[In order to make these reviews a little more interesting I’ve decided to review the 2000 film Battle Royale in the style of 18th century poets and use Heroic Couplets.]
'WHAT dire Offence from am'rous Causes springs,
What mighty Contests rise from trivial Things,'
Alexander Pope - The Rape of the Lock
BATTLE ROYALE is a film that’s real bad
But somewhere inside it makes me so glad.
What is it about this film that’s shitty?
MUSE! Aid me in explaining this myst’ry!
The story is silly, and poorly done;
Seems the director wanted to have fun
With an island, some school kids, and some guns,
And have one boy who all the girls love tons!
SHUYA can’t see that NORIKO Love’s him,
But they stay together because... it’s him;
The result: a romance that makes milk curdle...
To hell with just MUSE! I need VIRGIL!
The acting is bad, just beyond compare,
A lot of the characters are just ... there;
Getting themselves killed so the film can end.
So if you like that stuff – do not pretend –
There is enough killing to make it fun
But if you like a good story, just run:
There is nothing for you here, it’s just all
Killing, with one scene with a basketball
Game, and a ball in reverse gravity.
Just you try explaining that one to me.
But, despite all this; it does what it does –
And I’d not mind it if there weren’t a buzz.
(Stuff you! I know these rhymes are really bad)
But after watching it you are quite glad
And not just because the film’s over, either,
If I said I hate this film ... I’m a liar.
It has this weird charm that I can’t describe:
It’s feels somehow mature, and I ascribe
To this. It’s easy to feel that social
Commentary is it’s – well - it’s so called
Aim (if you excuse the pun) the people
Of this future JAPAN do not mind the game,
And some of its winners even find fame!
So what any message might be, I don’t know -
It can’t be very original though;
And I still don’t understand the ending!
What message, BATTLE ROYALE, are you sending?
[My god that was painful]
You need to be logged in to comment