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  1. this is not really a story, it's more like an exercise. i had a bit of a writers block and decided to write a story about writers block. this is what came out.
    it's funny to me, but i haven't the balls to call it a story.

    The name of this monstrosity?

    Writers block!!!!

    Aint I a creative basterd?

    and now for the story:

    "Okay just write, just write damn you!"

    "Look at it look at that blank piece of paper, it's mocking you man, it's making fun of you, it's making love to you're children and eating your ancestors! Or maybe the other way around… o just stop and write damn you."

    "You can do this man it's in your blood you're a champion! A champion I say!
    That’s right, you type them words, them be fighting words, them be power words now you type them and… hey what are you doing? Hey stop that there was nothing wrong with that! Stop erasing they were perfectly acceptable words you ass-hole!"

    "Okay never mind never mind back to square one, no worries, just focus, you can do this, it's not that hard just sit here and get inspired, look at your balls that's an inspiring sight."

    "stop looking at your balls we have work to do here!"

    "What are you doing? Why are you pacing? Get back here and sit down you need to write something right now, your life depends on it. well not really, I mean you wont actually die, not physically, at least not anytime soon, hopefully, I mean I don’t think anyone actually died from not writing, except for that crazy chick that stuck her head in the oven, I'd totally pork her."

    "Get it? pork? Because she's in the oven? Probably didn’t smell like bacon does but still…"

    "Hey stop distracting me you bustard! You sick dyslexic ****, holy **** did you just spell dyslexic? That's ****ing impressive, you know what else would be impressive?
    Writing something that's ****ing good!"

    "Now don’t get me wrong I'm not criticizing you, but if I did you'd get a very low score. Listen just sort of sit there, ye that's right just sit, breath in, relax. That's it' doesn't this feel nice and pleasant, now go to your happy place, no not that one, not that one either, go to the happy place that isn't R rated numb-nuts, ye that's the one, now thinks about all the cool **** you wanna put on paper… got it? good! now just get really inspired, totally and completely hyped up on excitement and creativity, you got it? you ready to go totally kamikamikamikamihahahah ape**** on this? You ready to make a master piece? Good then open you damn eyes and write like the devil!"



    "Well… that was completely useless, much like your tarnished and ruined asshole. Hey I'm not judging you I'm just saying, you'd like it if they made inspiration in suppository form, o for good sakes stop looking at your balls for three seconds and concentrate."

    "Man, I have got to stop talking to myself."