly sense, it means "to wish someone to go to heaven".
Son: ...I'll understand that when I am older maybe...

Describe hatred.

[Meliha]

Son: "Dad, what's hatred?"
Dad: "Well, son, it's when you really really really don't like something."
Son: "Like I don't like broccoli?"
Dad: "More than that."
Son: "More!? No way. I don't like broccoli the most."
Dad: "And I hope in life that will always be your greatest dislike."
Son: "Why?"
Dad: "Because, when you don't like something so much that you hate it, then it feels like you are carrying stones under your skin and it feels heavy and you can't move or think. So when you hate something you must do everything you can to move away from it, so that you will be free from the stones."
Son: "Hmm, yeah, I don't like broccoli but it doesn't feel like stones even when mum makes me eat it."
Dad: "Good."

Describe white-lie

[Anonym]

Son: Dad, what's a white-lie?
Dad: When you lie about something small that doesn't hurt anyone. It can even be nicer than telling the truth sometimes.
Son: Wow. Like what?
Dad: Like how me & your mom told you Mr.Twinkles went to the National Camp for Awesome Hamsters.
Son: What?! You mean he didn't?! Where did he go???
Dad: We forgot to feed him while we were on vacation...
Son: WHAT?!?
Dad: See son? Wasn't it better believing a white-lie?

Describe what an opinion is

[Writer_of_Wrongs]

Son: Dad, what's a white-lie?
Dad: When you lie about something small that doesn't hurt anyone. It can even be nicer than telling the truth sometimes.
Son: Wow. Like what?
Dad: Like how me & your mom told you Mr.Twinkles went to the National Camp for Awesome Hamsters.
Son: What?! You mean he didn't?! Where did he go???
Dad: We forgot to feed him while we were on vacation...
Son: WHAT?!?
Dad: See son? Wasn't it better believing a white-lie?

Describe what an opinion is

you are my new favorite person, i hope you realize that...LOL :D

Son: Dad, whats an opinion?
Dad: its your view on something
Son: like what?
Dad: like i think that you were an accident, but you were planned by your mother.
Son: ...whats an accident?
Dad: Go ask your mother.
*30 seconds later*
Son: Dad, mom wants to say something very loud at you
Dad: oh great.

Describe idiocy

[Link the Writer]

Son: Dad, what's idiocy?
Dad: That's when people are being stupid.
Son: Oh...Like if I were telling the class that Jefferson was our first president...That's idiocy?
Dad: Yes. You're being stupid.
Son: WHAAAAA!!! :(

Describe surgery.

[Robyn]

Kid: Mooo-ooom! What's surmgasry?

Mom: What?

Kid: Surmgastry... um... sergary... er...

Mom: Oh! You mean surgery! Well, when somebody gets hurt really bad, they sometimes need to get cut open and have their insides fixed up too.

Kid: Ewwww. If I fall of my bike and scrape my knee again, will I need surmgartosy?

Mom: Of course not. And it's 'SURGERY' dear, say it with me. 'SIR' 'JER' 'EE'

Kid: Schermsary.

Mom: Surgery.

Kid: Sirjarsee?

Mom: SURGERY. If you say it wrong one more time, you're gonna need some...

Describe why an apple a day keeps a doctor away.

[Manav]

Dad: No. No potato chips. Eat the apple instead.

Boy: Why?:(

Dad: Because it'll keep the doctor away.

Boy: Is the Doctor afraid of apples?:eek:

Dad: Sorta.

Boy: Why?:confused:

Dad: Because eating apples keeps you healthy. It gives you power to fight bad germs and diseases.

Boy: Just like Superman!!!!

Dad: Yes. Which means less income for the doctors....;)

Boy: What?

Dad: Nothing.... eat the apples.

Describe God.

[Link the Writer]

Son: What's Gawd?
Dad: It's "God". G-O-D. He's the guy who created the universe, time and everything.
Son: Like...Like Doctor Who!
Dad: No! Nothing like that. He's immortal. He created you, me, mommy, everyone.
Son: Sooo...He's Doctor Who's daddy!
Dad: Um, no. Remember Sunday School?
Son: Doctor Who's Jesus?
Dad: Ugh! Who's been teaching you this?
Mom: I have.
Dad: Why?
Mom: Because I love to torment you.

Describe Emptiness

[JTheGreat]

Son: Mommy, what's emptiness?

Mother: It's when there's an space, with nothing to fill it.

Son: Like my tummy? There's nothing to fill THAT... *Holds Out Hands*.

Mother: *Sighs* Why does every conversation with you lead to me giving you a cookie?

Describe irony.

[hoist]

/cracks knuckles

... ow oh god my knuckles hurt

"Irony? Aren't you in, like, the third grade?"
"Just tell me what it means."
"No, for real. I think I had my first speeding ticket before I knew what that was."
"*sigh*"
"Okay, okay, fine. It's like.... um.... well, okay. Batman."
"...Batman?"
"He's allergic to kryptonite, right?"
"... you mean Superman."
"Yeah, okay. So he hops out of his Batmobile one day--"
"*sigh*"
"-- and the Green Goblin pops out all 'Hurrrr! You're going down!' and Aquaman's all 'Oh no! I left my sword in the Mystery Machine!' and it looks like he's in trouble but then a GIANT boulder of kryptonite falls on the bad guy."
"...."
"So see, you EXPECT the kryptonite to be bad, but it ends up saving him. That's ironi... hey, where you going?"
"DMV. I think I'm good for my license."
"Hang on hang on, I didn't even get to the part with Rivendell..."

Describe those Magic Eye... things.

[Writer_of_Wrongs]

Son: what the heck is this? *shows magic eye...thing*
Dad: those are manifestations of the devil, Johnny. you should put that back in the closet.
Son: awwww do i have to?
Dad: Now Johnny.
Son: what does it do?
Dad: it grants you demonic vision.
Son: Whoa! I'm telling that tomorrow at show and tell!
*pause*
Mom: What the- tell your father to get his butt over here, NOW!
Dad: oops...

Describe justice

[Link the Writer]

Son: What's justice, mommy?
Mommy: Justice is when the bad man gets punished for bad doing.
Son: So...
Mommy: For example, if you stole a muffin from the platter, you would get no candy.
Son: Oh, I get it! :D So it's like when I beat that bully up with a peice of wood today because he pushed me around for the last time!
Mommy: I-I (splutters) What the hell?!
Daddy: (Aside to son) Ssshh....

Describe thermonuclear war and nuclear winter.

[Writer_of_Wrongs]

*watching tv*
Son: whats that?
Dad:Thermonuclear war is bad. and in nuclear winter, which is what we are in, we are always cold, and we mutate and have 3 eyes.
Son: Like Mr Jones's cows?
Dad: exactly. now, put your mask on and lets go outside and play.

describe aggressive drivers

[JTheGreat]

Son: Mommy, what's an aggressive driver?

Mother: It's when drivers will ride around recklessly with no one in mind but themselves. Like when you drive around in your little trike, almost running over Daddy's toes! But once they're stuck in a traffic jam, they get VERY mad, and say bad words to the other drivers.

Son: So aggressive drivers will run over Daddy's toes and cuss because they don't like jam?

Mother: ...kind of.

Son: Why don't they just have butter on their bread?

Mother: I don't know Dear, I don't know.

Describe the economy.

[solarstarrkatt]

Kid: What's the economy?
Dad: It's what keeps us in this nice house, now shut up.
Kid: Mommy, what's the economy?
Mom: People buying and selling stuff for outrageous prices.
Kid: Like what?
Mom: You can have this toy back for nineteen-ninety nine.
Kid: That's not Fair!!!
Mom: Exactly.
Describe Family Guy.

[Link the Writer]

Son: What's Family Guy?

Dad: A show that comes on late at night. You're not allowed to watch it.

Son: *Says a quote from Family Guy*

Dad: Wh-where did you get that!?

Son: Daddy, there's this thing called the internet and Youtube. I don't need to watch TV anymore...

Describe Red Dead Redemption