Light. You and I are so similar. We were such good people. They esteemed us. They put us on this pinnacle. We were naturally good people, but we grew this thing in us. We had such good visions. How can such good visions turn good people into such horrible creatures? But it is us. But we continued to play the part because we were so natural at it. It was expected and we got this far hiding from our fears. This, our little secret, it eats at our hearts. We continued our lives gaining the world and realizing our visions. All the while, we fear the loss of respect, trust, adulation, but most of all the people we confide in. We will lose the comfort of seeing the faces look back at us and seeing a familiar face. We lose knowing that somebody knows us, or at least they think they know us. Maybe it’s the illusion of thinking that people know us that ultimately fools us, thinking we can continue with the façade that once was our true selves. We lose everything if the façade is broken. In the end, we are Mu. What does it advantage a man to gain the entirety of the world and lose his self? Light, we are Mu. The sun will set on us and we will see Mu.
Sometimes I feel trapped. In my body, in this world, or just in a place. It depends on what I feel that day, but its always trapped. If I could just sprout wings and see the edge of heaven. I'm freaking caged in something and I want to rip out of it, even if I kill myself in the process. I just want out. I'm tired living like this. Let me go, let me out.
Inspired by "Land of Twilight", "Passion/Sanctuary", "Come", [all anime music], etc, I have explored a great deal about myself through my ongoing story. I have discovered that I have places core aspects of myself in three of the main characters, yet they have developed into more rounded characters of their own. In a strange way, yes. I'm "coming out" through my characters. Out of all the people that I will basically lose because of this, I hope I find someone. Sometimes though, I feel like I will be alone in some way no matter what I do. But I want to write so bad about this, because it's me.
I guess writing my story will be like coming out. I have not talked to anyone about the story that I am writing. Then again, there is no one that I know that will actually understand. Mentally, I am just tired.
I wanted to explore some themes that may be unorthodox to the culture I belong in. Because of this, I risk dissappointing the people closest to me and giving up everything I know for a world that I will not fit in. I fear that because of this, I will ultimately be alone emotionally and physically. Still I want to know and explore my thoughts. I am combining the two themes most hetrodox in my faith and culture. My story is about a college student name Andrew who meets another young man named Shar. Of course, Shar doesn't reveal his real name to Andrew. With Shar's real name comes the knowledge of who he really is and the destiny that endangers their relationship and Andrew's life. This story of unrequited love turns into a conflict of interest and a struggle to express love. The Genetics Observations Department (GOD) is an organization that studying genetic engineering of human and alien DNA. Their current project is called Project Nephilim. And no Shar isn't a product of this project. He's destiny is greater than the purpose that GOD has for him. Shar also has a twin brother named Kara and a half brother named Baraka. Even they have plans for Shar a side for GOD.