"What is this" is a question I can't really explain. My thought process has of late, become somewhat....distorted, more so than usual. And my reality, the three dimensional world I see with my eyes, and the fourth dimension - time - seems to have blurred and smudged a little. I am no longer able to identify the moments when I am awake and when I am asleep. I wake, I brush my teeth, I walk, I eat, I watch movies, listen to music, I got to sleep. One dysfunctional routine. I don't understand why I call it "dysfunctional". Is it because I like that word? Or does it signify something else?
When I shut my eyes, I see bright gold shapes, with black outlines. I try to remember them, to see what they are, but they move and change shape, like water flowing in slow motion. Sometimes I see when my eyes are wide open. Very, very wide. Or are they? Am I really awake, when I am awake? When walking down the street, the people I see, are they real? Or just a roll of film playing out before my eyes? Am I sleeping as I type this? Are YOU real?
I like fire. I can relate with fire. I feel the same hatred, and anger and rage that she feels. I feel the same burning desire to light a candle full of sinners and set the world on fire. I feel for her. But does she feel the same for me? Or would she burn me too?
I am in the mirror.
I am in the mirror.
I am in the mirror.
I am in the mirror.
I am in the mirror.
Look. There I am. Can you see me? Break it. Before I reach out and strangle you. What does that mean? I don't know why I said that. Does that mean anything to you?
Can I tell you a secret? You mustn't tell anyone. I once knew a boy named Mr. Vontez. When he was eight, something bad happened to him. He changed after that. Not changed in the usual sense. He stopped living, a part of him. The other part, kept the secrets. The other part wants to kill the mother****er who killed the former half of him. But then, a few years later, Mr. Vontez killed his soul. And he created a new person, in his head. That's the secret. Can you keep it?
Why do I not fear death? Am I already dead? The thought, "what if I die tomorrow" means nothing to me. What if you are dead? What then?
Nothing you see before your eyes is real. Nothing you see when you close your eyes is real. Nothing is real, and reality is an illusion. We are all dreaming. We are all dead.
What is this?
The Human Condition
I must ask that all of you keep an open mind when reading this. I'm just expressing my opinions (the way that I usually do, I warn you) and I don't care who disagrees with me. If you can prove me wrong, please, by all means, do so.
This is sort of like a blog/diary entry/random bull thingy of me trying to figure out why humans behave the way they do....(if there are any grammatical, spelling, whatever, errors, I can't help it. I'm too lazy to read thru it again.)
Why do people do the things they do? We are so caught up pretending, living fake lives, giving so much importance to things that are artificial, insignificant, and unreal, that we fail to actually "live".
Break ups, make ups, marriage, divorce, separation, jobs, presidential elections, secret agents, etc, etc. Has anyone ever thought that we humans actually made these up to make life more interesting? And now we are so far down in pretending, we actually think these things are necessary, required of us, that these things are what life is about. It's so insane.
Marriage and divorce. In every chick flick or in real life, the girl says "I've dreamed of my perfect marriage since I was a little girl." I say BULLSH*T!! If you were never told about fairytale marriages, and romantic getaways, if you were never shown videos of your parents getting married, if you never knew what marriage was, then you wouldn't be able to dream of it now would you? Get what I mean? All these things are passed on, word of mouth, and we just blindly follow them without question. WHY?
And then divorce. Uurgh. Why can't humans understand that it wasn't biologically meant for two humans to live together forever? Look at the statistics. More than half the people who get married, get a divorce less than 2 years later. If they did understand that, they wouldn't get married in the first place. Marriage is man-made. And is therefore obsolete.
Life's acutal purpose: Find suitable mate, make offspring, raise offspring, die. Thats IT. That is what is required of us. But noooo. We just find that boring. We need more drama, more oomph. So hey, lets throw in Marriage, to test how men can control their temptations. And when they do crack, lets call them "jerks" and "cheaters" and get a divorce.
It's nature. Why is everyone trying to fight it? I just don't get that. I mean, when a male gets married, he knows full well that he is not going to stop seeing other attractive women. And he knows full well that he will be tempted. So why get yourself into that? And yet they do. We are ****ing mammals for crying out loud. And thats brings me to sex. Why is it given sooo much importance? If you are married to one person, and you have sex with another you are called a "cheater" which applies to both male and female. WTF? What sense does that even make? What difference does it make? Its just sex. So what? Most of you will disagree with me on this, but yeah. If sex wasn't treated as something so vodoo, we wouldn't have some of the stupid bull we have today.
Now lets get to clothing. Looong ago we used clothes to protect our bodies, our skin, from weather, from disease, etc. Now we use it to hide our skin. WTF? What the **** are you trying to hide exactly? Can you answer that question? Everyone knows whats underneath, and yet we make such a big deal out of it when its JUST SKIN. We are conditioned to behave that way since we are kids, and we can't think of anyother way. Think about it. Its okay to show a baby naked in an advertisement about pampers. But when that baby is 17 years old, and goes running down the street naked, she/he will be jailed prolly. WHY? Can anyone come up with a valid reason why that is? I doubt you can.
Lets get to profanity. The word "sex". Is that considered vulgar? Or profane? No. But a synonym for it is converted to asterisks when I type it. Its considered a "bad word". And people who use it in public are stereotyped as "uncivilized" "unruly".
Have any of you thought that its just a word? That if we all stopped saying its a "bad word", then there won't be vulgar words? Its just a group of letters put together to form a certain sound when said outloud. And we regard this bad. Oh the stupidity. If you all just stopped labelling "the f word" as vulgar and profane, it would be vulgar and profane. Have you thought of that? I bet not. It's just so insane.
Lets get to religion. Now these are just my opinions. But just ask yourself, for once, just really close your eyes, and ask yourself and let yourself be completely, and totally honest with yourself. Because if you lie to yourself, then you really will never improve. If your parents, or your friends, or the tv, or the media, if NO ONE told you about "God", if you were never told about religion, would you really believe in it? Don't lie, please. You don't even have to post the answer here. Just answer to yourself. And for once, just be honest. Someone has to tell you what a Pagan is for you to be one. Someone has to tell you what a Jew is for you to be one. Someone has to tell you what Buddhism is for you to be a Buddhist.
On a different note, religion is supposed to bring people together, and yet, it does the exact opposite. It paves the way for exquisite bloodbaths and gruesome mutilations. Suicide bombings, mass killings, cartoon insults, etc. Why? All to prove that ones God is better.
And we need religion to tell us what is right and what is wrong. So, from a religious person I can ask "The only reason you aren't robbing me right now is because you are scared Satan will burn you in hell?" Because, that is the truth. That is what stops them. The thought of punishment, not the fact that it is wrong. How can we call ourselves civilzed when we need a book to tell us these things?
And then comes the small things. High school break ups, make ups, proms, etc. All these things. We pay so much attention to them, that we blow past the actual point of life. To really live.
So many people are so obsessed with being like someone else. Life is too unpredictable to not be yourself. Why would you wanna be someone else, when you can be completely unique being yourself seeing as you are the only one of your kind. Everything from your fingerprints to how many times your heart beats in your lifespan is different from everyone else. And yet you want to be someone else. Why?
"If you want to be like me, be yourself." - Marilyn Manson.
Thats all for now folks. Maybe some more later.
The point of this was that I need everyone to question everything. Don't ever follow a tradition, a culture, a rule, a fashion, a method, without knowing WHY. Always, always, ALWAYS question everything. Why would you want to spend your life living it the way someone else is telling you to. Because, I can gurantee, a majority of you have been doing this, unwittingly, unknowingly. But you have.
Question Everything. Always.
Don't do something because someone told you to. EVER.
Okay I'm done.
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