A Buncha' Stuff

Ugh... OK, my first blog on the internet ever. I have a YouTube account, and all sorts of accounts on various forums, but I've never done a blog before.

Come to think of it, I don't even consider this post to be a blog, so much as a way to clear my head.

Alright, cut the junk. Get to the point

I think my story/novel/whatever-you-call-it may be coming to an end, although it's not the end I was intending. I hit 40k last week, and I felt like I was somewhat on a roll, but know I feel like I don't have the slightest clue what I'm doing. I feel like my story isn't planned out enough, which I know isn't true because I have a 8,000 word summary/plot of the entire story. I feel like I don't have enough going on, that my current plot is rather 'stupid', for lack of a better term, and that I may not be able to finish the draft, while I still have an estimated 70k to go. I also think that I may not be able to finish my story because so many different elements in the plot call for experience which I am lacking of.

I keep telling myself that it's natural to feel this way, and that most first time writers do, but that doesn't really help. I tell myself that I can take as long as I need to with this, as I once read that someone took six years to do their first novel. But I can't help but feel that if I put this down, I'll never pick it back up. I'm worried that I'll let this story go into storage, and then some three years later or so, I'll open it up again, read through the plot, and think that it's a horrible story and toss it. I don't ever want that to happen.

It doesn't help that I have difficulties finding motivation at times, and with school coming up fast (nine days and counting, oh the overly-dramatic horror), I can never clear my mind enough to focus. Everything that helped me develop my plot, all the songs, stories, and movies, I'm sick and tired of all of them! I can't stand them anymore, which is horrible because that means I've lost my source of inspiration.

And then I have more to pile on to this. As I already mentioned, school is fast approaching. I've made a resolution this year to actually give a damn about my studies, and do work, seeing as my grades have been sub-par. my schedule for this year only gives me more to worry about. What with geometry, spanish, auto, and a vast list of other items, I fear that my workload this year will be all but over bearing, and I won't even have time to work on my story anymore.

Simply put; no inspiration and lack of motivation in story, but desire to to see it through to the end. Desire to finish story, but seemingly no time to do so anymore.

*looks up at sky and shakes fist* God, you're driving me freaking insane down here!

Sorry about the brain dump, but I felt like writing something, and this just kinda happened, so... yeah.