After all this time, I realize that I've lost myself in my schedule and haven't felt the need for anything else except my friend Jess.
Today, I looked through an album of pictures of people that I've met maybe three times total who make up a big group of amazing dramaless friends (unlike my old group who kicked drama out of nowhere every time we were together) and I wished, for the briefest moment that they were my friends.
Because I feel lost.
My closest friends are Jessica, my best friend, and my boyfriend, Brett. I think that both are amazing people but they are both bent on hating each other because Brett and Jess dated for 2 years before they broke up and a few months later, Brett and I started talking.
They both bitch about the other whenever we talk.
So is it impossible for me to have ANYONE other than myself to count on? At all? I'm still growing up. Teens are supposed to have friends, aren't they?
My homeschooling and all the other activities I take part in are completely swamping me and I'm losing it. I'm losing my hope, security, everything.
Usually my depression is kept back, but it seems that lately, there's not been anything except it in my life.
No jubilation could I feel, no lust, no harmony under my skin.
Foreign to me were sensual thoughts. Gone, the silent tingling of anticipation.
Nothing about her consumed me: I'd unmasked all her mystery.
Ill-favored time took hold and she slowly became nothing more than a reminder of what once was.
But she never left.
And for that, I couldn't love anyone more than her.
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