Loves a funny thing, isn'tit.

Though it was wierd. When I first spoke to Phill, a thought popped into my head: 'I'm gonna marry that man'. We've been together a year now. And ok- no marriage plans just yet other than the teasing, but it's a nice thing.

Love makes you do the wacky.

Indeed it does DoZ

I have spent 14 years with Elizabeth and had four children with her. She has stood by me through many things and has supported me while I was away with the army.

We argue like cat and mouse but thats what makes us strong. Without her I'm not sure where i'd be really.

I have heard that from many people raven.
Don and I never argue. no word of a lie. I grew up with a screamer father and the louder he got the more stupid he sounded so I was determined never to be like that so I just don't argue. It drives Don crazy but after 10 years he finally decided to not try and make me. We have been together 32 years this april. I don't really know how we come to decisions on things they just seem to happen.
Each relationship is different and that is really a good thing.
I am glad you found someone you are comfortable and happy with. It means a lot in life

My parents argue all the time, but I know that's really just their way of solving problems. And inthe end, the problem is always solved. I guess that's how they were raised.

My BF is very nice and puts up with my mood swings! He's lovely. Don't know how he puts up with me!

It's nice reading about y'all and your partners, it is so sweet seeing how much you love one another. Soppy moment coming on. :)

Here is a good one for you then Heather
My grandparents married at 19 I don't know how old my grandfather was but they were married for 74 years.
My grandfather was confined to a hospital bed at home for about a year. He said he didn't want to die in a hospital so he came home to the farm looked after by my uncle and aunt and my grandmother.
She had them move her bed right next to the hospital bed so she could hold his hand while they slept. They had to put her bed on a platform since the other was higher than a normal bed.
She said she held his hand everynight of their married life and she wasn't going to change that.
He died in his sleep in the same room he had been born in. The house started as a one room log cabin and it became the master bedroom as the house grew over the years.
That is what I want my life with Don to be. nothing soppy about that.

Ow that is amazing Lessa, brought tears to my eyes. I am one of the most romantic loving persons you'll ever find. I even think Hanibal is really romantic.

My Great Grandparents have been togther for about 50 odd years now and it is so nice. When she was in hospital my granddad didn't know what to do when visiting hours were over. She's back home now though and they still going strong, although it's cute when they argue over daft things like the Tv or something :p

I even think Hanibal is really romantic.

It is, in a disturbing kind of way. The book is more so though, it has a different ending.

Aye I know Banzia, I cried having read that. It just soo . . . . . wow.

You know how we were talking about suicide on that thread.
Well a kid that was a couple years younger than Dom, committed suicide just a week or so ago.
His girlfriend lost the baby and threw him out so he went out drinking and jumped out of a Ottawa City motel.
He lived beside us in the apt. building we were in at the time. His father works with Don. He told me when it happened but the name didn't register. Last night Raymond (my other son) called and told me also. The name was familiar but it didn't register until late last night.
I remember him as a 12 year old shy gawky kid but really he had a nice personality.
Such a shame and I feel so badly for his parents they raised him right and loved him dearly he was their only chld.
Sort of in shock here.
I hate suicide but it hurts when it is someone you know.
Suicide is never right.

I could never comit suicide. How could I do that to the few people who love me?

Before they diagnosed me Fibromyalgia I was always told it was depression that was my problem. I always told them I was depressed because I hurt and that was all.
One dr. asked me if I would ever commit suicide. I said no way. he said why not you hurt all the time and don't think you have much of a life outside your family. So being me I told him I wouldn't because my house wasn't clean enough and my children would have to live with family talking about what a slob I was.
He never asked me that question again.
I couldn't do it. No way no how. I love my family too much for that.

i seriously need someone to talk to about particular issues that have been plauging my brian lately, any takers? ><

PM me if you like, Eoz. Or you could wait til I'm on MSN.

you can pm me if I would be of any help Eoz Eanj'
it is always nice to talk something over just to get the ducks lined up as they say.

Eoz, see my response in the Chatbox thread. I'm sorry you are having a difficult time right now.

I have a problem. You see, at this specific moment in time, I feel like dying. Why? Because I hate feeling. I hate the sorrow of this world and the sorrow of my own mind. Inexplicable and stupid. The urge is strong. But I am fighting it and God only knows why. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't think I am ever going to be good enough for my boyfriend. I'm not going to be worth anything. I mean, I'm not even writing at all. I'm feeling quite helpless at the moment. It's so stupid. I know it is. My chest is so tight with anger and rage and hurt. And there is no reason for it. None at all. I guess I want to break up with my boyfriend. I don't know why. Have have no idea at all. I love him. I know I do. Maybe it's because I feel like I no longer have the feeling of love. I say it but sometimes I can't feel it. Is loving someone like that? God. I'm sorry for posting up such a morose and terrible post. But this is how I feel at the moment and currently, I am saying this to a computer and a forum and it's easier, I guess to actually put something here than say it to anyone else. Not my boyfriend. Why? Perhaps because I don't want to hurt his feelings. But Do I stay with him because of love or rather, is it because I don't think anyone else is going to love me at all??

Again, I apologise for the post. It helped to write it. To perhaps share it and see if anyone feels like this at all. Anyways. Thankyou.

~Doz.

I have just edited this slightly, as it's a little... graphic is the only word I can describe it at the moment. Suicidal I spose. I am tempted to edit this whole post but I want something to remind me that these thoughts are not right, not safe. I thank God that My Boyfriend understands me, and supports me.

If there aren't specific stresses in your life that you can tie these feelings too, like a recent loss, it doesn't sound like situational depression. That points toward clinical depression, which may possibly have a biochemical basis.

Regardless of which type of depression it is, and it clearly is a depressive state, the best recommendation is to consult a physician, immediately. He or she can help determine the cause, and provide treatment options that can help you through it.

This sounds like a very dangerous condition at this time. I would not delay in seeking medical assistance.

If you can't see a physician quickly, start taking Omega-3. It helps most people stabilize their emotions. Not an instant or perfect solution but it can help a little.
But go see a physician. Its the best thing you could do.

Thankyou. Everynow and then I get really down. I don't know why. I tried seeing a doctor about it a while ago. He simply looked at his watch and said that I should of made a double appointment. I havn't seen a doctor about my mood-swings since. But thankyou. I felt better probably twenty minutes after posting my post. I feel a bit drained, a bit sad but I'm ok.

But thankyou Cogito. You have no idea how much that helps. I will see the doctor soon enough though. Thanks again. :)

If you can't see a physician quickly, start taking Omega-3. It helps most people stabilize their emotions. Not an instant or perfect solution but it can help a little.
But go see a physician. Its the best thing you could do.

Thanks Dom. It is a good suggestion. I hope it will help. :)

Try St.John's wort.
over the counter and very effective.
non addictive.

Careful with the St. John's wort, though, it is possible to overdose on it.

Just like any other drug, I suppose, but people tend to think "hey, it's herbal! I can have as much as I want!"...so some people a while back ignored the dosages and died; earning the plant (and herbal medicine by extension) a bad reputation it really didn't deserve.

I have sort of a dilema going on in my head and maybe some new opinions will help me sort it out. So here is the story.
My father and I never got along. Oh I was the good daughter who did everything to please him but was never good enough to do that.
I was clumsy, I wasn't great at school, I wasn't popular, I didn't try and be popular, he told me when I was 15 to never get fat like mother because the only thing I had going for me was my looks, I didn't marry the right guy, I was a horrible mother to my sons because I didn't force them into sports or cubs. My husband is a bum who will never amount to anything.
My father died a year ago Feb.2. We went to the funeral and I did all the right things, except I didn't cry. My sisters cried and my brother spoke at the service, he is a minister and he was saying what a wonderful man our father was, how he did such a good job to raise the 4 of us and it was as if he was talking about somebody I had never met.
My father was mentally abusive to my brother and I. He screwed up our lives so badly it has taken 31 years of marriage for me to actually have any self confidence. One phone call from him and I was devastated for at least a week. When he started in on the boys I drew the line and we had very little to do with any of the family.
Now that the anniversary of his death is so close my sisters are telling me that I must call mom on the 2nd and talk to her so she will not be lonely. She is in Florida and with a lot of retired friends at the snow bird park where mom and dad bought a trailer about 19 years ago. She does not need a call on that day from me, and I would feel like a hipocrite listening to her talk about dad. He picked on her all the time and my brother and I tried to protect her from in by being perfect.
I called today just to shut my sisters up but I won't call on the 2nd.
Do you think I should call and bite my tongue to keep from saying something I really shouldn't or do I just let this call cover it for me?
My mother was not the greatest person either and she still will not admit that dad was not god, and when I used to complain to her about him (after I left home) she would say that he really didn't mean it or he wasn't feeling good. never that he did what he did because he was an SOB and a drunk.
I am not sure what I am asking here but I have been told I am a bad daughter and person because I never loved my dad. I am unkind because I said things to my mom and hurt her because she loved dad.
I don't think I am bad or uncaring I just found it impossible to love the man who was supposed to protect me and treated me like dirt instead.
That is the dark place I have been in trying to get out for the past week.
I guess the saying you can pick your friends but not your family is really true.
I am still trying after living with him for 17 years to find a few good memories but I can't seem to.
I am not sorry he died, in fact I took it as a chance to start over.
Does this make me a bad person and a horrible daughter?

In a word lessa, no. Forgiveness is a nice thing, but it's not always possible to forgive, and its not always a good idea. And idolising someone just because they're dead isn't a good thing either. Your mother loved your father despite his faults, fair enough, but that doesn't mean she should pretend those faults away. Particularly not when it destroys your relationship with her.

What Banzai said! You are not a horrible person. From what I have seen, the advice you have given, the laughs you have given point to a wonderful mother and a kind person in general.

Perhaps a quick call to your mother. But generally, it will be up to you, in the end and how you are feeling tomorrow. Unfortunatly, there are some things that cannot be forgiven or forgotten. The past makes you who you are today. You could also possibly call your mother on the third instead.

Just don't forget that you are a nice person- quite a few people here would support that. :)

Lessa it does not make you a bad person what so ever. You were a victim and you managed to escape violence so that makes you are very strong and courageous person.
Violence of any kind is hard to break free from and to cope with. It alwys sticks in the back of your mind throughout the rest of your life.

I am very sorry that you had to go through such an ordeal in your life, but it does show in your personality now. You have become such a wonderful lady in the experience that I have had in conversing with you.

I know that having a father that isn't there for you is hard. And them down you and never be proud makes things very difficult. But to be honest Lessa I don't think Domoviye agrees that you are a bad mother at all. Plus the way he has turned out makes me believe that you are a most wonderful mother that is for sure.

Sometimes we have to do things for ourselves and be selfish but in this case I would not contact her on that day if she wasn't going to believe or accept the faults that he had back then.

You are a wonderful person lessa, very kind and thoughtful. The fact that you phoned her already should show enough respect and kindness.

I hope that this helps in some small way anyways.

Don't ever put yourself down my friend. If people don't like you the way you are or have problems with things you do and don't do in life it is their problem and not yours.

I would most probably be the same in your situation though.

Thank you so much.
I never feel good after talking to my family. And I always feel good when I come here.
So guess who I appreciate the most.
It is just strange this year since my baby sister she is 45 lost her husband the same day my dad died just 4 hours later at the same hospital. I never knew him as we only met 4 times. But my mom and my baby sister became widows the same day. Both health related.
So it is a strange day for me.
But thanks to being here I feel much better.

that sounds like it would be a very strange day and hard for your family as well.

I am glad that you are able to feel better by coming online here lessa.
You are a lovely lady and deserve too be happy and smiling :)

Lessa, your feelings are what they are. You are a good person, and the fact that you feel doubtful and confused by what you feel only underscores that.

As for forgiveness, that is not for anyone but yourself. Forgiveness does not mean letting people know that everything that happened was ok, when you know it was not. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. It means you have worked through how the past has impacted on you, and you're setting it aside rather than railing against something you cannot rewrite. It's letting go and moving ahead. It does not mean all is forgotten! It means you have taken the lessons from it you need for the future, and will no longer let what happened before dominate your daily life from this moment forward.

Peace and strength, lessa.

Does this make me a bad person and a horrible daughter? This question is the exact same thing my mam asked me the other day, is she a bad daughter. The obvious answer is no, Lessa, of course you aren't. My mother went rhgouh a smilar thing, she was abused by her father and neglected by her mother. she moved out at 17 and never spoke to them for years until my granddad was diagnosed with ternimal cancer. then she went round to see him and ignored all of the crap. When he died she has still kept in contact with her mother but all she gets from the family is crap and it hurts her. I don't understand why she bothers.

If you feel like you should phone you mther Lessa, then do so. But do not feel pressured into phoning her as the rest of the family think you should. you have the option to be the bigger person here, and ignore everything your mother might have done wrong and help her in her time of need. Or you can just leave it, your life was easier when it wasn't invloving either of them by the sound of things and it will save you from getting hurt.

Only you can make this desicion, but remeber, whatever you choose, it does not make you a bad daughter or person.

Heather xoxoxox

thank you so very much. I really needed to hear this.
I was just talking to Don and said that this has been the most peaceful year that I remember. No problem with answering the phone to hear my dad come on and rant at me when he didn't even remember my name for the two years before he died he went down hill the results of curing his skin cancer. He lost his memory so he stayed home a lot and would call whenever he was lonely. Hard to hang up on him when I knew how sick he was.
But none of that for the year so I guess I have finally put him out of my hair.
Thank you all for being so sweet to me.

Well finally Im getting settled in my new home. Though sometimes I do miss the life I had. But as they say life moves on and the past is the past.

My life seems to have no direction lately. I'm not quite sure what it is that I'm doing anymore. College, most friendships, my job as a reporter, writing, all of it just seems to be floating along next to me in some kind of ocean, but there's no way to swim back to shore. Dry land seems so far away. I just don't know.

Thats just what I'm going through now. I miss the career I had I miss other things and its sometimes difficult adjusting to a new life style.

Thats just what I'm going through now. I miss the career I had I miss other things and its sometimes difficult adjusting to a new life style.

What did you do before?

British Army, Paratroop

British Army, Paratroop

How long were you in?

a long time.

Changes in life and lifestyle takes some time to feel real.
I have had so many changes in my life and the thing that kept me focused were my children and my husband.
Had to stay sane for the children and had to keep my husband content with all the new conditions at work.
I still feel like the anchor for all of them.

I know that feeling. I have the foru children and my lovely Wife Lily. Lily and the kids are the main reason for all the change, without them life would be dull indeed.
She's certaily been a rock for me.

Raven I love to hear that. So many people miss out on that type of marriage.
Don is my rock and I am his soft spot.
nobody sees that he needs that soft spot to stay focused.
Your wife is a lucky lady.

No I'm the lucky one. She has stuck with me through my career when many wifes left because the life was so demanding.

My kids are also a big part of my life especially my daughter Serenity.

Raven I love to hear that. So many people miss out on that type of marriage.
Don is my rock and I am his soft spot.
nobody sees that he needs that soft spot to stay focused.


Hmm, a few pages earlier didn't you say "My husband is a bum who will never amount to anything. "?

Ebow I would never say that about Don.
My father would and did and that is who I was talking about.
Don is a wonderful husband and father who I wouldn't want to live without.

Well today I've spent the best part writing new songs with my acoustic guitar a few of us have decided to start recording this material.

I've posted my latest two numbers in the lyrics (She's Lonely (http://www.writingforums.org/showthread.php?t=8368) and Always For You (http://www.writingforums.org/showthread.php?t=8437))

We're hoping to do about ten tracks and have even decided to call ourselves Raven. Since I sing and play the acoustic and write. My good friend pianist will be doing the blog so I'll let you know more as it pops up but the blog will feature four of our songs and a cover of Sarah Mclachlans song Answer.

looking forward to that.
such a talented man.

We've done a recording of the first song She's Lonely and it sounds pretty darned fine though I do say so myself. ;)

Well, for the first time in my life I feel like I've been officially screwed over. My college has instituted a new program to merge the CIS and CSC departments to save money so students can pay a little less tuition. Sounds good right. Guess what its not.

The claimed "merging" of departments is acutally the removal of the schools Computer Science Departement and the reallocation of all its resources and personnel into the Information Systems Department. What does that mean? Computer Programming and software developement has essentially been removed from the curriculum (They even removed AI Programming and Assembly Language, the *Insert Curse*).

What this means for me is that I have to change schools to get the degree I want because the courses I need ar eno longer in existence where I'm at. I don't even understand why all but the most redundant programming classes were removed. Why you would ever teach someone how to operate a computer network without teaching them the programming said network is built off of is beyond me. I feel really depressed now folks, and I'm hard to depress these days :(.

Damn that sucks, lordofhats. Is there no chance of petitioning them to not do it?

The school has an obligation to retain the program you signed up for the time normally required for completion. Remind them of that. You might also want to contact the U.S. Department of Education’s Office of Postsecondary Education. They may be able to bring pressure to bear on the institution to do the right thing.

Failing that, you could probably get a single free consultation with a lawyer to find out what options you have under the educational contract you have with them.

That's just the thing though Cog. They've essentially kept all the classes "needed" for my major. Software developement, AI Programming, and Multi-media Design were all optional courses for my major but they were the courses I needed for the job I want. I can still graduate but the dramatic shift in the curriculum has edged out all the courses I wanted to take (And those that they kept I have completed or am in the process of completion).

The clever dirt bags. I had about a dozen classes neccessary for graduation of my major and only four of the neccessities came from the CSC departement, (Computer Programming I, Computer Programming II, Intro to Operating Systems, and Applied Programming) all of which are still there. They've just got a new name. Only the first two and the last are ones I wanted and the others were all optional courses all of which have been removed.

How about directed study? If your school supports that option, you may be able to get instructors to teach one-on-one for those courses the school cancelled. The curriculums and reading lists already exist, and your financial aid will probably cover the small increase in tuition for that course option.

Another possibility is to see if there is another University (online or local) that could offer the course and arrange with your school to accept the credits.

Another alternative would be to study those topics on your own, independent of the degree program. You'll do a lot of that anyway after you earn the piece of paper. If the school no longer plans to offer the courses, they may possibly be persuaded to grant you access to the curriculum materials.

Honestly, I always learned much more outside of school than in classes. School mostly got in the way of my studying.

My parents have been divorced for a long time now, and the agreement (not an actual signed contract) was that I'd go to his place every tuesday and wednesday, and every second weekend. I've been staying true to that, but now I don't want to keep going.

My dad's been remarried for a few years, and I've been okay with my stepmom, but lately she's been exploding, violently yelling at me and stuff for the lamest reasons. Like going to be 10 minutes past my bed time.

Normally I'd shrug it off, but the last time she lunged for my neck, as though she was going to strangle me or something.

I really don't want to go back. But I feel that if I don't, I'll be hurting my dad's feelings.

What should I do?

Speak to your dad about it. You have a legitimate reason, and the best course of action is openness.

Is your dad aware of these incidents? If not, he needs to know about them.

I agree with Banzai. Whatever you decide to do, you should talk with your dad about it before making a final decision.

damn!

Something similar happened at the school I went to. There was a course that I was enrolled to do and paid out the money to do as well. When school started the course had been removed and I got placed in a sewing class instead...I was peeved! Not only had I missed out on the literacy course I was hoping to do, but they placed me in the one class that I felt was degrading! Home Economics. It taught nothing apart from how to be a model house wife basically and they placed me in there. I was not happy one little bit.

I complained to the education department bitterly and was able to change out of that course into any course of my choosing. Wasn't the point though.

I hope that you can sort it out lordofhats. I'm sorry that your school is messing you about like that. Sounds right off if you ask me. They never do seem to give a rats ass about the students, just saving money to benefit themselves!

Abstract talk to your dad. Don't complain or accuse. Just state the facts and see what he says.

Lord check out all your options. Maybe talk to one of your professors in a class you wanted to take. He could help you out with more ideas and maybe get you the classes.
Sure hope you find a solution.
Good luck.

My parents have been divorced for a long time now, and the agreement (not an actual signed contract) was that I'd go to his place every tuesday and wednesday, and every second weekend. I've been staying true to that, but now I don't want to keep going.

My dad's been remarried for a few years, and I've been okay with my stepmom, but lately she's been exploding, violently yelling at me and stuff for the lamest reasons. Like going to be 10 minutes past my bed time.

Normally I'd shrug it off, but the last time she lunged for my neck, as though she was going to strangle me or something.

I really don't want to go back. But I feel that if I don't, I'll be hurting my dad's feelings.

What should I do?

If she has done this then you most definately need to speak with your father and make him aware of the incidents. I know that at the moment she obviously hasn't physically harmed you, but she obviously has emotionally. It only takes one moment of lack in judgement and self control for an incident like this to go too far and someone get seriously hurt. Don't let yourself be a victim. Speak to your father about it, I know it isn't easy to do, but it is the only thing you can do.

I am very sorry that you have to experience something like this. But at the end of the day your feelings and well being is more important than those of your fathers. Sorry to be so harsh there, but it is a simple fact. You could end up in a far worse situation and it would make life for everyone much harder if it did when it could have had a stop put to it much earlier.

Cog: Some good suggestions. I could teach myself, though I guess I'm the opposite of you and learn best in a classroom environment. I'm still looking into my options and I need to talk to the parnetal units (Who control the purse in this family) before I do anything.

Torana: I liked home economics :p. I made a Kiss the Cook Apron. YOur right though this reorganization is caused by the outsourcing of programming jobs to India and CHina and the fact that many Americans just arn't interested in programming anymore (For some reason beyond me network managment pays alot better than a programming job and network management is an easier thing to learn). In short its not making up the money it costs to administrate and therefor they're going with the mor eprofitable curriculum whihc is mostly network management and security systems.

lessa: I am talking with one of my professors, who is none to happy about this decision. We're both of the mindset that its pointless to teach someone how to be businessman without teaching him supply and demand which is basically what the school is doing (They are teaching how to operate computers but apparently no one is learning the programming or the languages that go into their design or maintainence).

Well fingers crossed that things turn out for you.

We didn't get to make aprons...for some stupid reason we made long skirts.....O.o I didn't get it then and I got detention for questioning the teacher too. I always got detention cause I always questioned her methods :p lol the class was degrading and boring and I hated it!!!! <giggle> Detention was good though cause I got lots of sleep I was missing out on hahahahahaha

Standard proceedure for my generation.
girls took home ec boys took shop and woodworking.
I wanted to learn wood working. I hated sewing and still do to this day.
I had been cooking since I was 8 so didn't think they could teach me anything.
I kept going home when sewing was the last class. We did make an apron and mine was crap. I like to sew by hand but they didn't teach that. Just on the machine. I learned to hem when I was 9 and I learned to sew on a tredle machine at the age of 10.
Back then my mother was one of the rare working mothers. My friends mothers mostly stayed home. So I learned to do stuff to help mom in the house.
couldn't take computers since they weren't around back in them thar long ago days.
BUT I never saw a dinasaur so not that long ago.
Hope it works out for you future is at stake Lord.

There were dinosaurs in my town when I was growing up.

Sinclair Oil Company created them, and the display visited my town.

I took pictures with my Brownie Bullet camera, but those pictures are long lost.

But back to the schooling issue, I have always been primarily self taught. I have attended college, but need to finish one last course to seal my baccalaureat. But over the years I have worked in a couple of different specialized professions (chemistry and computers). I have done quite well, if I do say so myself.

Still, I will be finishing my BSIT degree in the upcoming weeks (awaiting scheduling of my final course), and I plan to go ahead with a Masters in Education, in order to teach college level Mathematics and possibly science and technology as well.

Well, they don't sound like they're good friends to you and apparently you don't like them very much either so my advice would be to stop hanging out with them. I don't see the point if you're just hurting yourself by being with them.

Honestly it sounds like your friends show you no respect and that is just outright rude of them. It sounds like you are making an effort for their respect and acceptance when they should be accepting you for who you are.

You aren't doing ANYTHING wrong. They are the ones that are at fault here. I am really sorry your friends are behaving in this manner. Maybe you should just walk away from them, give them time to think about the way they are treating you and find a group of friends that aren't complete sods to you.

There is no excuse for the way they have treated you. None at all. Maybe mention to them that what they are doing is hurting you. If you can't then best to walk away and forget about them. Sometimes it is hard to do, I know, I've had to walk away from a large group of friends myself, just for a slightly different reason though. But you will find new friends that will respect you and treat you like a human being.

Big hugs :)

Torana

you have outgrown your friends.
you have things to do and places to see.
in other words you have a life beyond the silly and nastiness.
It is time to move on to a new circle where you will fit in much
more easily.
This current group seems me like putting a fat lady into a girdle.
It never is a comfortable fit.

I agree with lessa. It looks as though your friends are busy treading water in the Hormonal Sea, and you have more on your mind than that.

When people start telling me how I should think, I think it's time to show them my heels.

Don't let them hold you back just because they're stuck. In fact, you can do them a big favor by showing them how to think for themselves. Maybe the will realize you present an example worth following, and the may even look to you as a leader in time. Whether or not they do, you will at least have thrown off the traces and can explore your own interests and unique identity.

One last thing - you don't need to be Frank to talk serious issues with guys. Just be yourself! ;)

(sorry, I can never resist a wide open pun opportunity!)

Ray are you a good actress?
If you are this might work and if you aren't really good it may just get you through this a bit easier.
When ever you have to be around them like in the cafeteria or lounge areas, have a book or some transportable hobby. As long as they are being friendly leave it out of sight. As soon as the nasty takes over pull out your book and totally ignore them. Laugh at something in the book but don't acknowledge them at all.
It will probably drive them nuts for a while when you don't tell them what the joke is and they will eventually pick on someone or something else.
Most people like this only want attention and if you give them none the actions will change. Especially if you show them that you could care less what they are doing. You are better than they are and maybe they know this and feel threatened. Don't let them see how it hurts.
I have been there and since it was a small town I had no escape from them at all. Kind of lonely but things will change when you are in the bigger fishbowl called life.
luv and hugs

Ray, I have been thinking of how to answer you since I read this, this morning.
You seem to be a very intelligent young woman. Do you think you could live with
yourself just acting like the crowd so you fit in.
If you do then try it for a while.
I know where you are coming from I was the same trying to make myself over to at least be able to watch from the sidelines. Unfortunately it didn't work and I was really lonelier than when I didn't try.
Nobody can really answer you but you.
Try different things and when you find one you can feel comfortable living in then do it. If it gets to be too much of a stretch try something else.
Try to find other friends after school and at other places.
If you need to talk to someone you can always pm me. I am a good listener and sometimes even give decent advice.
luv and hugs.

Polonius' advice remains valid - to thine own self be true.

Pretty hard to do when you are a teen with all the peer pressure.

You know I've never truely fit in with any of my groups of friends. I'm an individual and so very different from them all. BUT, they accept me for who I am. If they can't it is there problem and not mine. I don't care what they think, I love who I am and what I have become and if they don't, tough luck for them. They are the ones missing out not me.

This is hard thing to come to realise but when you do you'll be a better person for it and much happier. So stuff em Ray. Don't change who you are. You are an amazing person, a talented writer, and a good heart. If they can't accept that you aren't perfect (because no one is) then tell em to get stuffed. Sorry just I don't see the point in lying to ones self to make others happy. I tried that a while and I ended up pretty messed up in the head for a while not knowing who I was anymore. Now I do and I don't give a rats butt what others think of me.

Just be who you are, you can't be Brad Pitt or Brittany Spears cause you aren't either of them, you are yourself and that person is every bit as amazing as the next big hit hollywood actor. Don't fall to peer pressure. Love who you are, love who you are becoming, it is hard, but it is a vital and major step into crafting who you are going to be for the rest of your life. Don't be a DOORMAT for ANYONE! Be the one who stands up for herself and doesn't let people wipe their feet on her. It won't be easy I know, I've been down this road, but it will make you a far stronger person at the end of the day.

Torana

I really hope that things work out. You are an amazing person and don't let anyone tell you any differently ok.

Big hugs to ya darl :)

Tor

How do you talk someone out of doing something that could wind them up in a very difficult situation?

How do you talk someone out of doing something that could wind them up in a very difficult situation?

Being honest with them is the best bet, I think. If you sit them down and tell them what could happen to them, and that you care enough about them to not want to see that happen, that's got to at least have a chance of stopping them, right?

Sad thing is that I have done this countless times already and it doesn't seem to make any difference what so ever. I'm kind of getting desperate at the moment.

If that's the case, do you think that you can succeed at getting through to this person at all? If the consequences they may face, coupled with how much you care about them don't get through, what will?

You are right. But there has to be something more I can do...I really don't want to see this person wind up in a difficult situation like this.

Well, if talking to them in that way hasn't worked, the only other possible choice you have would be to find someone else to talk to this person. If you can find somebody who this person would be more inclined to listen to, you might be able to get them to change their mind.

Hmmm...well I've had a few different people talk to this person now and no one has been able to make any difference...do I just give up? Or do I keep trying?

Eh, there's a difference between giving up and being supportive. In the end, all you can really do is act as a pillar for your friends just as you'd like them to act as one for you. People will still make bad choices. There's no getting past it.

Thing is ray this person knows the consequences and what will happen and is willing to face the consequences for this persons actions. Still this person is going to go ahead and do what it is this person wants to do.

Connolly thank you for your help. I guess all I can do is try to be there for this person and hope that this person sees sense eventually.

Honestly I think that I have tried everything apart from hypnosis and putting them in a straight jacket in a padded cell to prevent them from ever doing it....

I guess all that is left to do is pick up the pieces of broken hearts. No this person isn't suicidal btw.

And thank you ray, I'm going to need all the luck in the world I think.

deleted this question.

Frustrating isn't it. You mean so well and you feel so helpless. All you can do is lead a horse to water.

I'm sure it's an emotional issue overriding common sense. Some people just don't want to deal with reality. They're happy in their own little world of illusion and don't care if it doesn't make any sense.

Ever hear people say: I know, I know I know.....

or Yes but, Yes but, Yes but....

If they are lucky they will see the light and change. Otheres will have a crisis then change. Some, unfortunatly most, repeat these cycles of suffering for the rest of their lives.

Sad but true, you can't save people from themselves. They must do it on their own.

It's been a while. Finally coming back, I'll try my best to get back into it.

Anywho, so yeah. About a month ago, my mother and I get back from working out, and she stops short of the house. I was then told, my parents were finally getting divorced. I don't know why it upset me so much when she told me, the idea even upsets me now. We could all see this coming, my mother and father didn't seem to actually love eachother since I can remember. They really never got along.

My mother even got herself a boyfriend, she always told me it was more like a friend. But really. What kind of friend kisses and cuddles with you? xD Then, about 3 weeks ago, I came to find out my dad had a girlfriend as well. She even had the audacity to take my dad's phone for a little "because my mother was stressing him out." She even answered when I called. That really angered me.

Well, beyond all that, apparently when my dad signed the divorce papers he had a "heart attack". We all think it was just a panic attack and apparently since then, he's been having some problems.

So that's my fun stuff.

It's been so long! How are you all doing?

Damn, that's rough Bick. Glad you're back though.

Hi Bick. Welcome back, sorry you're going through a rough time.

I completely agree. You couldn't have said anything more or different, Torana. Now, though I am sure it's difficult, you're just going to have to stand there and hold her hand no matter what decision she makes. As a friend, she's going to need you, no matter what her choice is.
I have been in the same situation (without the minor detail of the boyfriend passing away) and I have no regrets for my decision. But I had terrific friends who held my hands and told me that I was doing the right thing for ME. That is always key and it seems like you are the best one to keep reminding her of that.

I hate, hate, hate, hate, divorces...!! My parents almost got divorced because my Dad's mother is this bitch of a lady who wanted to separate them and back-bitched about them to each-other and spread rumours. Thank God, they finally talked and came to know it was a lie!!

Let me ask you something. When you get into a physical brawl with your mother, it's pretty bad, right? Ugh. I'm so ****ing sick of living here.

My mother divorced my father very close to the time I was born, so I have no memories of him at all. I do have memories of my stepfather a few years later, and all I can say there is good riddance. I'm also divorced myself, and the worst part is what it puts the children through, no matter how hard you both try to minimize the impact.

However, I also know what it was doing to them while we tried to stay together for the children's sake. We weren't shouting, or sniping at one another - it was just as lively as cold ashes. That was when she decided to call it quits. I fought against it, but in retrospect it was the right decision. I had no idea at the time just how much of myself I had given up. And the kids were doing far better. The time they spent with each of us was better time than it had been.

And for me, I was reborn. I lived in a way I hadn't experienced during or before my marriage. Funny how things work out sometimes.

Sounds bad, Baywriter. Ae you more or less ok?

Yeah. I hurt myself more than she hurt me.

Ray, divorce does suck (for the kids); but at least they worked it out. ^^

My mother's been divorced twice. She's about to be on husband number three. Maybe it'll work this time.

owww, that sounds bad Bay.....I do understand, my mother still beats the hell outta me when she thinks I' doing something exceedingly wrong, and I've lifted my hand once or twice, though always regretting it later. And my sis, Ruchi, is always getting one because she can't seem to keep her damned mouth shut, provoking Mummy, and she's sure gotten thrashed with a broom twice or thrice, and beat my mother back once and twice too. But I know Mummy doesn't really mean to beat ujusts, she's pretty high on blood pressure so gets angry easily, but afterwards for a month or two she'll treat us like syrup. And I love my mother. But you have to have had it pretty hard if you can't wait to get out of the place!!,

My mother just hasn't forgiven me for the past, so I get punished for it. Like I'm not getting punished enough already without her help...

Past...???whose mother does?? But my mother never did resent that my father's mother would beat the hell out of her cos she'd given birth to us two girls and not a brother. She's just thankful y Dad shifted her to Naini so that she wouldn't be unhappy. And she's happy knowing we are studying in a school that's one of the best in India. And that we're better in that studying than the "boys" my Aunty gave birth to, becoming the favourite, and that someday those guys will be most likely working under us....so she's happy, despite of whatever she's had to put up with the past. The past is no reason for a Mom to blame her children and your mother's past couldn't be worse than my other can it?

The past makes us who we are today. And getting over those problems in the past can make us stronger than what we were. Bay, I hope everything works out.

AND BICK! HELLLOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! glad you are back, even if it'sfor a little... bit... :p sorry about the bad news.

Hmm.. there seems to be a few of us here touched by divorce. My mum and dad aren't divorced but My dad was married before he met mum and divorced before he met mum. I think.... but eyah, it's really odd. I remember being confused about the situation when I was younger. I wondered who this woman was to me, was she somehow related (to which I got an astounding ********* is not anything to you!) And I have an older half sister from dads first marriage. Her mum woudln't allow contact between them and my sister had to wait until she was eighteen before she could finally get in contact with dad. So it's unnerving. Being in the 'second family' I'm certain Dad didn't cheat on ********* with my mum but yeah.... odd.

Anyways, I hope everyone's situation gets better. Bay, I hope you can find a way to get out of that place, cause it's not healthy for you to be in that situation if it's constantly happening.

That sounds a little messed up DOZ. I don't really see why any child should be deprived access to their parents (unless of course the parent poses a danger to the child). And using a child as a weapon against an ex is disgusting.

Past...???whose mother does?? But my mother never did resent that my father's mother would beat the hell out of her cos she'd given birth to us two girls and not a brother. She's just thankful y Dad shifted her to Naini so that she wouldn't be unhappy. And she's happy knowing we are studying in a school that's one of the best in India. And that we're better in that studying than the "boys" my Aunty gave birth to, becoming the favourite, and that someday those guys will be most likely working under us....so she's happy, despite of whatever she's had to put up with the past. The past is no reason for a Mom to blame her children and your mother's past couldn't be worse than my other can it?

It's not really her past... It's mine. I messed up...a lot. Unfortunately, the bad stuff I did involved my father/her husband. Complicated to explain. So she can't forgive me for me. I'm like...the other woman in her eyes.

I'm sorry, but that is absurd. She is blaming the wrong person.

Unfortunately for children people do not always think rationally.
Parents blame the kids for lots of their problems. Fathers think they have been trapped into marriage if the woman gets pregnant.
Mother's blame the kids if the father gets angry that she is spending too much time with them.
People like to blame others for their own short comings. And they never take it out on someone who can defend themselves or fight back so it is usually the kids who get the blows. Whether physical or mental.
The only thing the child can do is to become stronger and vow to never do to their own children what was done to them.
That way the cycle ends.

People like to blame others for their own short comings. And they never take it out on someone who can defend themselves or fight back so it is usually the kids who get the blows.

That's more or less the vicious circle that happens in my family, my dad blames my mom and then she blames me. Fortunately I'm old enough to know when something is not my fault and she's just bitching at me.

Fathers think they have been trapped into marriage if the woman gets pregnant.

Ha! that's why I prefer arranged marriages........at least the guys know what they are getting into and who they're getting into it with. Oh! I don't care whether the person I marry is a virgin or not, I'd prefer to be one,....at least I'd know that no one can blame me for anything that happens after marriage.

A few years back my mom was driving us down a highway on a very long trip, and I asked her why she'd chosen to have kids, and for the effort I discovered that my brother and I were both accidents. She said they'd used protection, but that it hadn't worked and they'd decided to keep us. Thinking it over now, I guess that still doesn't make it planned parenthood.
...Snap.

that's what I'm always wondering........how can parents ever call their children "accidents"?? agar aana nahi hota toh bachche waise bhi bhi nahi aate, kuch toh God chahate hi hongi, tabhi "protection" ke saath be kids paida ho jaate hain.

Both of my sons were planned they just came a few years early.
Best laid plans of mice and men.
Even with planning your life you can't be machines and have it turn out the way you want it to just by wishing and planning.
Life sort of takes control and your plans go out the window.
Some people are strong enough to go with the flow while others fight it tooth and nail.

The need to reproduce is something I can't comprehend. An article I read a few years back said that men need children in order to achieve some measure of immortality. But in my opinion, each generation has its own life and it's own legacy. So the need remains a mystery to me.

point to be noted, me lord...

Actually the need to reproduce is quite true. In the beginning it was so the clan would live and stay strong. If not enough children were born then the clan would die out because most people did not live to adult hood.
Men still have the strong instinct to have children boys more than girls since the boys were needed to help with the hunting.
Girls were needed to raise the children and do the cooking and gathering of food.
The genes and instincts are still in us but the need is not there so society is setting different rules.
We don't hunt and gather food any more. We simply go to the store.
There is not the need for large farm families so the crops can be sown and harvested.
Big machines do that for us now.
Lots of women still want to nurture children but even that is changing.
There are no hard and fast rules any more, so people start out with one rule usually placed there by their parents but as their life changes so do the rules they follow.
Maybe in 3 generations things will be starting to settle down into a new norm.

You have some lucid observations. Maybe it's a sign we're hitting a population ceiling. Also, it certainly makes sense, because my dad saved a heck of a lot of money by making my brother and I do manual labor when we were kids.

hell, I feel nice hearing stories about foriegn teenagers that my parents would be there for me until I'm off married. Or something like that. I'll never need to get about roaming in the market for job or anything. Just concentrate on my studies, with everything I want paid. That's a huge load off, and sometimes I wonder where I went right to get this lucky.

hell, I feel nice hearing stories about foriegn teenagers that my parents would be there for me until I'm off married. Or something like that. I'll never need to get about roaming in the market for job or anything. Just concentrate on my studies, with everything I want paid. That's a huge load off, and sometimes I wonder where I went right to get this lucky.

I think what you see as luck is a lot to do with the culture.

I am in Canada and was raised here.
Don and I will always be there for our children even though they are now 31 and 27 and living on their own.
They had jobs and went to college and university but we were there for them if they needed us. Not only financially but emotionally.
If we hadn't let them get a job when they were still at home they would have gone out into the world with no experience to put on their resumes. Even though they had good educations they had no experience.
I have had friends from China Japan India Lebanon and Iraq and the women think Canadian mothers are horrible mothers because we give the children so much freedom.
My attitude is you have to give children freedom. Not just in some things but in all things age appropriate.
One thing society has taken away from people, children mostly is the right to fail.
Even in school you do not fail a grade you are sent back or put into special classes.
sports you never lose you just didn't win.
Give a child no challenges and they will not grow.
Give them a task a bit beyond their skills and you would be amazed at what they can accomplish.

LOL/....my Mom would have a fit if she came to know I as much spoke to a guy she didn't know,....much less date......she didn't know Sarthak and me were ore then just friends though she did now him.......I guess that tells you how uch freedom at least Indian women are ready to give to their children...lol.......jokes apart,yeah, even though there's still a part of society who feels that children should be tightly bound until they've established hemselves, but most parents my included, would give me freedom to do whatever I wanted, however I wanted it. Ant they'd always be there. I know they object to anything I do, but soetimes even I become a little backward, considering........
Sorry for the bore speech......had to explain the current stage of our culture....lol

Earlier this week there was a referendum in the town that I am originally from. This referendum didn't pass and as a result, the high school that I went to will be shutting down. The community was against a temporary 3-year tax that would fix budget issues. However, it can be assumed that most didn't inform themselves with all of the facts. Now as a result their tax money supporting the school will being going to other towns and their taxes will increase anyway because of the town lacking a school. This made me depressed and I wrote a story about it. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't release myself through writing. Actually, I'd most likely be drinking if I couldn't.

Earlier this week there was a referendum in the town that I am originally from. This referendum didn't pass and as a result, the high school that I went to will be shutting down. The community was against a temporary 3-year tax that would fix budget issues. However, it can be assumed that most didn't inform themselves with all of the facts. Now as a result their tax money supporting the school will being going to other towns and their taxes will increase anyway because of the town lacking a school. This made me depressed and I wrote a story about it. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't release myself through writing. Actually, I'd most likely be drinking if I couldn't.


Ow!!! That much be so bad..!! I hope you don't drink though. That'll be totally NOT good. You'll just end up feeling even worse.

I don't know if this will really help anyone with anything, but it made me step back and take another look at things. Sometimes life gets you down and you can't make yourself see the things that make it all not so bad. I hope this story helps anyone who reads it see those smaller things that more often than not we fail to see.
A while back, my friend's older brother, Steven, had to have serious wrist surgery. The bones were merging together and if he didn't have some sort of drastic surgery, he wouldn't be able to use his hands again. Long story short, his family pooled their money and had just enough to pay for the surgery. Steven had to spend the next six months in full-arm casts, from fingers to shoulders. Pretty terrible huh?
For the first several weeks after the surgery, Steven was on heavy pain medication. Some nights, the pain was so intense that even the strongest pain killers were not enough to dull the throbbing.
A few weeks into this mess, Steven's family decided they would be nice and take him out to his favorite restaurant. Everyone there ordered their food and when it god to Steven, he ordered some potatoes. The waitress asked him if he would like them baked or mashed. Now, I don't know if it was because of all the pain killers or what, but what Steven did next was really inspiring for me. He looked at the waitress and began crying. His mom asked him what was wrong and he replied with this, "I have a choice?"
So when you think your life is really bad, just step back and take a look at the small but important things you do have that may go overlooked. I hope this helps someone.

omg that is really amazing. It is a really horrible but very beautiful story that is for sure. It's amazing sometimes what can bring a person to tears of joy. He sounds like a very amazing guy and it is a most inspiring story.

God, that, helped, so, much! Thank you for that Dark, and thanks to Steve too, it finally made me see light.

Have you ever felt that no matter how much you try to remedy a situation it just seems to make it worse?

Basically things are guzzling down the gurgler for me. There's an epic problem with money at the moment, my Mother only receives 500 dollars in wealthfare payment each fortnight because she has a disability,this is exacerbated by the fact our rent alone is 400 dollars a fortnight, therefore leaving my family with 100 dollars a fortnight to somehow use to buy food and bills. Of course I've realised how incredibly tight money is and have therefore gone off and applied for my own wealthfare payment, which is about 200 a fortnight and have gone off and gotten myself a job- yet still I am the sole blame for my family's quandary and am constantly lectured as to how beyond irresponsible I am for not taking action sooner even though I’ve been looking for work for three months and have applied three times for the wealthfare payment but was unable to complete it because my Mother hadn't done her tax. On top of this I am stressed because of university, I'm behind in my work because I've missed days because i simply had no money to a) get to uni and b)feed myself while there. On top of this I have no social life, not only can I not afford to go out, but I am obligated to stay home to take care of the house and my Brother, because Mum is too depressed to do anything. Also my best friend is incredibly angry with me at the moment because I've begun speaking to my ex boyfriend- of course there were reasons for my decision to do this- at the moment I'm trying to be a better person and forgive people whom I've fought with in the past, I'm trying to teach myself to let go of grudges and to move on from whatever contempt I have for someone, and to be honest, my ex boyfriend was the number one person whom I had the greatest grudge against, so I just thought to myself, if we could be friends again, maybe I could put my energy into something greater than contempt, therefore I called him up one day and we spoke about our past relationship and forgave each other for our mistakes- although so, however peaceful the reconciliation, I now feel like ive made a grave mistake because my best friend is angry with me and is yet to understand what I'm trying to achieve.
All this crap makes me incredibly depressed, some mornings I just see no point in even waking up. I just want to make everyone happy and more so, keep them happy but I have little idea about what I should do next, I'm doing my best but it doesn't seem to be enough, it usually never is.

I was in the same situation to and extent. My parent's have this bad habit of spending beyond their means and them whining when the collector comes knocking. Like yourself, I received the brunt of their frustration with their own incompetence. Now, maybe I'm just heartless, but I got pretty fed up with that. So I moved out and am taking the next Navy boat bound for "The Hell Away From Here", wherever that might take me. Hopefully that will make them realize what a couple of close-minded slugs they are.

Eoz I know what it is like to be in the financial difficulty area. My father had a major back operation when I was 5 or 6. He broke a disc in his back and had the area fused or something...I don't remember. My mom worked so hard and so did he and even after this before getting his back fixed, he slaved at work crying like a baby when he came home. I remember hearing him every night...

In the end they both had to leave work, dad had his op and mom had to take care of him. Money was tight for the rest of our lives. It wasn't easy to get by with 4 children, two adults and a billion pets with all the bills, house payments and so forth. But they scraped by.

Now they received about $800 a fortnight and it doesn't go far. I live with them now and I spend a lot of my money on helping them pay bills and so forth. I feel obligated to help them to manage as they kept me alive all these years, supporting me, giving me a roof, a home and love. Ever since I began work I gave them money to help out, even after I moved out of home. I had two jobs at one stage and gave her up to $1000 a month roughly with everything I spent on her, like shopping and bills, and so forth. Now I help where I can. So I know what you are going through with the fanancial side of things.

It can be very hard and I really hope that things ease off for you and your family.

As for your friend, he/she should be more understanding. Just give your friend time and try to explain things and hopefully your friend will understand why you are talking to your ex again. Don't let others run your life and control you. You are your own person and at the end of the day, do what pleases you and not everyone else. You are the most important person and DON'T you forget that.

Eoz, financial issues affect every aspect of life, the stress is unrelenting. For your parents to put the blame on you is unconscionable, but it is understandable. You are doing what you can, and you know it, even if they won't see it.

As for your friend, he needs to grow up and lose some of his insecurities, or at least not take them out on you. If he won't see that making your peace with your ex is a positive step on your part that will only improve your current relationship by eliminating one of your stressors, then that is his problem. Don't let him make it yours as well!

Enoz, I can sympathise with the best-friend not talking area, though they aren't exactly my best-friends, they're angry at me currently, cos I've decided to give my relationship with Sarthak another chance, and it just happens that he was the ex of one of them, and another has a crush on him, but he doesn't care a two-pence for them ad I happen to know he's quite clos to lovin' me, but still it hurts. To top it all my best-friends of 10 years and I've broken up and they've started behaving snipe. So I sympathise with you. Plus it doesn't make matters any good to have a guy tell around that you're his gf and you talk all the time together online and over phone, when you just happen to be good friends and just chat online.

Other than that, Torana, my Mom got her hand broken so stupidly, she fell off from bed at night, when we were just in 7th grade, we kw no one around, my Dad wasn't here...so my sis and I were alone in the house with the neighbour's 11th grade daughter. By God's grace, we're fine enough on the financial status...but it took two years for Mummy to recover and that time changed us completely, she just got the rod taken out last year......but still hurts to think back to that time. Pure mental torture.

it all helps us to build strength though. Every obstacle set before us can be over come. It may not happen over night, but in time we are able to over come all and move past it :)

Support always helps :)

Thanks guys, I appreciate it hey

Everything should be okay in the next couple of months, things can only improve, I'm going to be more positive

also, I spoke with my friend and everything seems okay now.

Thanks again for the feedback to my overemotional rant, lol, I feel much better now.

Sometimes looking at things with a positive outlook can really help. I hope that things do become much easier for yourself and your family Eoz :)

Eoz, your friend will come to his/hersenses soon enough. No one who is really your friend will begrudge you trying to make your life easier, he/she is just worried, and doesn't want you to get hurt again.

And Banzai sums well a lesson I took 7 years to learn, on on department and 4 on the other....

Kool.

what do you do when someone offers you the one thing you have wanted all your life on a silver platter, no strings attached?

I feel so lost right now. I've been given the opportunity of a lifetime, something that on my own, I am unable to do for quite some time. But here is this person, offerring to lend me a hand...

I don't like to accept help from others at all. Not when it is something that greatly affects the person that I am and where my life is heading. I want to climb the mountain and succeed on my own stamina, but I know I can't and it is tearing me apart. I feel like if I accept this amazing offer, that I am failing. But then if I deny the offer, I'll never succeed in the way that I know I could with the help from this person.

But at the same time, I don't want people to think that I only got to that point because I relied on others to get me there....I just feel so torn between wanting to reach that point and not relying on others....

Torana, just do what you'd prefer to do. Follow your heart.

Hmm. Tough call. I would take it but make sure you look into it. Sign a contract and get a solicoter to have it looked over so it save you any heartache in the future. Be very careful but if this helps you, and your children- then take the chance. Otheriwse you're gona be wondering what if?

thank you both. I guess I really just needed to rant about it really. Not much advice can be given really. I guess I'll just go for it, but be cautious at the same time.

Thank you both.

Just take the offer if it's something you've always wanted. You have to rely on other people sometimes.

My roommate fell ill a few days ago. That didn't really bother me. Now I am ill and it does. I wish him and his germs would stick to their own affairs.

Art sorry you are sick.
Room mates are a great source of germs.
One thing I have learned is if you take 10 mg of zinc a day it cuts down on your catching the germs others seem so willing to share.
Hope you recover soon.

Torana, your post caught my eye as i can somewhat relate to it. I too have this person in my life, offering the world to me. At first I pushed him away, but the stubborn twat just kept being persistant, and it made me realise that maybe this person actually wanted to help me. Ive always had this thing in the back of my mind telling me that people have alterior motives when they say they want to help me, and I too have always wanted to reach the top of that mountain on my own. I guess lately i have realised that it is possible to be headstrong and do the things you want to do, and if by chance some kind soul helps you to your feet when you trip over lifes obstacles, you have not been defeated, you have merely been helped by someone who believed enough in you to help you along your way.