A long and difficult journey ahead
(Forgive me, I’m just spilling my brain)
Well as some of you know, after struggling with procrastination for almost a year, I stepped up to the plate recently over the past six months, not only finishing my first draft of my novel (part one of a larger story bound to me by an over the top imagination) I have written something near 200k words (Yes, yes, YES, for god sake I know). Which means either A) Cut 100,000 words or Cut/add another 20,000 and split the book into two (which is plenty enough to add further conflict/crisis and resolution, development and so fourth).
One thing i have almost learned (As apposed to years ago with my early attempts) is pacing (even though you wouldn’t think so with 200k words so far and in my head, it only feels like the prologue to the main story. Anyway;
What does bother me though was the first part of the story was somewhat of an introduction to the main characters (Protagonists) where the reader was to discover that each had their own weakness (Moral) which was to be resolved by books end, or at least truly rooted out and left bare to the wind (Like Alice in wonderland, while on the way to their ultimate destination). The Antagonists only were going to be in the Prologue and Epilogue (Again I know, but it was no info dump trust me) Building it up so a Major crisis could be born in book two (Which was to be predominantly more of the Antagonists side, creating the crisis). So now that I’m going to have to split what I thought was book one into two, its screwing with my brain how to deal with these Protagonists who I really don’t know yet. Which is the point of this.
The thing is, even though I consider the first draft the most vital stage of writing (I mean if you don’t write a first draft your story can never exists, right)? It just 99.7% self conscious writing. I mean I know where and what I want, I truly do, but I never put much effort into the whole thing; I just trust my brain with its imagination and let loose. But I never figured that the second d draft would be so daunting. On one hand I have so much to do, I actually have to be conscious of every move I make now and it actually scares me, because deep down I love, hate and enjoy being with what I have created, so every move now effects everything in a million different shades. But on the other hand, I can do whatever I want, I can turn him into her, I can turn her into a dog or that stupid donkey into a Ninja pirate monkey who will save the world etc., which even though I’m scared crapless, I’m more excited then a junkie about to shoot up.
Anyway I’ve only written about 10,000 words from the Antagonists side, and lick my lips in anticipation to go back their (I wrote the Prologue and Epilogue first, and the main chunk of the story last) So I have not touched them for over a year (Though I think I know them better then my main characters, who have only just discovered who they are themselves through circumstance).
A year ago I wanted my Antagonists to be really awful, careless individuals hell bend in protection what they have and spilling blood to get what they needed, but now I don’t know. I’ve changed as a person over the past year, and I know its not nice but I have discovered I have a lot of hate within me, and I no longer see evil as evil and good as good. I mean its not like what I see change in my life as nothing new to everyone else, its just lovely how the difference between evil and good is only a matter of opinion, and today, as of 2009, what is off opinion anymore?
Anyway from now until i finish my second draft and write my second proper book (Book 3) it should take another year to eighteen months and it’ll be somewhat interesting to see if my Good and bad mutate into the same horde, or pass each other by and become their opposites..
At the moment, if I could create something, I would love for my villains to have a romantic evil nature, one that is not of Hollywood illusion, but of true evil, the evil we see every passing day on the television, internet and so forth. I’d like my villains to actually have a soul, an opinion, morals and I hope that as “bad’ as they are, I hope that they can not just “develop” but become something that makes people question themselves and say, “You know what, his a bad arse mother, but I see where his coming from, maybe his not the man I think he is”. I want them to make the wrong decisions that break their loyalty to the dark side even if its for one moment, only to have a loneliness to take over and force them to do what they think is right, yet morally wrong and know it and feel sad for themselves. Indecisiveness’
Yet I would love for my Protagonists to come across decent, doing all the rights one would expect of such, yet somehow corrupt themselves into making wrong reckless decisions, and I don’t want them to know this at all!, I want them to fall into the pits of hell only to realise they walked the wrong path only to discover this when its too late to save themselves.
If I can have my “hero’s” fall from grace to never redeem themselves and have my villain see a spark of white light for only one moment yet use that too forever chance the face of the humanity for good, then I myself would be pleased.
I have a feeling its going to be a difficult, long journey. But I will attempt it nonelessless.
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