jgm2089
01-30-2011, 09:53 PM
I revamped alittle of this intro and it isnt complete and there are some gramatical errors. give me some advise tell me what is good and tell me what needs to be changed or redone.
The cutthroat of fate: Malediction-first session
To convey the truth – February 9, 2092
Ivan, the inquisitor a man hell bent on making sure he always gets the job done right when it comes to every interview he does. A tall Caucasian man in his early thirties with dark brown hair and light brown eyes, Tall and mildly brawn with a face that reveals the uncontrollable nature of man who appears to be aging before his time. With deep crow’s feet under his eyes revealing the time and energy he puts into every interview he has done since his inception as a journalist. During this day and age getting into journalism can get an individual killed especially if one works for the famous news company, the yearly web. Who wouldn’t feel taut and stressed out working for the most dangerous news web company in the country . Ivan walks down a hallway filled with nothing but pictures of men and women within law enforcement who lost their lives in the line of duty. Ivan enters the office of detective murrows and takes a seat in front of a huge desk filled with a heavy load of paperwork and waits for detective Murrow, to do an interview that took him almost the whole year to get. Detective Murrow’s schedule was very muddled with a fluctuated mass of heinous crimes being committed and paperwork needing to be done. Ivan takes his e-com out of his pants pocket, a device that functions like a hand held minicomputer. Ivan sits with a shipshape poster with his e-com in his quavering right hand. He starts to adjust his suit making sure nothing looks wrinkled or out of place. Ivan passes his left hand over his face and starts to feel an unrestrained sense of nervousness. “What if I ask an offensive question?” Ivan wonders. After all he is speaking with detective murrows. A legend in law enforcement who has been serving the city of new heaven for twenty seven years. He checks the time on his E-com and it is 1525. “Five more minutes until the interview do not screw this up, get what you can, learn what you can.” Ivan whispers. He activates the voice recording feature on the e-com and starts taking deep breathes.
Seven years of working in the field of journalism and ivan still has not adjusted to the hard nerve wrecking work that comes with being a journalist. Ivan begins to hear the noise of someone coughing heavily. The noise begins to escalate. Ivan turns around and looks down the hall only to find a man who appears to be in his late forties standing about 6ft tall with tanned caramel colored skin, a rugged beard and a short curly afro with golden framed glasses. “Okay let’s hurry and get this interview done quickly so that I can leave early today Mr….sapinski correct?” Detective Murrows says as he storms through his office and takes a seat. Detective murrows reaches over his desk to shake ivans hand. “What do you need, how can I help you and what type of info do you need to make your damn magazine sell?” Detective Murrows says with a disheveled tone. “I’m just here to do an interview about the city’s state of affairs, now let us begin.” Ivan says nervously. Detective murrows notices the e-com recording and begins to sits back slowly and stare at Ivan with a look of restlessness. “What is it that made you join law enforcement detective murrows? Why is it that even though it looks as if there is no hope for the city of new heaven you continue to fight to uphold the law?” pretty stupid question if you ask me.” Detective murrows replies. Gangs running wild, women being beaten raped and killed, children being molested and murdered, organized crime leaders having a good number of politicians killed. Someone has to do the job don’t you think? “Why did you become a journalist?” It is something that you developed a passion for, recording and interviewing people, am I right?” So you have a passion for this type of work, Is that what you’re implying detective? Ivan responds collectively. Look, you’re wasting my time with these banal questions what do you want know so that I can get out of here on time.” Murrows says in a vehement tone. “look I just want to know the truth behind the problematic situations of the city. I know a lot of newsweb companies are covering up a majority of the truth, I know they are feeding us a load of bull crap everyday we turn our A.D. screens and it bothers me that a majority of the citizens believe in that nonsense they call news. You know how the maliciousness transpires in this city, you’ve seen it all and fought through the madness and that’s why I am here to get my facts from the true source! I come to you because no one else will give me the story I need.” Murrows stares at Ivan with a look of inclination and begins to laugh lightly. Ivan grabs the handle of the chair tightly with a fierce intensity in his eyes. He puts his E-com flat on desk as it continues to record and waits for murrows next response. “is that what you really care about Mr. Sapinski? A story that will sell am I right? You are no different than those liars you speak about. People will pick up your magazines and read what we spoke about today right? You will embellish here and there and remove the tedious parts that drag your little story. “come on murrows don’t give me that, im putting my life on the line working as a journalist the same way you’re putting yours on the line as a detective. You’ve heard of Michelle Canon?” Yes I did, the journalist that got shot in the head in a subway station around bronck street 7 months ago correct? Murrows says with a compunctionless tone. Yes, she worked for the Yearly web. She was getting to deep into the topic of organized crime and when she got mixed up with the wrong sources one thing led to another and now she isn’t here. By getting the truth from someone one who has lived through the mayhem I can write something that will stop the citizens from being blinded by the ridiculous tabloids. Ivan stares at detective murrows hoping to get a positive and cooperative response. “that was very poetic Mr. sapinski but remember it’s your word against the masses at those news companies.
The cutthroat of fate: Malediction-first session
To convey the truth – February 9, 2092
Ivan, the inquisitor a man hell bent on making sure he always gets the job done right when it comes to every interview he does. A tall Caucasian man in his early thirties with dark brown hair and light brown eyes, Tall and mildly brawn with a face that reveals the uncontrollable nature of man who appears to be aging before his time. With deep crow’s feet under his eyes revealing the time and energy he puts into every interview he has done since his inception as a journalist. During this day and age getting into journalism can get an individual killed especially if one works for the famous news company, the yearly web. Who wouldn’t feel taut and stressed out working for the most dangerous news web company in the country . Ivan walks down a hallway filled with nothing but pictures of men and women within law enforcement who lost their lives in the line of duty. Ivan enters the office of detective murrows and takes a seat in front of a huge desk filled with a heavy load of paperwork and waits for detective Murrow, to do an interview that took him almost the whole year to get. Detective Murrow’s schedule was very muddled with a fluctuated mass of heinous crimes being committed and paperwork needing to be done. Ivan takes his e-com out of his pants pocket, a device that functions like a hand held minicomputer. Ivan sits with a shipshape poster with his e-com in his quavering right hand. He starts to adjust his suit making sure nothing looks wrinkled or out of place. Ivan passes his left hand over his face and starts to feel an unrestrained sense of nervousness. “What if I ask an offensive question?” Ivan wonders. After all he is speaking with detective murrows. A legend in law enforcement who has been serving the city of new heaven for twenty seven years. He checks the time on his E-com and it is 1525. “Five more minutes until the interview do not screw this up, get what you can, learn what you can.” Ivan whispers. He activates the voice recording feature on the e-com and starts taking deep breathes.
Seven years of working in the field of journalism and ivan still has not adjusted to the hard nerve wrecking work that comes with being a journalist. Ivan begins to hear the noise of someone coughing heavily. The noise begins to escalate. Ivan turns around and looks down the hall only to find a man who appears to be in his late forties standing about 6ft tall with tanned caramel colored skin, a rugged beard and a short curly afro with golden framed glasses. “Okay let’s hurry and get this interview done quickly so that I can leave early today Mr….sapinski correct?” Detective Murrows says as he storms through his office and takes a seat. Detective murrows reaches over his desk to shake ivans hand. “What do you need, how can I help you and what type of info do you need to make your damn magazine sell?” Detective Murrows says with a disheveled tone. “I’m just here to do an interview about the city’s state of affairs, now let us begin.” Ivan says nervously. Detective murrows notices the e-com recording and begins to sits back slowly and stare at Ivan with a look of restlessness. “What is it that made you join law enforcement detective murrows? Why is it that even though it looks as if there is no hope for the city of new heaven you continue to fight to uphold the law?” pretty stupid question if you ask me.” Detective murrows replies. Gangs running wild, women being beaten raped and killed, children being molested and murdered, organized crime leaders having a good number of politicians killed. Someone has to do the job don’t you think? “Why did you become a journalist?” It is something that you developed a passion for, recording and interviewing people, am I right?” So you have a passion for this type of work, Is that what you’re implying detective? Ivan responds collectively. Look, you’re wasting my time with these banal questions what do you want know so that I can get out of here on time.” Murrows says in a vehement tone. “look I just want to know the truth behind the problematic situations of the city. I know a lot of newsweb companies are covering up a majority of the truth, I know they are feeding us a load of bull crap everyday we turn our A.D. screens and it bothers me that a majority of the citizens believe in that nonsense they call news. You know how the maliciousness transpires in this city, you’ve seen it all and fought through the madness and that’s why I am here to get my facts from the true source! I come to you because no one else will give me the story I need.” Murrows stares at Ivan with a look of inclination and begins to laugh lightly. Ivan grabs the handle of the chair tightly with a fierce intensity in his eyes. He puts his E-com flat on desk as it continues to record and waits for murrows next response. “is that what you really care about Mr. Sapinski? A story that will sell am I right? You are no different than those liars you speak about. People will pick up your magazines and read what we spoke about today right? You will embellish here and there and remove the tedious parts that drag your little story. “come on murrows don’t give me that, im putting my life on the line working as a journalist the same way you’re putting yours on the line as a detective. You’ve heard of Michelle Canon?” Yes I did, the journalist that got shot in the head in a subway station around bronck street 7 months ago correct? Murrows says with a compunctionless tone. Yes, she worked for the Yearly web. She was getting to deep into the topic of organized crime and when she got mixed up with the wrong sources one thing led to another and now she isn’t here. By getting the truth from someone one who has lived through the mayhem I can write something that will stop the citizens from being blinded by the ridiculous tabloids. Ivan stares at detective murrows hoping to get a positive and cooperative response. “that was very poetic Mr. sapinski but remember it’s your word against the masses at those news companies.