Delusional rants from a caffeinated bookworm. . .
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  1. Author's Note: I wrote this last night, after months and months of not being able to sit down and write a paragraph I wrote this baby in less than thirty minutes. I know it doesn't make sense, and I'm not even sure what it is at this point. But, I'm proud of it because it felt SO good to be able to write again, and I wanted to share that with all of you. Besides, I think it's rather optimistic...for the most part. Oh, and there's harsh language, so please be aware. ALSO, I'm not hating on the book I mention, even though it seems like I am, I'm hating on the character so please, please, PLEASE don't get offended.

    The Backstory (Sort of)

    I’m not sure whether it’s because I’m 22, fresh out of college, stuck in the 9 to 5 cycle, or living at home that’s driving me up the wall. Fuck, I just re-read that sentence and it was incredibly depressing. Anyway, I feel like I’m on some sort of drug (or suffering from some sort of chronic illness).Let me explain.Over the last few months, I was on this weird high where I loved everything around me, and if you know anything about me, it’s the fact that I’m never that I’m-so-happy-I-want-to-hug-a-tree kind of person. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. I’m moody, pessimistic, bitchy, sarcastic, and insensitive. So for me to view the glass as half-full was a big deal. It all started with this damn book….

    Hector, The Fucked Up Psychologist Who Drugged Me With His Lies
    Warning: if you are trying to decide whether you’re reading a self-help book or not, 87.6% of the time, you are. The book was called ‘Hector and his Search for Happiness’. At first, I thought Hector was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I adored Hector and his quirky habits, and his unyielding commitment to all the crazy, convoluted people who stepped into his office. But like almost all of the men in my life, even Hector, a fictional character, failed to hold my interest. Now, I view Hector as a sorry, twisted, psychologist who has more issues than those crazy fucks who regularly sought his advice. His search for happiness wasn’t really a search; it was an excuse to take months off of work and travel around the world to ask people what made them happy. Seriously? That's like going to the doctor and trying to convince him into prescribing you a medicinal marijuana card to soothe those excruciating "headaches". Right....

    In the middle of Hector's seemingly serious journey (aka vacation) towards self-discovery, he shagged an escort his good friend paid for (what a useful friend), and fell in love with her. I’d like to take a minute to extend a piece of advice to anyone reading this entry: If you’re sleeping with a stranger and expecting anything serious from that brief sexual encounter, you’re going to be fucked (literally and figuratively) and forgotten like that 90’s boy band: Dreamstreet Does anyone remember them? No. Let me put it this way, Hector had a greater chance of getting a STI from her than evoking any sort of interest after she received her commission, which his friend had conveniently took care of beforehand.

    The Why Question We Never Try To Answer
    Anyway, back to me. At present, I’m stuck in this weird limbo where I’m neither happy nor sad. I’m a restless mess. I blame Hector. Is it because I subconsciously agree with all of the lessons he tried to teach me? So maybe I secretly envy him? *Gasp* All I know, I'm as empty as a black hole at the moment, devoid of any sort of emotion.


    I wish it was it was just that easy. I ask myself the million dollar question..and BAM! (*Insert non-existent Emeril emoticon* ) the answer appears in front of me as clear as a crystal and this existential dilemma ceases to exist. But, that’s not reality. Good old reality, always there to piss on everyone’s parade. The reality is that I may never answer the million-dollar question. I'll keep putting it off, and instead focus on settling into what my monotonous job has to offer. I’ll meander through life being comfortable financially, but end up emotionally unfulfilled and empty. When I’m 60 years old, do I really want to look back at my 20’s and describe them using words like “comfortable” and “calm”? Hell No! This is the time to, for lack of better words, fuck shit up.

    Take chances. Drink Unnecessarily (Optional). Make Mistakes. Stumble. Fall. Crawl. Anything.
    I’m not trying to be funny, I’m being serious. We (myself included) are so damn afraid to take a chance, because we don’t want to fail. In my opinion, that’s the definition of a paradox, because you have to fail at something to succeed. I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking of that one person you know who’s never failed, at least according to the conventional definition of failure. Let's call this person Glenn. (The conventional definition of failure didn't go to college or flunked out after a semester, spends his days whiling away doing nothing (see:bum), and goes around calling themselves a Belieber. )

    Glenn (Yes there are two ns, it wasn't a typo)
    Glenn graduated from college with a 4.0, and is now working at some prestigious corporation that offered him a six figure starting salary, and not to mention the 10k signing bonus. (If you know anyone with those credentials I just stated, kindly forward me his contact information, or I’ll give you my contact information and you can forward it to him. His name doesn’t have to be Glenn. I’d prefer a Gaurav….don’t juge me).

    In all seriousness, even Glenn has failed at something in his life, and this is not to undermine his hard work, determination, or intelligence, but to remind you not to gauge your personal successes with Glenn’s achievements, or the Glenn's of our society. You can’t expect a pig to fly. In this scenario, you’re the pig and Glenn’s the bird. And there are a lot of pigs in this world, but if all the pigs tried to fly instead of spending their lives striving to be better pigs, what’s the point of their existence? Just like what was the point of this weird example? or Gucci Mane’s ice-cream tattoo. Nothing.

    There is a point to this incessant rant. I promise. The point is, or rather the problem is we are so afraid of failing that it’s crippling our creativity. More importantly, it’s making us unhappy and happiness is something we have to create for ourselves. So, in conclusion, if you’re going to take anything away from this unnecessarily long monologue, it’s this: if you’re a pig, work towards being a better pig & If you’re a bird, stop shitting on the pigs.

  2. After three long years, I'm back!!

    Just graduated college & going to start work in August. In the meanwhile, I had the sudden urge to re-read all seven Harry Potter novels. I'm on Book II. As I was reading, I remembered how much I missed writing as well, and that was when I decided to come back to my roots!

    It's ridiculous how much I've changed as a person since the last time I was on here, but that's the beauty of life, it helps you grow as a person.

    I'm not sure when I will officially start writing again. Unfortunately, due to my hectic college schedule, I've been going through a mild writer's block :( All the creative juices have been sucked out of me and replaced with dry accounting concepts (ugh) However, I'm confident of their return....soon.

    In the meanwhile, I'm going to do a TON of reviewing so please feel free to PM me with requests. I will burrow myself in the fiction section, so if you have a Non-Fiction piece, poem, etc. that you want reviewed, give me a holler.

    Other than that, it feels good to be back :D
  3. Just when I thought summer was ending on a good note, I had to get sick. . . Ugh, and it wasn't even a legitimate sickness. It was an allergic reaction to an antibiotic I was taking. So, instead of reading, writing and reviewing I slept, tried to eat and spent most of my time throwing up whatever I ate. Not how I pictured my last week of freedom. :(

    Now, I have to spend most of my time packing to go back to school.

    So I told my parents I wanted to take a year off after college to do some social work and they gave me the are-you-out-of-your-mind look. I hate that look.

    On a side note: I made 200 posts on this site. I've never really stuck to anything so I think I can call this an accomplishment. :D

    Does anyone know how to post pictures in an entry?? :confused:

    [Edit]: I realized how ADD this post is. . . just saying.

    Take care!
  4. To Bee or Not To Bee by John Penberthy
    A book for beeings who feel there’s more to life than just making money.​


    Buzz, a hardworking bee, hates his life in the hive and is known for this eccentric behavior. His theories about God and humanity surpass his fellow mates.

    One day, he meets Bert, a wise, informative Bee who leads Buzz in his quest to answer life’s most controversial questions. Bert teaches Buzz to stop relating himself to others and find your own inner peace. However, these ideals are challenged when Boris, the bear, the attacks their hive, leaving hundreds of bees dead. This is soon followed by Bert’s demise and Buzz is shattered.

    He decides to go on a quest to find a happier place; across the tree line and to the other side of the valley. Through this journey, he not only learns a lot about himself but applies Bert’s principles, only to learn that true happiness cannot be pursued, it must be ensued within one’ mind.

    Will Buzz make it through the dangerous journey plagued with gusty winds and heavy rain? Will the survivors of Boris’s attack find a new home? Will Buzz ever be content with himself? You just have to read the book to find out.
    I was blown away from Penberthy’s ability to raise such simple questions but which had not one answer. A few quotes struck a cord with me:

    “The power of the mind lies in perceiving the differences; the power of the heart lies in perceiving the similarities. Which power are you using?”

    • “Religion doesn’t come from Gods; it comes from bees. Most folks don’t think they ca find God on their own, so they reply on others to show them the way. Problem is, God is within us as much as anywhere else, and most bees have a hard time believing they’re divine. So they look outside themselves in religion and ritual to try to satisfy their longing for God.”

    • “Don’t believe anything anyone tells you—unless it rings true inside”

    • “Who’s to say what’s failure and what’s success? Either way, you’ve grown. Success is simply being on your path. Only through experience can we expand beyond our limited perspective and start to see the larger picture of things.”

    • “Perfection isn’t some state of affairs, it’s a state of mind.”

    • “It’s perfect that we think life is imperfect. It’s what keeps each of us on our own unique path until eventually we realize our own perfection, our oneness. In my book, that’s heaven.”

    • “The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master.”

    • “In life, the pain is inescapable. Suffering is optional.”

    • “To the extent you are afraid to die, you are afraid to live.”

    • “Life is a journey from I to We”

    • “The more secure we become in who we are, the less we are threatened by who they were.”

    Yes, I am a quote freak. :)

    The last time I finished a book without stopping was the night when the final installment of Harry Potter hit the stands.

    Since then, I always wandered through Barnes and Nobles, skimming through a few books, but not really being captivated by any. So when I started reading To Bee or Not To Bee, I was surprised at how easily I was absorbed into this book. The book is an easy read but leaves you with some many unanswered questions; questions that you can answer only by looking within yourself.

    I highly recommend this book to anyone who needs a dose of inspiration and a boost in self-confidence. It’s short but full of insight on the human psyche, morals, life, death, success, failure, God, etc. . . the list is endless really. Oh, the illustrations are wonderful!

    Rating: 5/5 ☺

  5. I decided to post something a tad more optimistic than the dreary post before. I watched J.K Rowling's commencement speech in Harvard as well as Oprah Winfrey's at Stanford on Youtube. Both of them are truly inspirational and I strive to become at least half of the women they are today. One thing I noticed was that both of them talk about failure.

    J.K Rowling advised people to enjoy failure. I had always thought it was easier to say when you've reached the top but what she said made sense. It sort of strips away the expectations and obligations and makes room for improvement. Oprah Winfrey compliments this statements and tells us to ask ourselves "What have I learned from this?"

    Now, applying these wise words to my own situation: I didn't get into the honors program. I worked my entire year for a high GPA and thought I had a decent chance. What was even more devastating was when they told me they were concerned about my essay. . .

    My self-esteem hit rock bottom. However, I took it as a challenge and have churned out my first completed piece of writing. Granted, it's not over 1000 words but I had never experienced what it felt like to finish something. It felt good. I started on a novel (thanks to those who commented on the excerpt I posted!) and am well on my way to completing a short story. . . Other than writing, I've become more spiritual and positive. Now that I think about it, I should've written a better essay but the realization is important. . .not the regret.

    Oh and if anyone wants to check out the videos, here are the links:
    1. J.K. Rowling
    2. Oprah Winfrey

    What about you guys? How do you handle failure? Any comments about the videos. Anything?