Biased Critiques?

[Kontrast]

Is it okay to let your significant other critique your work? My fiance and I first met at a writer's conference two years ago and before we started dating we would meet up and review each others books. We haven't done this for awhile, but we have both been thinking about starting up again. I don't know if either of us can review without being biased and I was curious if anyone has had a similar experience. thanks!

[wolfi]

Honestly do some "tests"
i know many copoules that make the best Critiques for one another


Have them ask "dose this make me look fat" or something eles
and answer truthfully
if you both can do that then it should be ok

[Cogito]

I'd avoid it. Do you really want to risk the heat of critique getting tangled with your relationship?

[wolfi]

Well I think if you cant take critique form them then you may have some problems

And if your mature and what not it should be no problem
of course if its nothing but fighting then stop
But they did it before and their friendship seemed to work

While deferent then friendship it should not really make it THAT bad

[heyitsmary]

Since your fiance is a writer as well I don't see a problem. I find it easier to get a good critique out of my friends who are writers than those who aren't. I've also had my parents critique my work before but it got frustrating because they never knew how to tell me exactly what needed to be fixed. But I've never had a problem with bias or having a relationship suffer because of critique.

[Kontrast]

We just did it...results:

I wasn't too hard on him and he wanted MORE critiques
He told me I needed to eventually rewrite my entire chapter because it didn't have enough dialogue.

Neither of us got heated or upset, and though I told him point blank that I wasn't going to make my entire first chapter dialogue AND assigned him a book to read (Dusk by Tim Lebbon) to prove my point, I also agreed that a few narrated paragraphs COULD be made more interesting with some back and forth dialogue. We made plenty of jokes about both of our novels and finished with a more understanding perspective. I think after living together for almost two years (yah we moved a little fast :D), we can be blunt with each other without bruising any egos. Though I don't think I would recommend it for everyone, I've been in several relationships where the guy would ask to read my chapters and then we would fight over it.

[Reggie]

I would not let anyone look at my work. I refuse to do so in any way. They can beg all they want, and even give me a dollar for every page I allow them to read--That is not happening. I would not even tell them that you are even writing a novel. They will probably crucify you to death until you do not want to write anymore. Posting reviews on the forums can be slim too. So why post your work for review if they will tell you how boring it may be, especially if it leads you to quit writing? If asking for your family member for critique, and it seems satisfying, then go for it.

[popsicledeath]

I think it's a great way to learn how to be constructive. You have a personal stake in not just degenerating to being a jerk, and also will be aware of possible positive biases. So, yeah, it's a great way to learn how to be constructive in a way that is honest, helpful, and free from both positive and negative bias.

[Ashrynn]

"You shouldn't eat where you sleep."

Hrmm....

[popsicledeath]

"You shouldn't eat where you sleep."

Hrmm....

I think it's the end product from the process of eating and digesting that one shouldn't do where they sleep. No problems eating where you sleep, just don't leave crumbs in the bed!

[Forest Girl]

If you can take honesty and the other person can be honest, then it shouldn't be a problem.

My sister in law, my sister, and my mother critique my work.

My sister, especially, is very good. She wants my work to be 'perfect' in her eyes and has not problem writing "NO!!!" in big red letters if she doesn't like something.

They love my writing, but know my abilities. So, between the three of them and their honesty, I have seen my writing improve.

[Ashrynn]

I think it's the end product from the process of eating and digesting that one shouldn't do where they sleep. No problems eating where you sleep, just don't leave crumbs in the bed!

Ah, I was unsure of the saying.

Well, either way, that'd be a nightmare.

See here is your real problem. After telling her you think it's a good idea, now you have to say that it's a bad idea because you two might fight over the critique or you'll just say "it's good" not to upset her and she'll automatically assume you are saying her work is bad.

[VM80]

Not a problem, if there's honesty and you can 'take it'.

I used to write poetry/lyrics in Italian a lot, and my boyfriend critiqued them as it was his mother tongue. Made my writing much better. :)

He also shared many of his lyrics with me.

There was never anything negative about the process. Quite the opposite.

[thewordsmith]

I do use family members for critique purposes, though not as a primary source. I ask them if they know someone - friend, neighbor, lover, co-worker - who reads a particular type of novel and who they would trust to be honest, intelligent, and forthright. Then I ask if they would trust that person to offer a viable critique on my work and would they (family member) mind asking that aforementioned friend, neighbor, etc. if they would object to reading and critiquing a manuscript. I've gotten some wonderful results from people who make notes in margins and such, as well as abysmal and uninformative results from some who make no comments other than to tell fm "it's good".

My best beta reader is my son who seems to be a very analytical critic and will, bless his soul, read whatever I put in front of him, regardless of genre. He makes margin notes and line notes and has been known to tell me outright, "This character is just not believable," or "Doesn't work for me," or "How married to this are you anyway?" I've had mss returned to me with whole passages marked through. He's never actually told me outright, "This passage really sux." He always finds more diplomatic ways of expressing that sentiment.

As far as a spouse or lover as a reader though ...? Unless you really, REALLY have a strong relationship and you know you both can trust and deal with an honest response, that's pretty touchy territory. As Cogito alluded to previously, that's a pretty dicey ingredient to throw into the mix in a relationship if both parties are not psychologically strong and mentally well adjusted. If you know your significant other to be level-headed, honest, and having a great deal of integrity and, if you are confident that you can trust his or her comments to be on a purely technical and literary level without regard for your personal relationship and, if you are truly strong enough to accept negative comment from someone so close to you emotionally, then it can probably work. Otherwise, I'd suggest keeping your love life and your writing life completely and irrevocably separate.

[VM80]

^^

Good points. Perhaps it doesn't work for everyone, and it's best to tread carefully.

For me, it gave me a lot of confidence at a time when I wasn't sharing my writing with anyone at all. So I'm thankful that he encouraged me to step outside the box.

It also brought us even closer. Reading or listening to something creative he'd worked on was like opening another door or dimension.

That doesn't mean we always agreed or there weren't discussions... We both have Italian blood after all. ;)

But that made it real and interesting.

[James Scarborough]

By their very nature, all critiques are biased. I think writers need pretty thick skin in order to accept criticism without allowing it to unduly influence their work.

I don't show my work to anyone until it's complete. At that point, I invite comment and reaction from trusted readers. Some are family, some are friends and some are other writers. I don't take anyone's comments too seriously, whether positive or negative. It's my work and the only person I have to satisfy is myself. However, I find it helpful to receive comments, criticism and reactions from trusted readers before producing my final draft.

[Thanshin]

I might agree with some of the arguments for accepting critiques from people who know you as good. What I don't find is the reason to do so.

Are your couples, parents or siblings much better critiques than people you can find here (for example)? In that case, I'd say "go for it". Otherwise, why would you take away from them the pleasure of reading your work for the first time once it's finished?

[The Degenerate]

There's nothing wrong with it, depending on the person. For instance, I won't show anything to my mother for an honest critique, because she'll just praise it up and down while ignoring the faults. It's nice for my self-esteem, but it won't help me grow as a writer.

However, you can train anyone in your life to offer an honest critique. Just ask them certain questions about the manuscript that you want them to respond to. For instance, "What do you think about Character A's motivations in this scene?" "Do you think the dialogue is too wrought with exposition here?"

[Batgoat]

If you can both be objective enough to accept its the work being critiqued and not the relationship and/or one another, then it works. My partner has read a few of my stories and provides feedback on what she feels needs to be improved and I take it on board and revisit the areas she has made suggestions about.

What I do, though, is I tell her from which perspective I would like her to read it. Example, I'll ask her to, "read it to edit it," and she will literally attack the damn thing with a red pen. Or I will say, "read it for the story... for entertainment's sake," and she will just read it for the sake of it being a story. With a purpose like that in mind, you will get two very different perspectives of the same piece of writing.

[Mallory]

I've critiqued with my best friends, and it's never been a problem. But then again, I met most of my close friends through NaNoWriMo events in my city...lol.

[Reggie]

I used to critique my brother, and he had no problem having me giving him critiques. We had fun exchanging writings though.

[Lemex]

I don't mind critiquing my friend's work. I feel like I can set apart my liking of the person from my professionalism and give them an honest critique. I'm not sure I'm 100% successful, but I've been told my friends who write like my critiques because they are harsh but honest.

[suddenly BANSHEES]

Dunno how different it is with a spouse/partner/what have you, but I have no problems with getting harsh critique from friends. Hell, my best friend and I tear each others' stories apart in critiques, and we love each other for it. We don't sugercoat anything, because we want to help each other get better. At the same time, we don't flat-out insult each other, and are very polite about it. You can give a harsh critique without being rude.

[Batgoat]

So long as the person doing the critique remembers it is the story they are critiquing and not the person who wrote it.

[teacherayala]

I have a hard time with taking things personally. I cry over bad critiques even if I know I deserve them. Heck, ESPECIALLY when I deserve them! And then I go through the whole process of trying to scrape myself up from the floor and keep at it. If the person critiquing me were too close to me, I would be humiliated for them to see me go through this routine. And I would be so embarrassed over myself to meet their eyes again after having given them something (which is usually exaggerated in my mind) so horrible as to warranted their poor critique.

But then again, it also matters on the style of the critique. If every other line has something negative, I shut down.

[Seye]

I'd rather a stranger read my pieces because they would give a book-buyer-pov. For critiques I never liked the idea of only one person voicing an opinion when a collection of a few gives a better balance.

Critiques can be hard to take, harder still if the piece is close to you.

[pattycat]

My husband and I have issues with this question as well. He is currently working on a YA novel and asks me to read everything he writes. This has definitely been a bit of an issue of us and has occasionally ended in heated arguments. But, he continues to ask for my critiques (glutton for punishment?). He knows that I will be honest and straight forward. I almost always have a lot of negative things to say, but I am working on expressing positive opinions in my critiques as well.

What has helped us the most in this process is that he has learned to ask me specific questions about what he wants to hear. Is this character well-rounded? Does this plot turn make sense? And if he's looking for a bit of a morale boost, he will tell me (before I read the piece) that he is looking for what is working, rather than a long, tortuous list of what isn't.

[GreenRain]

Is it okay to let your significant other critique your work? … !

Is this a person you can trust? Would you know without a second guess that this person's critique is just that, an assessment of the writing and questions about what you meant when you wrote that just the way you did?

Or do you walk on eggshells, fire, or even broken seashells when they say, 'Honey, that story was very good.'

If handled well, your relationship will grow and your writing will improve. if not, you will be getting a new friend.

[nodom]

Is it okay to let your significant other critique your work? My fiance and I first met at a writer's conference two years ago and before we started dating we would meet up and review each others books. We haven't done this for awhile, but we have both been thinking about starting up again. I don't know if either of us can review without being biased and I was curious if anyone has had a similar experience. thanks!

Excellent question. It depends on a number of things. How strong the relationship is, how well you each take to being criticized, how well you give criticism etc. You won't be able to avoid being bias. But what it all boils down to, and where the potential is routed, Is which direction the bias will lean; you could either be biased toward making the other feel good about themselves and their work, or toward helping the other beecome the best writer they can be. but its all love:)
-nate

[Jessica_312]

I think it depends on the personality of the significant other. Is he or she capable of giving an honest critique, or too afraid of hurting feelings? For that matter, are you good at accepting criticism from your significant other? Because that can be a factor, too. It can work, Stephen King always gives what he writes to his wife first, because she gives honest critiques.

[VM80]

I have a hard time with taking things personally. I cry over bad critiques even if I know I deserve them. Heck, ESPECIALLY when I deserve them! And then I go through the whole process of trying to scrape myself up from the floor and keep at it. If the person critiquing me were too close to me, I would be humiliated for them to see me go through this routine. And I would be so embarrassed over myself to meet their eyes again after having given them something (which is usually exaggerated in my mind) so horrible as to warranted their poor critique.

But then again, it also matters on the style of the critique. If every other line has something negative, I shut down.

Is it really worth taking a critique so much to heart...?

[mammamaia]

i always advise new writers to never show their work to friends, family, or anyone they're sleeping with... doing so too often leads to problems in relationships and/or to following bad advice from those not knowledgeable enough writing/publishing-wise...

[Peutra]

i always advise new writers to never show their work to friends, family, or anyone they're sleeping with... doing so too often leads to problems in relationships and/or to following bad advice from those not knowledgeable enough writing/publishing-wise...

Agree, but not entirely because they might not know a lot. Because they tend to lean towards always [and I mean always] giving you good critiques, no matter if your work really is good, or stinks.

I once showed my work to my old colleague a few years ago, who's a writer now, and he said it was excellent. A few months later, I showed him another piece, and he again said it was excellent. It turned out to have 147 grammar errors (according to MS word), and 23 spelling errors (again, MS word).

[abstract.serenity]

It really depends on the person and perhaps your relationship to them. It's just as possible for a stranger to give an untruthful critique for fear of being unpolite as close friends, family and/or colleagues are to give you objective ones because they want your work to shine. If your critiquer is a writer and someone close to you, bias in my opinion may not factor into their response at all. Again, it depends on the individual.

[mammamaia]

Agree, but not entirely because they might not know a lot. Because they tend to lean towards always [and I mean always] giving you good critiques, no matter if your work really is good, or stinks.

your 'not entirely...etc.' is why i wrote 'and/or'...

and i have to disagree with 'always...good critiques'... the potential danger to relationships comes from the fact that if the friend/relative/lover/spouse is honest and points out flaws, the writer's ego can suffer to the point where the relationship can suffer a change for the worse... believe me, this does happen!

[TWErvin2]

A writer has to learn to deal with critiques.

If they can't manage that, how will they deal with editors, either rejections or when editors recommend changes to a mansucript?

How will the writer deal with less than favorable reviews of their published works?

Beyond the personal struggles and 'ego shattering' that could occur (but in my opinion shouldn't even be an issue--a writer has to have a thick skin), poor/unprofessional responses to editors and/or reviews can torpedo a writer's budding career.