Why is fate always so uncertain, you think you have everything youve ever wanted, and just like that it seems to have diminished right in your very hands.. and there is really nothing you can do about it.. I honestly dont get why fate or whatever is pulling the strings, plays such a cruel game with people, and how they are.. and what they stand for.
Why as humans are we so afraid of them? is it the simple fact that we grow so attached to the things we truly believe in, or is it the sense of satisfaction, someone please clue me in..
Lately, Ive felt myself becoming more and more inclined to find little things in life to nit-pick about, I find myself bringing up the stupidest things to my girlfriend for some reason wanting to start a fight... I have no clue why, but i hate this, i dont like feeling like i need to fight with anyone. especially not my loving girl friend. I feel as if my behavior lately has slammed a wedge in between myself and others... I dont get it. I hate it, ive been very disappointed in myself lately, finding myself, picking out all my flaws and putting myself down. I know this blog is kind of all over the place but i am just flutsered, can really explain how ive been feeling lately. Im happy with my loving girlfriend, but i feel as if im annoying her and not letting her be herself... I know if i am annoying her, she wont admit it because she doesnt want me to be upset, but idk, theres just alot on my mind, ill keep the blog current with my thoughts.
HAVING A COKE WITH YOU
is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I'm with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o'clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles
and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it's in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven't gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn't pick the rider as carefully
as the horse
it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it
I have noticed, the more and more you fall in love with someone, you let things that youve never felt before, become a major part of who you are, I met this girl around 6 well 6 and a half months ago, when i was at my lowest and most depressed. She showed me its okay to be afraid, but its better to be afraid of things together rather than alone. Never feeling this way before (Granted I know its an over used cliche but i have honestly have never felt this way before) I let myself become something greater than i truly was, this girl showed me its okay to be myself around everyone, she showed me its okay to show emotions, its okay to speak my mind. No substance, Drug related, Alcohol related, or any substance that i abused ever made me feel as happy as this girl does. She has truly made my life better and i do not regret a day I spend with this amazing girl, she has taught me that love, the crazy thing it is. Will have a few rough spots and maybe even some majors ones. I fortunately have looked past those rough spots in the road and saw what we have as an amazing thing that will only get better with each passing day. I know this is some, somewhat deep things to say coming from a guy (to those of you who are reading this and dont know me personally) But I truly feel as if I am in true love, a feeling ive never felt before, im in love with this beautiful blonde hair, blue eyed goddess, who always knows how to make me smile and always keeps my head high and ALWAYS knows exactly what to say, For this I thank you baby, Youre smile makes me see clearer. I love you Hollie.
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