I've been walking around with an idea for years. Well, obviously I've had more ideas but this particular one has always stuck with me. I tried writing it down every now and then but I never got very far. I still haven't, as a matter of fact everything is gone because I got frustrated and deleted it all, BUT I do feel like the story is coming together more and more. Every week or so more details pop up in my head and they just fit - it's like a giant puzzle that is finally starting to come together. Parts of the idea that I felt ready to dismiss are now making sense. I really think I can make this work. I'm trying to create a story outline now, just so I don't get overwhelmed and confused or forget everything I think of in the process. Then maybe, just maybe, I might actually start writing this story! Muhaaaa!
I posted my first workshop entry and received some critiques. I'm handling it okay. I'm glad I didn't post my "main" story because I probably would have felt crushed by the tiniest bit of criticism. This feels like a better way to get used to it. Still, it makes me feel extremely insecure. I feel like I will never be abe to take my writing to the level I want it to be. Do I need more practice? Do I need to improve my English? Do I need a different approach? Do I simply lack talent? Should I write in Dutch? I get disheartened so quickly. I just don't want to try anymore, because what if I fail? Silly though, because trying and failing is always better than not doing anything. I know that, but I'm still having a very hard time getting myself to go through with it. I wish I could make up my mind. Either let it go or just go for it.
New beginnings are always a good time for another attempt at keeping a blog, right? Right. So here we go. Sun and I had lived together for four years when I left about a month ago. I miss him and I feel lonely. Still, I don't regret my decision. I need this. Of course we still see each other often. He means the world to me. But living apart from him feels good, and I feel like I am finally making progress in my life. It's not always easy though, and I'm still adjusting to him not always being there for me when I need him. It's time to start relying on myself. I'm nervous about starting my internship. It's a pretty big step for me and I want to do well. I'm also nervous about the huge amount of work that's coming my way and having to face all of that on my own. But I think I am ready for it now. Come to think of it, I'm nervous about quite a lot of things. But at least I'm doing them now, aren't I? Sometimes I feel like I deserve a statue for just that. I'm glad Dani (the cat) is with me now. I can't explain how much I've missed him the last four years. He's my little guardian angel. Who likes to chew on my hair if I sleep in for too long. This describes my state of being well enough for now. I will try to update this every now and then. Putting myself out there (even if it's just for myself) is an important step and I can practice my writing as well. How very wonderful. I wish you all a beautiful day.