KazuHirA May 21, 2012
Well, I here are my thoughts on that story in particular.
Let me start of with the character, because this is my biggest quip about your story.
Give her a spine for heavens sake. Sure, this "I can't live without you" approach to a character has worked in the past (with Stephenie meyer) *shudder* but there are fundamental differences to this and to that.
First off, no body will give a hair's breath about your character if you introduce her like that. Seriously. I could not have cared less about the protagonist as a whole. You may able to show just about how spineless she is later on in the story, but not now. No one will sympathize or care for a story that starts off on such a note....
What i'm saying is give this character some spine, give her a life outside of love before pulling the rug from under her.
Give us someone to care about.
Your Prologue all the way down to the third chapter does nothing to give us any of that. All we know is that she is a needy, depressed and spineless semblance of a girl.
No one cares about that.
Start her off on a higher note and show who she is before expecting people to care about the character.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but that's my humble opinion on it.