Today, I woke from a sound sleep. I went about my day, in spite of the fact that I knew I had to do something...something that was going to hurt someone, who I once thought loved me.
I pondered the moment over and over in my mind. The talk, the let down, the look, and I thought it would be cut and dry. You know, like I would just say what needed to be said and that would be it. After all, we aren't happy and he has already begun his independent journey into his own life. I just knew I was my own emotional rock. Yeah..think again.
The experience has proved to be anything but what I had imagined. There were no tears, there was no real let down...there was only silence. This very loud silence, and a river of emotion that has separated us. Two people who once laughed over pillow talk, shared secrets, and childhood memories. We now stood on opposite sides of this river, staring blankly back at each other.
Why is reality always so much more different than what you expect? Even the silence was hard, awkward. Somethings never make sense...this is no exception. Through this silence I kept thinking, "What happened to get us to this point"..."Where did we loose each other?" Clearly I should not be so naive to ask these things...looking back now, it is clear. I should have said this, he shouldn't have done that. Thus, here we stand.
So many thoughts in such a little space of time...am I strong enough? Can I make it? What if I fail? Can I find someone who will love me for the woman I am? In spite of it all, with my mind determined, I had too stick it out and see this break through to the end.
In the up coming week we will divide what is his from what is mine. I will fly solo..and take with me, my things...my treasures...my freedom.
You need to be logged in to comment