I have a whole plot mapped out for a gladiator-style story, and because of the satirical nature of the story I must include an obligatory "We who are about to die salute you!".

So... how would I write that in a singular form while still keeping it in that recognizable form? Nothing I'm coming up with sounds quite right. Like... "I who am about to die..." or "I that...". Odd.

Should I just ditch that little enterprise?

Maybe "The man who is about to die salutes you!"?

"The others who were about to die, bugged out on me."

Keep the plural. If royalty and editors can use it, so can gladiators. Since it's a satire, but a twist on it. "We who are about to die think you suck"

"We who are about to die want to trade jobs with you"

"We who are about to die, REALLY DON'T WANT TO!!!!"

how about, "We, who are about to have our guts spilled for your sick pleasure, salute your strong stomachs!"?

"We who are about to die... guys? Hey guys? Where did you all go?"

LOL
Reminds me of "What do you mean 'we', white man?"

"I who am about to die salute you" sounds fine, I think. Perhaps put a couple commas in there.
"I am about to die, and I salute you" ?

Heh, thanks. Now I have to come up with something remotely humorous to say.

Lol, I like Cogito's...and Domoviye's... Maia, something tells me you have something against gladiatorial games... ;)

you think? ;-)