So while browsing some of my written work I came across this poem... I think. Please note that I am not a poet. Not even sure if you could call this a poem. One day I just started typing and... well this came out. Oh and it hasn't been edited much so yeah. Thought I share though. When I was younger we played down by the creek. When I was younger you were not like the other girls When I was younger we would splash and play the entire day When I was younger I noticed why you weren't like the other girls. When I was younger I couldn't truly appreciate your beauty When I was younger I knew we would last an eternity When I was younger you became my first lover When I was younger the world was in our hands. When I was paralyzed I thought the world would end. When I was paralyzed, I knew the good days were gone. When I was paralyzed I knew I could no longer go down to the creek with you When I was paralyzed I knew I could no longer make love to you When I was paralyzed I knew I would have to walk again. When I walked again I was leaving behind a bit of myself When I walked again I knew I could never return to this place When I walked again I visited the creek and splashed When I walked again the simple joys of life was lost to me When I walked again I realized my life would move on. When my life moved on I never found another girl like you When my life moved on I went to college but I felt alone in the swarm of students When my life moved on I graduated but the victory over the professors was hollow When my life moved on back in 1956, I realized yours wouldn't I can laugh and sing and dance, when you couldn't. I can fall in love when you couldn't I can cry at a sad movie, when you can't. I can go down to the creek and splash to my hearts content, when you can't. I can sit with my grandchildren and tell them of the good ol days, but you can't. I can grow old with someone I love, when you will forever be 16. I was 16 when I found and lost my soulmate I was 16 when I was paralyzed I was 16 when I walked again I was 16 when I realized I can move on I was 16 when I realized you will never have a full life. A lot of things happened when we were 16. For all the pain I endured, for all the sleepless nights For all the times I thought I could smell your hair only to remind myself I cant for all the hours spent mourning for all the regret I have I know one thing to be true. I never stopped worrying about you I never stopped mourning you I never stopped thinking about you I never stopped hearing your laugh I never stopped loving you. So now I lay on my deathbed and I wait eagerly for Death. So now I lay on my deathbed alone with no one left to care about me So now I lay on my deathbed and I realize something and I smile. When a soulmate dies they are forever trapped within your heart. Its a reminder you see, that one day you will be reunited in death.
So I created a rather nice house design that I like in Minecraft. A bit different then the one that I had before. Basicly it had a tall middle with 2 rooms on either side poking forward with two doors to both rooms. The middle room allowed access to the roofs that would be fenced off. Well lets just leave it at its a nice simple design. So i decided to do some remodeling. Knocked down a wall here and there, basicly took down a second floor. I did some rebuilding, then knocked it down deciding to stick with the blue prints(a rough thing done in Paint) and then I had to move my lava around as it was in the way. Found a nice little place for it and had my small lava pool. Awhile later I was building/digging and I placed a wooden block accidentally over the lava area. Well in such a way that it caught fire. So heres the thing. If 1 flammable block is next to another and it catches fire? Well it goes from 1 block to the next to the next. Until it burns everything to a point where it can no longer jump from 1 flammable block to the next. My house? Almost entirely made out of wood. Luckily I went for the stone stair cases. But yeah my walls, my floors, my roof, all of it was wood. Bye bye house. Luckily chests arn't flammable... thank god. but I only figured this out after I placed water all over my important chest. But yeah. Good Game Lava. Good Game.
Its the only other explination I can think of for starting over and over and over again. Heres a list of my charaters. Unit7x Unit7xx xUnit7x xUnit7 xxUnit7(I think) Blackwood Blackwoodx John7 John7x Unit7a Unit7s Unit7awm Unit7xFire Unit7q Unit7b Unit7z zUnit7z Unit7zz Unit7hk and my latest Unit7y... as in Why am I starting over yet AGAIN?? Now those are just the names I can remember. I spent the better part of today trying to reach Staff Sergant(sp) 3rd Class. Which isn't exactly high, but on that account I was close to 2 hours of sprint time and almost an entire class in the game. When I reached the rank I bought a new gun that recently came out and I found I prefered a different gun. Which would be a better defense if... lets say I had spent a few days using it. No I spent less then 20 minutes and I ended up gambling the rest of my money away. Why? Good question. I wanted one of the guns in a Capsule Machine(as of late, I have spent near 200k trying to get 1 stupid weapon that will in all likelyhood gather dust in my inventory. Awesome) Another reason I restart over is because I can never keep satisfied with the rifle I get. After awhile I become frustrated with it. Whether its because of its poor handling at distance or because I find myself leaving my opponent with no health, while I am always dying. What makes things worse is that I almost always rotate between a few guns. AK47, M4, and the Sako Rk 95. One of my recent accounts I had been satisfied with a diff gun for quite awhile. My pointman gun and sniper almost always remain the same... that is when I get the courage to buy a pointman gun(I have this nasty paranoia about going below 50k. Something developed before changes in the money system) What I have learned from all of this is: 1) I must love trying to get 2 hours of sprint time(even though its annoying as hell) 2) I have more patience then I realize 3) I. MUST. NEVER. GO. TO. LAS VEGAS.(because right now I have only lost fictional currency and... well I suppose close to 15 dollars worth of Gcoins(coins bought with irl money or recieved through doing tedious process where you can get them free) 4) I love restarting. Though on the bright side AVA is a game that for the most part relies on skill and knowledge of maps. So even with a brandnew account I can easily compete with everyone else. So... thats not so bad. ... I am an idiot. Also my latest account lasted me maybe 2 days. I think this current one will last me about a week... even though I say, and I always say this, that this will be my final account. *sigh* Why do I do this to myself?
A very rough draft. But oh well. My own little happy ending for Drizzt. Though after reading the ending of The Ghost King I really hope that isn't the ending for those two. Something about it seems more of a curse then a paradise... and heres hoping something more comes out of it. But until then I got my fanfiction. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6504893/1/The_Death_of_Drizzt Hmm can we post links in the blog?
Well thats a funny word to say right now. So I have been reading the Transistions Trilogy by R.A. Salvatore and I am on the Pirate King. I came to a line, now maybe for some unknown reason its my copy, but did I just hear Rollibard question the reliability of Drizzt and suggesting he doesn't know his name. Bloody hell. Wasn't Drizzt and Cattie Brie sailing with him for like 6 years? Now if it had been Wulfgar then yeah ok. Rollibard never liked that one much. Of course just earlier in the book Rollibard was part of the Host Tower thing. But in a previous book it was said he was denied entrance which has left him rather sore about Luskan in general. But its not just this either. I am surprised at how many things are off. Now I understand the inconsistancies between Icewind Dale and The Dark Elf trilogies. Atleast as far as the whole Drizzt is concerned as he was never intended to be the star. Then there is Cattie Brie's cats eye amulet thing. Before it just allowed her to see in the dark as if it were a starry night out. But in a later book it gives her infared(sp) vision. Then there is a locket. First it was a loan to Bruenor, with Alustriel saying she wanted it back, then it was a gift to bruenor. Cattie Brie stole it from Bruenor, but later in a different book it turns out Lady Alustriel had given her a second one to track down Drizzt. Oh and then there is the whole Fog of Fate. Though I guess Drizzt may have clued him in, as the spell erases the memory after its ended. ... There are tons of them. Also hear that some collector's edition had been recalled because of the typo count. ... Almost all minor really. But I just love a consistant story and backstory. Don't even get my started on Sean from Boy Meet's World. First he has an older sister, then he is an only child, then a step/half brother, then only child, then another half brother. Make. Up. Your. Minds!!!
One of my favorite characters I created was inspired by the Ranger Drow Drizzt Du'Urden. Who is one of my favorite characters. I do not deny that even Mazrath's weapon choice of twin scimitars were largely based on Drizzt. In fact my characters creation was inspired by trying to create my own Zak and Drizzt. But in doing so I fear I have condemned my character to nothing more then a Drizzt clone, one of many I would guess. But not without merit. Mazrath is a Night Elf, which means he has gray skin. Not to unlike Drizzt's black skin. Their weapons are no doubt to similar. Perhaps not their magical abilities, as Mazrath's are black scimitars forged from incredibly strong metal and nothing more. Their stories, and even personalities are vastly different. This I must believe otherwise I will have to keep Mazrath into nothing more then wishful fantasy. Because if I couldn't then it would mean I truly just stole everything from Drizzt. The race of Mazrath, Night Elf, was actually more of a coincidence. He started off as an alt character in a MMORPG I play(ashen empires if anyone was curious) and Night Elf was one of the three races you can play. Actually Mazrath started off as the teacher, with Tazryl was the student. But I loved the name Mazrath to much and decided to switch the names. The personalities are also rather different. Drizzt is more of a stoic, patient, and calculating person. Mazrath is easily blinded by any challenge. He believes there is no challenge he can't beat... despite his belief he can't and costs him dearly at times. Mazrath isn't to stoic and he definitely isn't patient for the most part. If you haven't caught on by now. Yes this is very much a blog to try and justify my character as being seperate and different then that of Drizzt. I suppose in the end it comes down to my writing and how I tell the story of Mazrath.
After watching some of the guys at Zelda Eternity play some Zelda for a 96 Hour Marathon to raise money forNational Breast Cancer Foundation I thought I would finally complete Zelda 2 after being stuck on Dark Link forever. I had heard of a trick to beating him but never looked into it. Something about the trick seemed sorta like cheating. But I finally knew what it was after seeing the AVGN's review on Zelda 2.(which was a great episode too) So I figured I might aswell use it. So I did and I finally beat Dark Link and saved the Princess!! Though I would feel like I cheated but after all the crap I had to go through just to get to his Dungeon. I say screw it. Of course it might have been easier if I didn't have to relearn the tricks to dodging and beating some of the enemies... Either way I finally FINALLY beat it! It only took a few years(with loooong breaks inbetween because of my frustration) So yes!! (now go donate...)
I was bored and the idea of a creature walking in the shadows sorta popped in my head. I didn't bother doing any real editing and the grammar is horrible but... oh well I was bored. lol I feel as if I have always walked the shadows. Lurking in them, thriving within them. I was born in the light, but it was unforgiving. Looks and appearances meant everything to the light dwellers. I tried to fit in, I tried to make the friends that were expected of those who exist within the light. Everything I did was under a microscope. Nothing I could do or say would go unchecked. All eyes, even those belonging to those in the shadows, were upon you. Waiting for you to mess up, to say the wrong thing, to act the wrong way. When you are a light dweller, you are only a shell of your former self. You soon hollow out and become empty and void. Because you think this is what you want you begin to throw away everything that you are. You wear a stupid smile even when your heart is crying and screaming in agony. You move through the halls and you begin to actually think you are above all else.This is a mistake You are not. You are never above anyone else . Because someone who is superior is not a marionette. Whose strings are being pulled by your fellow light dwellers whether you or they realize it. I tried once to exist within this light. I hated everything about it. Now I dwell in the shadows and I am happy. I can do whatever I want with no one caring. I can be who I want, be with whomever I want. I can exist as I am. I can like what I like and love what I love. Because I am a shadow dweller. I walk the shadows knowing I am free, while you walk the light as a prisoner.
I finally figured out why I could never finish the NaNoWriMo novel I did last November called Becoming Dead. Turns out I have a better perspective on why alot of people don't like it(though I still enjoy the idea of the challenge. Because I am a really lazy writer) While I loved the characters, the whole Zombie Apocalypse, the relationships between characters. I really hated part of the book. Mostly because I didn't have a clue about anything military and so I created a very informal, Does Not Exist military unit(Unit 7 just for kicks) From there... it just went down hill. I mean I liked the characters that comprised Unit 7... I just didn't really know what to do with them. I know that the leader(who in all honesty at 20 shouldn't be their leader. In my defense, since 13 he had been training for the posistion. Top Secret Government stuff. *shrugs* but yeah you get the idea why it was bad. lol) He was simply there to kill words. But after November I kept telling myself 'next week' 'tomorrow' 'once I finish this short story...' I would get back to it. But I never did. Now partly because I also was a bastard and created a rogue group of bastards and forced 2 of my female characters... well yeah. Anyways I realized I hated the majority of my story. I couldn't finish it because what I needed to do was restart. I am sure much of the novel will be the same, except with the Unit 7 storyline nowhere in sight. I will also probably do alot more with Sam and her relationship with her Mother. It never felt right that I introduced this conflict between them and then have the whole city blow up in a giant explosion. Effectively killing the mother. After that I didn't even bring it back up! Anyways I have a good feeling about this time around.
I was browsing my fictionpress account and a title caught my eye. I had written it over a year ago. As I was reading(cringing that I thought it would be acceptable how I had formated the dialogue. It definitely wasn't standard) Anyways I started reading it again. Oh and I remembered my favorite lines 'A little arsenic in your lemon square?' and 'Step right up gentlemen, come and kick the arse out of the guy who defiled my only daughter!' I wondered how I had come up with that. Not exact quotes I don't think. Sorta have to read it to understand it. Then I read the ending and the very last line in the story. "Will You Forgive Me" Which is where the title of it actually came from. I was surprised when I had tears in my eyes. Its then I remember as I finished writing, I had tears in my eyes. How is it possible to invest so much emotion into fictional characters? Its not even something I could personally relate to. So now I am a bit curious. Has this ever happened to you? Found yourself in tears over something you have written or as you were writing?
Today my computer was acting weird and I did a system restore. Then when I thought everything was fine I went to google! Because I tend to google stuff alot. At first it would ALWAYS redirect me to some advertising page or something I didn't want to go to. So I run Malwarebytes Anti-Malware. I scan, and then it picks up something. I deleted it and was like 'ha!' so I test out google. It works. Or so I thought. Now while it sometimes takes me to the right place. But sometimes it just redirects me. Its a hit and miss it seems. ... DIE DIE DIE!!!
Today I was bored and I had this line stuck and felt inspired to do something with it. I thought of doing a small paragraph or two on it. Then I thought, why not make a poem of sorts? She waits down by the water. As the ocean sweeps past her feet she looks down, and wonders many things. She lifts her head to see the truth that never was Slowly she walks forward she can feel the cold ocean biting at her skin She walks forward and as the water rises she wonders something She can taste the salty water now she spits it up so she can walk forward some more deeper and deeper she walks until she can't breathe anymore and then she walks forward anyways Its very rough I know. I just wrote one line after another. It wasn't until I was done and the title had gone from 'She Waits Down By the Water' to 'She Walks Forward' did I realize what I had unintentionally done. The Ocean represents Life. Life is an untamed beast and it can be cruel. She walks forward even though her life feels overwhelming and can't breathe. So I guess roughly it's all about moving forward in life. Or something.
last week I started diging through duotropes and found an anthology to submit to. The deadline is the 30th. I knew I had very little time to try and perfect it. But I think I am more or less using this as a way to break the ice between me and submitting stuff. If it didn't have a deadline... the story would just sit. But as I write I am nearing 2k words. The word count is supposed to be between 3.5k-6k(with shorter/longer pieces of work considered if only really good) But I have reached 2k words and I just don't think I have really added anything to it at all. I guess I am just afraid that it might appear to slow paced and I haven't managed to grab the readers attention long enough to get anywhere. Its also that I didn't add any fluff to it. In fact looking over my descriptions and such it feels like a bare skeleton. As if I should add more to it. Yes I know, adding stuff that is not needed is not a good idea. But I think that I could add more stuff that could be needed. You know? I have made a grave mistake in trying to beat the deadline. There is no way I could ever polish it off before the 30th. While I know I could walk away at any point and can search elsewhere to submit it. I feel that I must submit it to this one. Not that I think I can make it, but rather I am just stubborn like that. Normally I don't care about too much but for whatever reason there might be sometimes I feel as if I don't go through with it. I will always regret it. Oh well I just wanted to rant. Hopefully I am just being to overly critical of my work. On the brightside I can't get better if I don't try. Worst that could happen is I get rejected which at the moment I am almost looking forward to more then being accepted. I feel its one of those mile stones and a nice 'Welcome to the Club.' Oh well. I am done and I should continue writing.
Because it shouldn't. Its stupid really. I met this girl online and we started talking. Yeah yeah I know. Something about 40 year old pedophiles and such. but we got to know eachother and would talk almost everyday. For some unknowable reason I fell in love with her. I fell really really hard. But I guess in the end we were just too different and over a period of time we drifted apart and... well now its up in the air. There are few people in this world I truly care about, of those few people only 2 in my life I have ever truly loved. She said she loved me and I was almost amused by this because I really wasn't sure if she meant it, or if she realized how much I actually meant it. Everything seemed to be stacked up against us. I knew this was how it would end. There was no way for this to have ended any other way. I want to be an optimist, I wish I could say I saw it all differently. But I knew that the second this started it was damned from the begining. I thought I knew this, I thought I realized this simple fact and had prepared myself. Why does it hurt then? because in the end when all is said and done. I truly loved her, with all my heart. For this, I am damned.
This hasn't been edited really. I am very lazy when it comes to editing. Something I am working on. So its still very rough, but I found this story stashed away and I felt like sharing it. Its not a new story and I hope I have greatly improved since I wrote this. Do You Remember? Do You Remember that day in the Park? The sky was cloudy and it looked fit to rain. The park was empty, devoid of all life except for the small chipmunks that scurried. We were there though, you remember? We looked up at the sky, tilted our heads sideways and laughed. If it rained, then we would be lunching on a drenched meal. Do you remember the conversation you had? Out of all the things to get into an argument over, it had to be potato salad. I preferred pepper on mine, you liked it without. We argued, but it wasn't in a mean way. It was friendly. We always could get into an argument about anything. Didn't matter how small, how unimportant it was. We could always gather our defenses, stock our ammo, and go to war. But always we could call a truce, perhaps leave the matter for another day, and walk into the sunset, holding hands. It didn't rain that day. I remember you making a small comment about how you disappointed. Do You Remember that day we went to the Beach? Now that day was perfect for a swim. It was boiling out, the air itself was thick with that dry heat. We blew off work that day, called in sick. Sick of the heat, I said as I hung up the phone with my boss. We grabbed some towels, packed a small cooler, and left. On the way we sang horridly along with the radio. Do you remember that? It always makes me smile. When we arrived at the beach it was packed with people. But we didn't let that stop us. No, nothing could have done that. We did find a spot, next to a couple of gorgeous women in bikini's. Do you remember what you said when you caught me staring? "Which pair do you like better?" You said all to casual. "Yours of course," I said trying to hide my blush. "So I shouldn't invite one of them to bed?" Thats was your reply. You never stopped amazing me, always kept me on the edge. It was a good thing the water was cold. Do You Remember the Funeral? When I heard your sister was killed in an accident, I saw the horror in your face. The tears glistening so brightly in your eyes. It was a cruel thing for life to do. That night we stayed up until dawn. We talked about everything, and had a few arguments that I will always keep close to my heart. Mostly though, we talked about your sister. At first you were crying, but through the tears and pain you told me stories. How on Christmas, when you were twelve, how you wanted a pony? You told me you knew you would never get a pony, but the hope was still there. How on that Christmas morning your sister, fourteen, managed to get you a pony? It was a small pillow with a pony on it. That was your big sister, she always had your back. As the night grew old and died, you were no longer crying. You were laughing and you were loving the conversation about your sister. When the funeral came you did not cry once. In fact... you were smiling. Do you remember that? Your family looked at you strange, everyone did. But you just kept on smiling. You knew your sister wasn't gone, she lived in each of us. If only we would allow it. You gave the eulogy and you retold some of the stories of your childhood. This, I will never forget. Do You Remember the lawsuit? We were driving down Maple Street, singing to the radio like always, I got distracted and plowed right into the back of some Judge. He came out screaming, and when I looked at the damage I felt ashamed. I began to apologize, that my insurance could cover us both. You punched in the shoulder, your eyes lit with anger. I cringed, I knew that look, been on the receiving end quite a few times. I am still unsure why you got so flustered. But you attacked that man with a verbal barrage I thought only possible in fiction. You did not utter a single cuss word. I remember you once told me it soiled the tongue. Of course the accident was our fault, but it didn't matter. That night when we were served the papers, you laughed. The idea of suing someone over a verbal licking did seem a bit humorous. Especially when the plaintiff did the same thing to the defendant. After sharing a good laugh, we got ourselves the best lawyer lemon squares could buy. Though I am pretty sure being brothers helped a little too. My brother was something else. The law suit was thrown out, still had to pay for the damages. But that was alright. Do You Remember our wedding? You had planned it for months, probably since you were a small kid. There were a lot of set backs, and we almost postponed it. But it was worth it, all that nagging you did, all those stupid plans. It was worth it. Just to see you walk down the aisle, dressed in the best dress lemon squares could buy, though I suppose having an aunt design wedding dresses helped a bit too. I remember that day, I always will. The way you smiled, the way you looked. You were a Goddess among men. I also remember the honeymoon... do you remember that? Do You Remember The Accident. We were driving down Ash Street. We weren't singing, but humming the tune loudly and out of sync. Of course that never stopped us before. We were just simply glad to be together, to love each other. Happy we found one another in this large world. We didn't see it coming though... it came out of no where. A drunk driver swerved, there was no time to react. I swear there was no time! Please believe me. As the Drunk Drivers truck plowed into us, I felt the car slide back so easily. I felt the force of the airbag. The last image I had was of your angelic face, blood running down the side. That instant, without thought or hesitation, I wanted to take that pain away from you and bath in it. You shouldn't have had to suffer. I know what you would say at that, that neither do you. But it didn't matter, for you I would endure hell itself.. Do You Remember the News? At the hospital the Doctor told me we lost the baby. It was why we were so happy to simply exist together, because the fruits of our love was growing within you. When you didn't wake up, I asked the Doctor why. They ran their tests. A young doctor, fresh out of medical school told me. Do You Remember this? Please tell me you do, please tell me you remember how he broke the news? I was right there with you, holding your hand. He said you were in a coma that the chances of you ever recovering were stacked against you. I looked into your face, the last thing you ever said to me was 'I'm pregnant' Thats when we got into the car, we were going to tell my parents first. Yours were out of town for the weekend. The last sound I heard from you though was that frightened scream. That scream haunts both my dream and my waking life. So now I sit here, whenever I can and hold your hand tightly. I bring lemon squares everyday. As I sit here I wonder if you Remember all the good we have had.