all those nights along the highway
all those lights
leading you back to my place
sitting in your car
we drove so far
jamie dont go home tonight
jamie i just need your arms around me so tight
another day another heart ache
i go to work and im not okay
till i see you then i just dont care
jamie dont go home tonight
jamie i just need your arms to hold me tight
maybe one of these days
you'll walk in through that door
you'll say im home now
and i wont miss you anymore
jamie dont go home tonight
jamie without you life just don't seem right
maybe i cant live without you
i dont know what it is that i love about you
but jamie dont go home tonight
lastnight i dreamed i was in heaven
but you werent there
there were a million smiling faces
but why should i care
for all the happiness and joy
my soul still felt weak and destroyed
heaven couldnt be enjoyed
everywhere i looked were angels
and deep blue skies
but there were no stars and no peace there
and then i cried
you were the only one i loved
and though id gone to live above
there was no peace without your love
i wandered lonely and heart broken
and then i prayed
i knelt before the holy alter
weak and dismayed
i couldnt bare to leave your side
and there was nowhere left to hide
the sorrow that i felt inside
and so i came back down to see you
and you'd moved on
you had a wife and two sweet children
for i was gone
and when i looked into your eyes
you couldnt see me by your side
you looked away and then i sighed
you had to live your life without me
and who could blame
a man for needing someone for him
to take his name
i turned my face back to the sky
i knew you needed love like i
and i'd just have to wait a while
when you hurt you know i feel it too
and when you cry it cuts me through
your tears all fall like acid rain
and i just want to stop the pain
you turn away and you wont speak
your eyes are tired, red and weak
i'll hold you so you know im there
to share your pain because i care
later when you fall asleep
i'll sit there quietly and weep
because i know your heart is breaking
when i can feel that mine is acheing
i'll never let you see me cry
i'll be there to wipe your eyes
because i love you i am strong
and i will be there right or wrong
sometimes i'll feel like crying too
when your heart has mended new
and there you'll be to share my pain
untill i'm feeling strong again
i say these things to let you know
that i'm never going to let you go
because loving you is worth the pain
time and time and time again.
After a further two, three, maybe four glasses of wine she felt as though her head were made of iron and her body was light as a feather. She sat for a moment trying to gather her thoughts, but as with most drunken thoughts they were fleeting and made little sense. He now sat in the chair beside her.
She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes in desperation as the room began to spin and sway each time she moved. His hand traced the skin on her cheek, they were cool. He raised her head with the tips of his fingers beneath her chin and kissed her softly. The noisy roar of the crowd had now faded into white noise and the bright lights from the bar seemed like no more than the headlights of a car far off in the distance.
Soon she found herself in the back of a taxi, it was dark and the swaying and bumping as they travelled (to where exactly she was still unclear) was beginning to make her feel sick. She raised her head and tried to focus her eyes. Then she asked the driver to stop and he put on his breaks fast enough for her to feel as though she would have fallen forwards had she not been wearing her seatbelt.
After a short moment of fumbling she opened the car door, accidently falling onto the side of the road where they had stopped. Her stomach wrenched and knotted to the point where she could no longer control it. Once her stomach was empty she felt two arms around her waist pull her up and place her in the taxi. What felt like seconds later his hand stroked her face and he lifted her up out of the taxi once more. Her body felt weak and heavy now as he carried her inside and upstairs where she found herself upon a large bed covered with white linen sheets that were cool and refreshing.
She began to drift into a sleep and just at that moment she heard someone walk into the room but her eyes were heavy and tired so she lay there in silence and let herself continue to drift further until she felt a cool hand brush away the hair from her face. She opened her eyes, and though unable to see clearly she recognised his face before her. Their lips met again.
He sat back towards the edge of the bed and removed her black knee length boots, for which she was grateful, as they were severely uncomfortable, as most women’s shoes tend to be. Then, ever so gently, he removed her jeans and her sweater, leaving her almost naked except for her underwear. He then sat beside her and lifted her body to pull back the soft linen sheets which he carefully arranged around her shoulders to make sure she would not be cold. Already undressed down to his boxers he climbed in beside her and with his arms around her watched her breathing in a sleepy shallow way. Her skin was hot to the touch and he wished to possess her. He wished to behold her flesh in the shallow light of the moon and press his fingertips to her lips and consume her intense warmth with his body with his hands, his tongue and every member of his being. She stirred as his hands breached her thighs.
She awoke the next morning alone. The cool blue light of the November dawn cast a pallid complexion across the room. She looked about for her companion, but he was nowhere to be seen and she could hear nothing outside the heavy oak door. Then realising the absence of her clothes she glanced about for them and saw them neatly arranged over the side of a wash basket in the far corner of the room. She got up and felt cold and self-conscious walking about the room with not a stitch of clothing to hide her shame and lifted her clothes from where they lay. Holding them up to the light she realised the extent of her drunkenness the night before. Her jeans were smeared with dirt at the knees and her shirt had what appeared to be a large stain from a spilled drink of some kind as well as a noticeable clinging scent of vomit. She could not wear these to work. What was she to do? Should she call in sick? She wandered. Just as she thought this the door opened behind her with a loud groan.
Turning to meet his gaze she now felt ashamed and embarrassed as she tried to conceal herself behind the grubby clothes that she still held with both hands.
‘Yeah, I wouldn’t wear those if I were you...’ he said in an almost casual sort of way then continued ‘I have some stuff you can wear if you’d like, but you’ll have to be quick, we’re leaving in ten’
She nodded timidly and followed him to another room where he handed her a black shirt and a pair of jeans. She began to dress and as she did she looked at him, her lips saying nothing but her eyes pleading for him not to watch. Seeing her reticent expression he turned and left in silence.
Standing now facing each other on the train they both seemed more real somehow. His messy black hair now seemed greasy, he was unshaven and still had the look of someone just risen from their bed about him. She became suddenly aware of the clinging scent of alcohol and vomit on her breath. She rustled and fumbled in her handbag for a pack of gum from which she removed no less than three pieces and then briefly met his eyes as she offered him the remaining two. He was so calm. His face offered no feeling, no indication as to what he felt about the night before. Perhaps he was indifferent to it entirely? She thought to herself. No. Surely he must have thought something of it all, but she did not dare ask him.
They ascended the steep hill towards the office in silence. Her mind was screaming and yet not a word could she find. Should she thank him? Should she apologise? Should she make light of it? She wished he would say something, anything.
As they stood outside the front door to the tall building she realised that she still had no idea what time it was. Searching in her bag once more and finding her phone she read the face, 06:34am it mocked. She must have been asleep for no more than two hours when she had woken; she did not begin work until half past seven, although she surmised that by this time he was already four minutes late. They stood and smoked a cigarette. He finished half way and turned to her as if to say something, but only nodded and turned away again and began typing in the four digit code to the secured door. She watched wordless as his outline faded behind the frosted glass pane.
What was she supposed to do now? She couldn’t possibly go up to the office, especially not straight after him, it would be far too conspicuous. It was half past six, the shops were not yet open and there were no parks or public greens in this vast concrete jungle. She resolved finally that she would have no choice but to hide away somewhere in the back streets, lest she be seen by a commuting colleague or worse from the office window. As she walked past the vacant shops and salons she caught her reflected profile staring back from behind the dark glass. She was pale, her mascara had run slightly under each eye and her hair was messy and she had no comb with which to restore it to its proper place. She found an alley way with a row of concrete bollards which she decided would be the most comfortable place she would find to sit or at least lean until she could return to the office bulding. Once five or ten minutes had passed she began to realise how cold she was, she had not noticed before when she was walking but now the hairs on her arms all stood to attention and she shivered violently inside and out. Why was she not wearing a jacket? The cold was now becoming a pain in her fingertips and she resolved that she would have to go into the office building. She would sneak inside without anyone seeing and hide in the ladies lavatory. There she would stay until it was time to begin work.
Now in the stall she decided she would try to make herself at least partially presentable. She pulled a compact from her bag and examined her eyes. As she struggled with a piece of tissue dampened at the tip with saliva to clean away the smudged mascara she saw how bloodshot her eyes were, so pronounced were the masses of tiny red blood vessels that from a distance her eyes looked entirely pink. She could not cover this with makeup. She would need a story, a wild night out with some old college friends would probably suffice. Some would probably scorn the idea for being irresponsible and foolish to do during the working week, but it was by far more appealing than the truth.
A loud click alarmed her, the cleaner was here. It must be nearly seven, she had fallen asleep leaning against the bright green wall of the toilet cubicle. As she tried to sit up and open her eyes they felt dry. ‘Why did I drink so much?’ she asked herself.
The day had been long and tiresome, the work drab and uninteresting, still there was the promise of tomorrow, a busier day, one that could keep a weary mind from straying.
It was becoming harder and harder to concentrate as the months passed and the glances turned into more lingering looks. What did he want from her? Was it all just some passing fancy that took him and left as quickly as it came, or was it? It was difficult enough coming to terms with the messy end to a yearlong relationship following a month long visit from her now former lover. The pedestal she had held him on could not withstand the fire he had started and subsequently her love for him crashed and burned with it. Now this. One moment she is sure of her Life, secure in her job, engaged (if only briefly) to a man she was sure she loved wholeheartedly. The next she is looking at the wanted ads in the back of the paper for something new, not knowing what exactly she was looking for. She was embracing hidden moments of unspoken desires with this man, this walking mystery wrapped in an enigma whose eyes spoke of nothing but darkness and intensity. Her life seemed no longer her own.
Her studded heels clicked on the brickwork pavement like a drum beating to the inescapable rhythm of her misery as a few sporadic drops of rain fell from the sky. Her bag felt heavy on her shoulder and she struggled not to trip as she leaned sideward to adjust the strap. You might imagine at this point that she is on her way home, as did she at the time, her feet sore, her back aching and her heart both, this would be no way to begin any enjoyable evening, and that much would remain true.
Turning the corner she saw the face she had so longed to see, her heart suddenly seeming lighter she smiled and outstretched a weary arm in greetings. Across the road, opposite the corner on which she was now standing, there he was. He was a vision. He swept his hair back against the cold breeze and her heart began to dissolve in his gaze. He waved his arm and beckoned her to cross over the road. Without a moments pause she stepped onto the busy road perilously close to the many passing motorists and almost running to avoid a collision as she sped towards him. Walking towards her he smiled jestingly as she caught her breath and fumbled in her pockets for a pack of cigarettes. She pushed the hair away from her face as she placed the cigarette to her lips and took a light from the silver lighter he proffered towards her. As she drew in the bitter smoke he placed his hand over her own to shield the flame that flickered in the wind, she focused her gaze to the flame but she could feel his eyes on her all the while, and the warmth of his hand against her own which were beginning to tremble, maybe with the cold of the evening air or maybe just the desire to return his touch. Exhaling deeply she glanced upwards to meet the warm smile.
Her excitable child like ways never failed to make him smile. Her hair was messy from her dash across the road but even still she seemed to exude a simple kind of beauty. Like a child she would take little persuasion to follow him to their secret hideout, and then the game would begin again where they had last left off. As usual he ordered her a large white wine and brought it to the table he had reserved before he left and waited outside to meet her. The timing of this was of great importance, one minute in the wrong direction and he would not catch her. Once she came to him they would linger outside briefly and then wander inside to the warmth of the corner they frequently shared. Then he would sit opposite her and for a moment as he removed his coat there would be a silence. He was always the first to speak and he didn’t care to rearrange this particular order of events that had become so customary and so the game began.
Their conversations always began the same way. ‘Good day?’ ‘Yeah not bad, you?’ ‘same old same old really, just the usual...’ it was difficult for her to separate these worlds, the office world where she suddenly became invisible as she walked through the door each morning and the outside world where she could be seen, where he would speak to her, a world where she could forget herself.
As she came close to finishing her cigarette she glanced across the road and began figuring what time the next train home would be. It was in half an hour, she wasn’t looking forward to sitting in the cold of the station amidst crowds of noisy commuters on mobile phones and reckless teenagers fooling around on the edge of the platforms shrieking. Then she felt a hand tap her lightly on the shoulder to grasp her attention. She turned back to face her companion. ‘There’s a drink waiting for you in there’ he smiled wryly as she pawed his arm playfully ‘you’re going to get me into trouble...’ she rimed wagging her finger. He knew just how to play her. The sweetness of his smile, the playful way he mocked her and the way that he always seemed to know when she’d had a bad day.
‘So, how are things with you these days...’it was a vague and polite question, something with witch to break the silence most delicately and unobtrusively.
‘Not bad, same as every other day really’ she stated with a mild laugh.
Something in the way he looked at her always seemed to give the impression that he knew what she was really thinking, although he never mentioned it. She glanced about the room awaiting further conversation and he began to talk about the summer party he was planning for the office. He was an interesting person to listen to, if only for the sweetness of his voice and the glorious shape of his lips when he spoke.
She played with her hair and he gestured to her hand as she did so. She stopped.
He laughed ‘why do you do that?’ looking slightly puzzled
‘I don’t know really, I just find it calming I guess’ she said with a smile.
‘You do that quite a lot don’t you? And you run your fingers across your collar bone a lot too’ His gentle laugh was intoxicating as he mimicked her actions.
She wandered for a moment how often a person would have to watch someone to notice such things. They continued to talk for a while as they drank and then went outside for another cigarette.
‘So, how are things with you the misses these days?’ she said, trying to conceal the grin that came when his phone rang the arrival of a text message that was clearly unwelcome.
He smirked briefly and then looking at his phone said ‘she’s not my misses’
‘Could’ve fooled me’ she laughed ‘I just meant, are you still together, getting along, you know....’
‘You have a lot to learn’ he said in a somewhat more serious tone.
She didn’t question him further, she felt that perhaps there were things she was better off not knowing, or perhaps she just didn’t care to. By this point I’m guessing you’ve realised, he’s not single.
Separate names with a comma.