The past few weeks my folks have been fighting. My mom (who I tend to blame more so than my dad) I believe is going through a midlife crisis. I'm not too sure about what that specifically is, but I know its stressed my family and I out to the max. She usually is all put together and steadily praying and reading her bible and leading the family in devotions, but now she is drinking, smoking cigarettes again (she quit 11 years ago), and dropping a F bomb literally every time we get the chance to speak to her. As for my father, he just kind of ignores whats going on, like nothings the matter. But, there is. My fathers lack of caring drives my mom insane, so, as of now he is out of the house for most of the week, and he usually sleeps at our small rent house down the street from where we live. He doesn't understand, and neither do the rest of us, but he just isn't smart enough to leave her be I guess.
I have no idea what drove my mom to whatever is going on with her, but I start school in a week and I find it, surprisingly nearly out of my thoughts most of the time.
My mother always talks to us (meaning my brother and sister) about her issues with dad. I'm fifteen, my brother is seventeen, and my sister ten. Both of them seem to kiss ass, but I never have a problem telling her what I think. She usually uses this against me in most cases, but she also knows I will always be honest and talks to me more than the other two.
Personally, I hate it that she keeps bringing us into her and my dads problems. Especially when my ten year old sister is exposed to all that adult bull ****. I can't handle much more of that, I find it immature, and I think its just a conspiracy to turn us against dad for custody purposes. My dad has said little comments here and there, but never disrespects her as much as she does him.
She is always screaming that she wants a divorce. I know that my dad wants the same thing too, because he told me one day. He didn't actually directly tell me, but he spoke when he knew I was the only one in the room.
I feel a little angry, and when I really let myself think about it, I feel sad.
But overall I feel confused as too why I just don't seem to care. Is that normal?
My parents sent me and my siblings to stay with my grandmother for the week so they could talk things over, and while I was here my grandmother wanted to talk about what was going on. Now, she is a registered psychiatrist mind you, she said lots of different things that made me think way too hard, but one question got to me especially, and it was, "Well how is all this making you feel?"
For the first time, in the weeks they've been fighting, I felt my throat get thick and tears were coming. All I said to her was 'I don't know,' but there was more there. I just wouldn't allow myself to go there. Before she said anymore, I gathered myself up, like nothing happened. Everyday, I wonder whats wrong that I don't feel what my brother does, which is stressed out, trying to figure out why mom is acting so crazy and trying to protect her to dads stupidity, or how my sister does, which would seem more me, which is just simply heart broken over the whole situation. I really don't understand, and I'm speaking to a bunch of strangers, but I really would like your input. Thanks so much.
I began a diet 10 days ago with a lot of confidence (maybe too much?) and determination. I would like to lie and say that I was a soldier and didn’t turn down the Peanut Butter Cup ice cream my dad brought home yesterday, but unfortunately, yesterday turned into a complete binge. It wasn’t only the ice cream though, I also ate three slices of bread (with butter), two bowls of Captain Crunch, and a brownie (Damn that sweet tooth!).
So now I’m a little down, but so far today has gone well. This morning I had a fat free Yoplait yogurt and a granola bar, and then for lunch a large salad. I think I’m having another salad tonight due to lack of groceries . However, the Italian Red Pepper dressing is delicious.
My exercises for tonight:
50 Leg lifts
20 minute Jump Rope
I really want a treadmill. I know its pointless, but I hate running outside. I think it tires me faster, I’m not sure why…
I would appreciate any tips on binging, and perhaps some good healthy recipes I can try out. I am very openminded!
So, I know its a little bit late, but I had this HUGE ambition to lose weight during the Summer. Unfortunately, it didn't go too well. My mother and I took a trip to Chicago and found ourselves eating, and eating, and eating so more. I must say that regardless of my tight jeans, I don't regret eating all of that food. IT WAS DELICIOUS!
So I'm going to start my diet today, on July 3rd, 2010. I will hopefully lose about 15 or 20 pounds before I start school again NEXT month. I better get to it.
Anyways, I plan on eating small, and working out. I tried ouit the grapefruit diet, but it turned out to be too much of a pain for my parents to have to go the grocery store every three days to get me bacon (I'm grateful that they helped out out for as long as they did). Needless to say, I need help on this journey, and all the fad diets really don't do much except make you tired and hungry. I want to feel good about myself, for once.
Height: 5'10 or 5'11 (I'm not sure because I was 5'10 but then I'm taller than my mom now, so I might be 5'11)
My goal is 145, so thats 24 pounds! I'll be posting again in seven days.
Wish me luck!
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