Login 00: Prolouge
Username: Aeon
Location: Real World

The Exiverse is a vast expanse of digital brilliance. Consructed of four major islands and two life-size oceans, it's the closet thing to a virtual world that humankind has created. And the year is 2065.
Whole cities, along with towns and kingdoms, reside on three of the islands. These are the common islands and they are referred to as the Peace Islands. The names of these islands are Elquex, Velis, and Thurmok. These are the places on which common players, like me, come to train, battle, and take part in quests.
But the fourth island is way different. It's located at the farthest edge of the Fearon Sea. The island is about the size of the entire United States, excluding Hawaii and Alaska. Only the Creators and the Moderators could step foot on the island. The penalty for exploring this island is deletion: a virtual death where magic and potions couldn't bring you back.
Anyway, this island doesn't have a name, but us players refer to it as Factory Island. It fits well because of the giant building at the center of the island. The Factory? You got it. The factory is three hundred feet tall with smooth steel walls, reinforced with magic. But there are no guards. there are no guards because there are no doors. In fact, the factory is just a massive, steel square in the middle of the island. On the outside, anyway.
The inside of the Factory is a mystery. No one except the Creators and the Mods have ever been inside. Players often try to break in, but they all fail. The Factory is impenatrable.
I didn't know what had caused me to join Exiverse. But I think it had something to do with the dangerous virus creeping into Exiverse's system that could wipe out not just the online players, but the real world players as well.
Yeah, I think that's why i joined.

A couple of questions:

Have you played inside Second Life (http://secondlife.com/) yet? You might consider that going there is a good place to go to do research for this project.

Also, there is a series of books called "Otherland" by Tad Williams. They're adult, but they're very good, and about the same sort of themes that you're talking about.

I do think that you're probably going to need to do more research on computer related issues. A good short story that uses a virtual fantasy world is "Legacy" by Michelle Sagara West.

For example, "Virtual Death" is an odd punishment because in most cases you could simply set up another account to use.

Also, "The Factory" makes me think that they're responsible for the virus. Which may or may not be the case, but it might be better if you characters can discover this factory on their own.

Finally, I don't learn anything really substantial about this character. I want to know a lot more.

This message has been assassinated for its redundancy. Bad post. Bad.

Also, since the time is set in the future, and the character is obviously going to end up fighting technology, or even a major corporation, your book will probably fall into the Cyberpunk catagory.

If that's the case, then readers will be expecting much less detail -- CP readers tend to like their info to be doled out in random, here-and-there dialogue spurts. Something as info-jammed as this would deter fans of the genre.

The factory also reminds me of the Factory that leads to the Architect in 'The Matrix: Revolutions" (i.e. There's a building. Inside this building there's a level where no elevator can go, and no stair can reach. (clip) This building is protected by a very secure system.)

If you've ever read "Snow Crash" by Neal Stephenson, the idea is remarkably similar to that as well.

Funny, as the age of Hollywood increases, it becomes that much more difficult to find original ideas. Such a pain sometimes.

~Iai

as spherical time said before, i dont know who, or why this character is talking about this.

It seems taht you have this setting of this story as a game? so, would u try to make this like a story where its a game, with game stats every so while? or is it going to be more like a fantasy novel?

i like how you describe the setting of the "real world", but remember, if you are doing it in a setting of a game, you might want to add where you begin, what u have (remember the potions and spells) and what your mission is. you might want to try to take it out into two places, the REAL world (like on earth) and in the virtual world/game.

great details. wish i could write more like taht.

first, learn how to spell prologue....
I realize that you're writing in the first person but still... that is hugely informal way of writing and not gripping at all, saying anyway, yeah and think it had something to do with in those senses are simply put tedious and unneeded

well since this is so short and only a prologue I don't really have anything else to criticize, we'll have to see how your story shapes up