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  1. As I sit in the dark, I think to myself "I've never been more uncomfortable in my life." I am sitting on what has to be the World's hardest chair; a chair that had to have been designed, built, and distributed by Satan himself. Not only is the tiny chair causing my butt to go numb, but the room freezing and the T.V. is stuck on a Total Gym infommercial. This one has Chuck Norris in it. He is not nearly as cool as people think, and this commercial proves it. The remote that would save me from enduring another second of this televised Hell is tucked under the arm of a sleeping ETOH Parkinson patient. I dare not disturb him.

    I am tired. I'm eight hours into my twelve hour graveyard shift at the hospital. For the past four I have done nothing but sit in the same spot, stare at Chuck Norris, and occasionally struggle with the patient I have been chosen to personally watch. He can't leave my sight. Right now he is sleeping. Earlier he punched me in the neck. But what makes this whole night uncomfortable is none of this. I do it regularly. I'm used to it.

    What makes this night extremely, undoubtably, and uncontrollably uncomfortable is that I have to shit. Not the normal, everyday poops but the stomach wrenching bubblies. Diarrhea. I should have gone when I was relieved for my lunch break. Now I have to wait at least an hour to have the chance again. Wish me luck.