I wish I had Three Bodies.
Three lives to please everyone
One body permanently at home.
She will stare at the walls of her nonexistent room if she has to.
Her family is pleased.
No interest in the outside world.
All she has is the walls of the house and the people who live there.
One body for adventure.
Reckless, following no orders.
This body has no commitments, rules, or expectations.
She had no permanent home.
It was always changing.
One night at her dearest friends, one night in the arms of a spontaneous lover.
The pattern was not possible to predict.
She still loved- just freely.
She chose the ones who were risks, a game.
She saw him. One night.
With so much rage inside her, caring too much, scorned, betrayed.
She saw him, wanted him, impossible to achieve.
And she did.
This body took him despite expectations of proper and appropriate.
She stroked the side of his cheek, tasted his breath, and whispered "Finally".
And the third.
The third body is for you.
The third body is what I am.
I tried to run from you, but I was not fast enough.
You found me.
You found me when it was too late.
But you still tried.
I thought I loved you, but I can never be sure.
I go through the motions because I am trapped.
Trapped in your arms waiting for a train.
But it never came.
If thinking what is wrong could actually be held against someone I would be ruined.
My only hope is that everyone else is thinking the same thing.
I got so angry at him.
I was filled with rage every time I saw her name on the computer screen.
He claims that he never thinks about her.
"Not Ever!"- exasperated frustration is so evident in the sound of his voice.
Maybe I was so angry thinking how I would feel if my past crept up on me on a regular basis.
Giving my brain a daily reminder that HE still exists.
How would I feel.
Conflicted, pained, tempted, at a loss.
Maybe I was projecting.
Projecting to the point I wept until I felt ill.
Separate names with a comma.