Here is an excerpt from a piece I had written about a terrible decision to try being a door-to-door salesman. This is shortly after I quit my first job, which I held for three years. It is just a tiny sample:
~The trainer guy, Vic, had said to dress for the weather, but what did that translate to in the business environment. After all — air conditioning, 12 leather chairs, a white board, fully illustrated sales binders and marble front desk, a middle aged secretary and three private offices with retractable blinds — it had to be a business, a reputable one at that. As far as I was concerned — a reputable business had an image to uphold. Therefore Joshua Vanderstam would wear a tie for the reputable business.~
I would like to talk about something important. I want to talk about the colour black and its co-relation to sleeping. I rarely took a mental inventory about how much I require the colour black in order to fall asleep -- the numbers are adding up. An epifany is on the horizon.
When I sleep -- the room needs to be near pitch black in order to fake out my eyesight from wandering around.
Fake it out from looking for images and shapes. Or God-forbid the clock. The kind of stupid stuff you think you would get past in childhood.
Its followed me to early adulthood. And if I'm not cautious or drunk enough to notice, my eyes will wander when they should be closed.
All this probably has something to do with the womb, but I can remember a time in my childhood when there had to be a light on; in order to be comfortable.
What changed? What kind of mental/emotional shift would take place, that kicks the brain in the ass to the point where it requires complete darkness? And that's not the best of it.
I only just realized all this about myself when I started couch-surfing in early fall. If you asked me about blinds in my own apartment I would tell you about how they collect dust and are a pain in the ass to put up.
Its become an obsession to be honest with you. Why so black?
I would wager that in the cloak of complete black the mind has the ambience it needs to shut-off. And it is comforting!
There is comfort in completion. Who can argue with that?
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