Robert
11-21-2007, 04:55 PM
Erin, you PMd me asking for feedback, but you don't accept PM replies. My comments follow:
I'm afraid I'm no longer active here, so you may wish to involve someone with more of an active interest to invest their time in your book.
I read part of page 1, down to the first break, then a couple of random paragraphs from later in the book.
It needs a good proof read to correct some of the more trivial issues, and more than a little revision to tighten up the prose some.
In my opinion the writing shows a general lack of maturity (of the writing, not necessarily the author). You can tweak the writing all you like, but ultimately it's probably not going to have much commercial appeal because it doesn't come up to the standard of commercial writing.
Does it suck? No. I wouldn't buy it and I wouldn't read it beyond the first few paragraphs if it was given away free, but I've seen far worse writing, so I wouldn't say this sucks. I noticed enough to convince me that the writing isn't of a good enough quality, and didn't interest me enough to want to read on.
Of course, you should appreciate that one single opinion (be it mine or someone else's) means diddley-squat. If it helps, I think The Hobbit sucks.
My advice, if you're serious about writing a novel, would be to seek out a professional reviewer and get some quality feedback on your writing. It will cost you, but it will probably do more for you than any amount of time spent in writing forums such as these. Seek out someone reliable if you can.
Anyhow, good luck with your writing.
Cheers,
Rob
I'm afraid I'm no longer active here, so you may wish to involve someone with more of an active interest to invest their time in your book.
I read part of page 1, down to the first break, then a couple of random paragraphs from later in the book.
It needs a good proof read to correct some of the more trivial issues, and more than a little revision to tighten up the prose some.
In my opinion the writing shows a general lack of maturity (of the writing, not necessarily the author). You can tweak the writing all you like, but ultimately it's probably not going to have much commercial appeal because it doesn't come up to the standard of commercial writing.
Does it suck? No. I wouldn't buy it and I wouldn't read it beyond the first few paragraphs if it was given away free, but I've seen far worse writing, so I wouldn't say this sucks. I noticed enough to convince me that the writing isn't of a good enough quality, and didn't interest me enough to want to read on.
Of course, you should appreciate that one single opinion (be it mine or someone else's) means diddley-squat. If it helps, I think The Hobbit sucks.
My advice, if you're serious about writing a novel, would be to seek out a professional reviewer and get some quality feedback on your writing. It will cost you, but it will probably do more for you than any amount of time spent in writing forums such as these. Seek out someone reliable if you can.
Anyhow, good luck with your writing.
Cheers,
Rob