“Are you here to tell me you want me, just, all of a sudden?”
Will had to admit that such an accusation was quite close to the truth. After all, he did come here for a reason, a reason he intended to make explicitly clear.
“That is the reason isn’t it? Well spit it out, I’m aging here.”
My God, she’s stunning when she’s frustrated. Even in hiding it, her vexation showed through in her pink lips and her slightly creased forehead. And her hands, her long slender hands, were resting at her sides with her fingers teased into being claw-like. So beautiful.
“You’re half right you know, but you’re wrong about something,”
She waited, knowing he would continue. Will smiled in recognition of her patience; it was always a golden quality with her.
“You’re wrong in the respect that wanting you isn’t sudden, it’s been plaguing me for months.”
He looked away, he couldn’t bear it if she rejected this as more folly, when it was the torturous truth.
”So what then, you’re just going to use me and then ditch me huh?”
“Don’t be so foolish, it nearly killed me leaving you before, and at that point I didn’t even know how I felt. Why would I want to hurt either of us ever again? I just – “
“Oh. So you would stay because it prevents you from getting hurt, do you even give a **** about me or what!?”
“Just shut up for five seconds! Please! I have to say what I came here to say. And you can yell at me all you want afterwards, but please, please just let me say my piece. Would you?”
She made a small gesture. In preparation for his big confession, Will turned away to face the wall.
“Ah...Danielle, do you have any idea how much you can torture me simply by being silent? You’d be surprised at the intensity of such a feeling. So I doubt you can comprehend the torrent of feeling I had when I left you. You have to understand that I only left because I couldn’t watch you throw everything away for me, you shouldn’t have, and I couldn’t let you. I realised that I didn’t know how I felt about you. I was too doubtful. And if it turned out that my feelings were less than what you thought...well I couldn’t let you abandon all the things you loved for something you thought was there, when it may not have been. I just couldn’t have had that on my shoulders, knowing I had taken you away. And, more importantly, I was sure that if I had stayed, then some day, not soon, but some day, you would have hated me.”
He paused, had he really just said that? Had he ever thought it in the first place? All he knew was that he wasn’t lying, and that he couldn’t stop telling the truth.
“One day, you would have realised your mistake, that you had left your family and friends for me. You would eventually have thought it to be an unfair deal. Admittedly I should have just told you everything before I went, but foolishly, I decided to run. I though it would be easier for both of us if I just left, like ripping off a bandaid. I thought, Ahh I might as well lose her now while she still has a chance, so I wont be here to see her despise me. But I was wrong. And now, I want to apologize for that. I’m sorry for leaving you,”
He chuckled slightly, remembering what he was doing to her right now.
“And for coming back, I suppose.”
He turned to look at her. The sheer shock of seeing her face was enough to completely distract him. She was no longer on the defensive side of the court. In fact, it was like she had crossed the half-way line to better see his face. His fiery and confident Danielle was now defenceless, un-armed, completely engrossed in his words, and staring relentlessly through him.
Suddenly, he understood. She was never told why, why she turned into a broken girl, why she refused to let anyone any nearer, most basically, why her William left her. Now she knew, and she had an explanation, and an apology. But she was still waiting. So he continued.
“When I left, it was like there was something lacking in the very atmosphere, you weren’t there, and I knew it. I realised that for that one blissful year I had gotten used to feeling you around me, sensing your presence, if you will. And I couldn’t seem to figure out why I felt so heavy, when only a few days previous I hadn’t even known how I felt about you. I lost everything when I lost you. I’m on the edge of a peak that I can barely see or understand, and I’m terrified of falling. I – I just, want...Ah...”
Danielle was crying, not hysterically, just two tears; one on each side. Her cheeks were a bright pink, flustered and, so, so irresistible. But her expression was the same; blank, resigned, waiting.
Gathering himself, Will tried to focus on what he was saying. But his thoughts had only one destination, her sweet, tormented face. Remembering suddenly his final, most climactic statement, Will fixed his gaze on her face. It eased his fumbling and hesitation to do this, to see her, with ears only for his coming words.
“Love or hate me, I’ll always want you. Only you. In my arms. Forever.”
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