Shiranai-san
05-04-2007, 04:59 PM
Please be kind and tell me what can be added...I am a tad stuck on what more to write and the chapter itself is about two hundred words shy of two-thousand...too small for a novel. This is also the beginning and I would like thoughts on it...Basically this thread is about getting the right chapter length...
Thomas Nightshade
It was already nightfall by the time I arrive before the ominous building to meet the High Authority, as to be expected. I pause, running my pale, long fingers over the collar of my sanguine cape; flattening it and making sure I am as presentable as I possibly could be in the dark. Running the same hand through my jet black hair, I intake a breath of habit and lightly rap on the wooden door in front of me. After a few moments a slot slides open where a pair of red-colored killer eyes meet my onyx ones before narrowing into a discerning frown.
“Name and business.” The voice grunted loudly. The smell of the breath immediately made me want to take a step backward but I held my ground and hid my disgust well before answering.
“Thomas Nightshade reporting for the Century Calling.” I reply acutely, not wasting any breath or bothering with unneeded pauses as I try not to look up towards the blood red moon hanging precariously above the castle door; as if it would collapse within seconds. The vampiric guard looks me over as much as he could given the restrictions and I hear the clink of metal keys as they are inserted into the lock. A few moments go by before the obviously heavy door swings open and I nod my head, stepping into the distinctive room quickly. The guard stands beside the entrance once more as my attention gets turned to the Higher Authority individuals in my view. In the largest chair is a figure that commands great authority and respect. Not to mention, when put simply, he would make any human female swoon with his hair shadowing his right eye and the dim candle light being caught in the horrible reflection of his clean black satin clothes and highly polished boots; many a human were caught in his trap and feeding was enormously easy for him. For one more time out of countless thousands I was thankful I was a proud vampiric male immune to this sort of charm. His lips held a sinister little smile and I almost lose my personal cool and bolt for the door to never return. This was the charm ability of the Vampiric King Sanguine…even the toughest of vampires would cower at the sound of his mere name and voice but, at the same time, make them feel utterly and completely safe.
“Ah…Thomas Nightshade, it is nice to see you again. How many years has it been since you have been blooded?” King Sanguine asked with a note of pure uncaring distinct in his voice while it still held the typical malice. That was how you knew King Sanguine had his eye on you: he always asked this question in the same uncaring tone that was a tad too forced. Very few could pick it up but I had always been able and had grown better at anticipating his words with practice. Here is where I give a purposeful pause, looking into the blood red eyes of my damned king before turning simple air into thought provoking sound.
“It has been three hundred years, sir.” I answer calmly, onyx eyes passing over garnet ones as I stand there obediently waiting for the clues to cue me in on his next words. The king takes his sweet time answering again which was almost always be expected for a vampire of his age and stature: a few minutes to us feels like a few meager seconds to him. To a normal vampire he would have dismissed them with their orders by now but there were those few with a special case that he liked to keep around when they visit for unknown reasons and I happened to be one of the said. These few select people were chosen specifically for completing an ultimate plan hatched and known only by the king. King Sanguine was told to be the ruler of vampiric destiny as well as the vampiric themselves; a great reason to how he was able to stake fear into the heart of every vampire. His skin was the palest of all the vampiric and his hair the color of the blackest night with the blackest new moon while his eyes were omniscient, powerful, and irrefutably cold. His clothes were ancient—he loved antique things—and he preferred only four colors that were echoed around the room as they matched the morbidness of his sinister personality. But, more than that, he loved to mess around with things and peoples’ lives.
“Ah…three hundred. So many years ago that was. And you haven’t aged a bit…not physically at least.” The king noted with a twinkle in his eye. I kept my expression hard as I preventing myself from scoffing at this seemingly unimportant set of words. How common knowledge it was that no one aged after they have been blooded. The vampire blood messed with the human DNA and prevented anyone from aging and developing in anyway beyond the mental and emotional boundaries. This was the reason the vampiric could not have children: one millennia may go by but the body itself just feels the same day go by one thousand times.
“Neither have you, sir. You have not aged a single day since I first met you two-hundred fifty-something years ago. At least…not physically you haven’t.” I smirk coolly, giving that teenage arrogance a swing in front of the King. His smirk merely grows as he whispers something inaudible to one of the other five members of the High Authority. Soon a soft chuckle can be heard escaping from his lips as he turns his cold eyes towards mine.
“Have you anything to report to me, Thomas?” He asks coolly. I nod for him, having prepared for this familiar question many a time before. Pale fingers go inside my cape as I retrieve a hidden manila folder inside of it. The Vampiric were very organized people due to the society that we must live in and the guidelines set before us by the High Authority. Any word coming from the High authority was law and not to be ignored under any pretenses. Doing so was punishable by death which mainly was starvation. Vampires could take many things with strong pride but feeling weak as what comes with hunger was something that even Vampiric King Sanguine feared. Weakness is not tolerated in the vampire kingdom.
“I have done nothing to expose our kind nor have I lost my control while feeding. Every human whose blood has reached my lips has gotten up unharmed without any memory of what had happened before. The addition to our ranks that has been blooded for a century now seems to be in good shape though, as tradition, I took him out of my care the moment I saw that he was able on his own two feet. In the past century, as is also tradition, I have returned to my Father and kept him up to date and had a meeting with my first born. My Son I haven’t seen if over fifty years. At the moment I am unconcerned as to what his whereabouts may be as I was with my Son before him and am to solely concentrate of my Century Calling from this day forth until my three hundredth year as vampire passes, as if tradition.” I answer; eyes meeting King Sanguine’s and not letting them go. I was admired for my ability to remain eye contact and cool even with the most intimidating of foes, fiends, and friends. The silence that followed was eerie and silent and I could tell in his eyes that he did not expect to go back to the subject.
“Familiar with Virginia in the United States of America?” He asks me simply, seeming to ignore my report completely as was his trait. I almost frown; nothing was simple when it involved King Sanguine. Instead of shrugging like I normally would do in the presence of any other vampire, I pause for another precise moment before speaking once again.
“I passed by it a few times…never liked it very much. I strayed away from the beach areas due to the…temptation if you will.” I reply, knowing partially my fate before the words even left my lips. The laugh that came out of the King’s mouth was as cool as the icy black chair he was sitting in and his eyes narrowed slightly at my words. A few seconds go tenderly by as I wait for what he has to say next. The High Sentry by his side goes to a dark mahogany antique cabinet and removes several aged files and forms. The color signifies to me how old it actually is, the paper looking just from here easy to crinkle with its ugly yellow color. A servant of the High King brought me a quill and an ink bottle as I obediently took it into my hands and waited for my orders to be presented to me.
“Thomas Nightshade, you are a good servant and addition to the vampiric ranks. I have great faith that you will bring another of such good quality among our people. And thus, you are to go back to school, high school, mind you, as a junior in Chesapeake, Virginia and bring a feminine vampire into our midst. You know what happens if you fail these orders as well as the Century Calling. The moment that the three hundredth year of your life goes by and you have not blooded another, you will die with the rising sun. Sign if you understand and please note that not understanding is never an option.” King Sanguine commands, his voice cool and demanding as the lyrics of his words brought out the true wickedness and malice that his voice could hold. It takes all I can to not shiver at his tone or to prevent my hand from shaking. I force down a breath to calm myself and then sign my name in my neat cursive scrawl and then I am done.
Turning, I view the room for the last time before making my departure. My advanced eyes pass over the morbid gray statues, the crimson curtains, the mahogany furniture, and the black walls. How everything is so precise and matches the King of the Vampiric in more than just looks. My train of thoughts ends as I bow and make a calm, slow exit from the room with the orders running through my mind and transfer papers in the other. Five minutes later I am back in my apartment in London five thousand miles from King Sanguine’s domain.
Thomas Nightshade
It was already nightfall by the time I arrive before the ominous building to meet the High Authority, as to be expected. I pause, running my pale, long fingers over the collar of my sanguine cape; flattening it and making sure I am as presentable as I possibly could be in the dark. Running the same hand through my jet black hair, I intake a breath of habit and lightly rap on the wooden door in front of me. After a few moments a slot slides open where a pair of red-colored killer eyes meet my onyx ones before narrowing into a discerning frown.
“Name and business.” The voice grunted loudly. The smell of the breath immediately made me want to take a step backward but I held my ground and hid my disgust well before answering.
“Thomas Nightshade reporting for the Century Calling.” I reply acutely, not wasting any breath or bothering with unneeded pauses as I try not to look up towards the blood red moon hanging precariously above the castle door; as if it would collapse within seconds. The vampiric guard looks me over as much as he could given the restrictions and I hear the clink of metal keys as they are inserted into the lock. A few moments go by before the obviously heavy door swings open and I nod my head, stepping into the distinctive room quickly. The guard stands beside the entrance once more as my attention gets turned to the Higher Authority individuals in my view. In the largest chair is a figure that commands great authority and respect. Not to mention, when put simply, he would make any human female swoon with his hair shadowing his right eye and the dim candle light being caught in the horrible reflection of his clean black satin clothes and highly polished boots; many a human were caught in his trap and feeding was enormously easy for him. For one more time out of countless thousands I was thankful I was a proud vampiric male immune to this sort of charm. His lips held a sinister little smile and I almost lose my personal cool and bolt for the door to never return. This was the charm ability of the Vampiric King Sanguine…even the toughest of vampires would cower at the sound of his mere name and voice but, at the same time, make them feel utterly and completely safe.
“Ah…Thomas Nightshade, it is nice to see you again. How many years has it been since you have been blooded?” King Sanguine asked with a note of pure uncaring distinct in his voice while it still held the typical malice. That was how you knew King Sanguine had his eye on you: he always asked this question in the same uncaring tone that was a tad too forced. Very few could pick it up but I had always been able and had grown better at anticipating his words with practice. Here is where I give a purposeful pause, looking into the blood red eyes of my damned king before turning simple air into thought provoking sound.
“It has been three hundred years, sir.” I answer calmly, onyx eyes passing over garnet ones as I stand there obediently waiting for the clues to cue me in on his next words. The king takes his sweet time answering again which was almost always be expected for a vampire of his age and stature: a few minutes to us feels like a few meager seconds to him. To a normal vampire he would have dismissed them with their orders by now but there were those few with a special case that he liked to keep around when they visit for unknown reasons and I happened to be one of the said. These few select people were chosen specifically for completing an ultimate plan hatched and known only by the king. King Sanguine was told to be the ruler of vampiric destiny as well as the vampiric themselves; a great reason to how he was able to stake fear into the heart of every vampire. His skin was the palest of all the vampiric and his hair the color of the blackest night with the blackest new moon while his eyes were omniscient, powerful, and irrefutably cold. His clothes were ancient—he loved antique things—and he preferred only four colors that were echoed around the room as they matched the morbidness of his sinister personality. But, more than that, he loved to mess around with things and peoples’ lives.
“Ah…three hundred. So many years ago that was. And you haven’t aged a bit…not physically at least.” The king noted with a twinkle in his eye. I kept my expression hard as I preventing myself from scoffing at this seemingly unimportant set of words. How common knowledge it was that no one aged after they have been blooded. The vampire blood messed with the human DNA and prevented anyone from aging and developing in anyway beyond the mental and emotional boundaries. This was the reason the vampiric could not have children: one millennia may go by but the body itself just feels the same day go by one thousand times.
“Neither have you, sir. You have not aged a single day since I first met you two-hundred fifty-something years ago. At least…not physically you haven’t.” I smirk coolly, giving that teenage arrogance a swing in front of the King. His smirk merely grows as he whispers something inaudible to one of the other five members of the High Authority. Soon a soft chuckle can be heard escaping from his lips as he turns his cold eyes towards mine.
“Have you anything to report to me, Thomas?” He asks coolly. I nod for him, having prepared for this familiar question many a time before. Pale fingers go inside my cape as I retrieve a hidden manila folder inside of it. The Vampiric were very organized people due to the society that we must live in and the guidelines set before us by the High Authority. Any word coming from the High authority was law and not to be ignored under any pretenses. Doing so was punishable by death which mainly was starvation. Vampires could take many things with strong pride but feeling weak as what comes with hunger was something that even Vampiric King Sanguine feared. Weakness is not tolerated in the vampire kingdom.
“I have done nothing to expose our kind nor have I lost my control while feeding. Every human whose blood has reached my lips has gotten up unharmed without any memory of what had happened before. The addition to our ranks that has been blooded for a century now seems to be in good shape though, as tradition, I took him out of my care the moment I saw that he was able on his own two feet. In the past century, as is also tradition, I have returned to my Father and kept him up to date and had a meeting with my first born. My Son I haven’t seen if over fifty years. At the moment I am unconcerned as to what his whereabouts may be as I was with my Son before him and am to solely concentrate of my Century Calling from this day forth until my three hundredth year as vampire passes, as if tradition.” I answer; eyes meeting King Sanguine’s and not letting them go. I was admired for my ability to remain eye contact and cool even with the most intimidating of foes, fiends, and friends. The silence that followed was eerie and silent and I could tell in his eyes that he did not expect to go back to the subject.
“Familiar with Virginia in the United States of America?” He asks me simply, seeming to ignore my report completely as was his trait. I almost frown; nothing was simple when it involved King Sanguine. Instead of shrugging like I normally would do in the presence of any other vampire, I pause for another precise moment before speaking once again.
“I passed by it a few times…never liked it very much. I strayed away from the beach areas due to the…temptation if you will.” I reply, knowing partially my fate before the words even left my lips. The laugh that came out of the King’s mouth was as cool as the icy black chair he was sitting in and his eyes narrowed slightly at my words. A few seconds go tenderly by as I wait for what he has to say next. The High Sentry by his side goes to a dark mahogany antique cabinet and removes several aged files and forms. The color signifies to me how old it actually is, the paper looking just from here easy to crinkle with its ugly yellow color. A servant of the High King brought me a quill and an ink bottle as I obediently took it into my hands and waited for my orders to be presented to me.
“Thomas Nightshade, you are a good servant and addition to the vampiric ranks. I have great faith that you will bring another of such good quality among our people. And thus, you are to go back to school, high school, mind you, as a junior in Chesapeake, Virginia and bring a feminine vampire into our midst. You know what happens if you fail these orders as well as the Century Calling. The moment that the three hundredth year of your life goes by and you have not blooded another, you will die with the rising sun. Sign if you understand and please note that not understanding is never an option.” King Sanguine commands, his voice cool and demanding as the lyrics of his words brought out the true wickedness and malice that his voice could hold. It takes all I can to not shiver at his tone or to prevent my hand from shaking. I force down a breath to calm myself and then sign my name in my neat cursive scrawl and then I am done.
Turning, I view the room for the last time before making my departure. My advanced eyes pass over the morbid gray statues, the crimson curtains, the mahogany furniture, and the black walls. How everything is so precise and matches the King of the Vampiric in more than just looks. My train of thoughts ends as I bow and make a calm, slow exit from the room with the orders running through my mind and transfer papers in the other. Five minutes later I am back in my apartment in London five thousand miles from King Sanguine’s domain.