Is he blind? Stupid? Oblivious!?!?
He should know how i feel, I've told him. Is all that we were a sum of nothing? Is all that we are simply a fragment of vapor? Is time the force that keeps us apart?
He and I were so close, best friends. Then we fell in love... so much pain and space and time tried to pry us away from each other. So many circumstances brought us to where we are now, barely able to communicate, and not because of lack of desire. we are not together anymore.
He calls me his best friend, he worries over me, reasures me that i am strong and capable, laughs and jokes and tells me his secrets... and when i do get to see him, i watch his eyes behold me as though i am some kind of secret treasure that only he has ever seen, and then when he sees me looking, a wall goes up behind those same eyes.
I miss him like i would miss my right arm. He is one of the few in this world i trust entirely, one of the few that i would cross the world for, one of the only that i would die for. He inspires me, teases me, and uplifts me. He protects me from the people that hurt me, the circumstances of the world, and even myself. When i am broken he helps me put the pieces back the right way.
In short, I love him, and don't know how to tell him... again.
I'm getting kicked out of my house. I told my parents i wanted a job because i don't want to live there my entire life (i'm 18). they told me they don't agree, they think it's (get this) UNGODLY to move out until you're married. so they said if i got the job they would take my paycheck and put it in another account, i wouldn't be able to touch it. I told them i was an adult, and could handle my own money... and that's when my dad began to yell that i "Get out of his house right now".
Mind you, i've had no problems managing the money i already have, and i have no drug, alcohol, or sex related issues. I'm in college, a sophomore to be exact, and i really think they're crazy. I don't WANT to stay there now... but idk what in the world to do...
ON a good note, there is a place interested in hiring me... hopefully it will work out.
There's a sad sort of damnation
that happens when you close your eyes
to all the love that you could have had
and listen to bitter lies
Then you lock yourself up in the darkness
and whisper alone your pain
and you never let anyone
come close to your heart again
two emerald birds
fly to the safety
of your own
we do not touch
a wall surrounds our hearts
and yet we reach
with our souls
until they crackle in embrace
a soft caress
beneath the veil
and now i die again
for you blink
and break the spell
alone we are again
Last night when i fell asleep,
he came again to me;
that cold-staring beast that enslaves
with his aching melody
His thousand harpys held me still
so i would hear the whole
and once again be bewitched
and held by his control
and now the numb consumes me
only broken by the pain
and he laughs as i scream
and reach for light in vain
This time love cannot save me
for Love left me without wings
now i'm taunted by my silent wish
in the song the cold beast sings
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