I am nothing special, nothing of consequence really. I am an 18 year old girl with an unhealthy fixation with being tattooed and a need for literature. Really, I am nothing out of the ordinary these days. I’m short, only 5’1… tiny really. My eyes are green, not any special shade of green… just green. My hair has been dyed so many times that I hardly know my natural color anymore. I don’t have large amounts of friends; however the ones I do have are all good ones. I am not extraordinarily beautiful, I am cute and small… there is nothing wrong with that.
Then you came along, suddenly I am something special. Suddenly I mean something…
I blame you.
I am sure you will read this and text me, telling me that you will take that blame proudly. I know you too well already, boo. However, now that I said that, you won’t, just because I said you would … You were already thinking that weren’t you?
I feel as though suddenly being short is the most amazing thing ever, and I stand proudly at 5’1 with my head held high. Short girls do it better after all (whatever “it” is). Suddenly my green eyes are a wonderful shade, something truly unique. My hair feels soft to the touch, and the color now shines proudly in the sunlight. Suddenly… I am beautiful.
And I blame you.
It wasn’t supposed to happen, you know. I wasn’t supposed to love you. I shouldn’t even be saying this… since we are both a little edgy around those words. I do though… I find them almost slipping from my lips more often than not. Instead I catch myself, and find myself saying I adore you. If you haven’t already noticed… I say that to you a lot.
My heart is screaming at me to say something else. I remember how you told me that night, when we had talked until almost 5 in the morning. I wonder if you remember too, how you could barely talk, and my heart beat so fast I could barely breathe. After you said it, I couldn’t speak for a long time. When I said it back… I was terrified. Not terrified to love you, terrified to hear how you would react. I heard that sigh, by the way, the one you tried to hold back… I heard it. I just didn’t tell you.
We agreed that night, not to say those words too often, because more often than not they become habit, meaningless. Every night when I talk to you they are on the tip of my tongue though, and I have to stop myself from screaming it at the top of my lungs. Instead I laugh quietly and tell you I adore you…
But the truth is I love you… I don’t know when and I don’t know how; but I love you.
I blame you
I love you.
I’m your girl and you know it, you never have to ask me to love on you, I’ll do it anyways. Not because you want me too, but because I need to. You never have to worry about me trying to possess you, I could never want that. I want you beside me, cuddling with me as we read comics and nerd out.
I want all of you, boo. Every scar, every hurt, every flaw, I love it all. You are beautiful because of who you are, your soul is such a wonderful site to behold. I am just lucky enough to get a place in your life at all.
With all my love,
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