Sad as it is it's completely true. I talk about my characters the way a proud parent would talk about their child. Maybe it's because I can't have kids... Who knows? All I know is it's kinda sad and almost feels pathetic in some strange way.
I am still enormously proud of them though. Anyone else do this?
I'm getting so close to being myself again. I'm right on the cusp of it. I can feel my creativity slowly coming back once more. Don't ask how I know this but it feels almost electrical. Maybe something electrical is going on in my brain when I'm doing some creative?
It's like I can almost touch it. It's so very close. I want to leap out and grab it but I know forcing it will make it slip further away from me. I'm going to make some artwork tomorrow that represents this. Also making another one that depicts how my emotions are returning. I'm not a shell any longer. I care. Oh but it's so amazing to care again. It really is.
I've always had very strong emotions. It's an integral part of my being. Often times it is the source of my artwork or writing. I believe the more my emotions come back the more creative I will become. They seem to be inexorably tied.
The other night I felt waves of emotions coming in on me. This time was different than before though. Since I started getting off cymbalta it really threw me for a loop emotionally. I was overwhelmed by my emotions. Now I feel like I'm swimming in them rather than drowning. That weird dreamy state of mind I used to get into so frequently is appearing much more often lately. Which is a very good sign.
I'm going to try to write tonight. I'm not going to try to force it though. Just pull up my stuff and see what happens. Wish me luck.
The famine ended last night. I was finally able to write. It started with a writing prompt that turned into a whole scene for my book! I wrote three pages front and back in my 9x6 notebook!
I'm so excited. I think the cymbalta stuff is finally getting better because last night I felt that creative urge I hadn't felt in weeks! It was so nice. I missed it dearly. Hopefully tonight will bring more writing.
I still believe that my severe writer's block isn't purely circumstantial. I'm trying to get off an antidepressant and it's been a nightmare to get off of. The point is I think it could be at least partially physiological. I have difficulty concentrating, often repeat myself up to three times, have to ask people to repeat things to me multiple times, and forget all sorts of things unless I write it down.
Plus the fact that I was much more productive with my writing before I got on an antidepressant. Another reason I doubt it's because of stress is because I am generally most active in writing when stressed. (in the past before the anti depressant)
I've had difficulty finding out if others have experienced similar issues. I do know though that the withdrawal is NOT normal. That I was getting off of it the wrong way.
Art and writing are very integral to my being. It's incredibly frustrating to always have thoughts and ideas just out of reach or lost in the fog. I don't feel like myself lately.
I can't wait to get out of the fog and back to my creative self. I know I'll get there eventually but it feels like forever. I'm ready to totally put this behind me.
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