When the darkest kind of conscious had past Daniel found himself in a dream like state that could only be compared to a type of excess which consumes all yet touches nothing. The paradoxical existence in which he found himself was sickening and liberating in equal measure.
Through it all he had only one desire. A desire to meld things into one to make things whole again. All the worry and confusion had become the joy he used to know. At the centre of this as ever was an opposite someone he could never understand and therefore never underrate.
Daniel above all else considered himself to be a part of something. Nothing bad or good nor pretentious but none the less important. This self belief led him to lead his life in an observational role a role which he enjoyed yet perhaps from the outside world left him a little bit difficult to read or even too love. This self inflicted role in life was taken out of choice and he regretted it not one bit. Unfortunately Daniel was soon to learn that the more you observe the less freedom you hold. To see people regret and to die seems such a more powerful emotion than to risk happiness in the first place. Despite this fact nature would always triumph over ego and regardless of his cowardly self he was to let himself become vulnerable it would and did happen.
Regardless to say and it seems unimportant now he sent close to 2 years in a state that hadn’t expected. He became ravelled in the emotion he had always looked in at. However his interpretation of this not flawed, but naive. Like a child learning to ride a bike he would not know what to do with his feelings. He did his best. He was genuinely happy. he stopped writing. he had thoughts that he had only seen in others. it scared him. he realised he didn’t deserver the happiness he had had. he understood why people make others feel bad. he accepts it he will not learn from it but will never forget it. he will risk his emotionally well beginning again for in truth it is worth it. without the pain appreciation is misunderstood word.
You need to be logged in to comment