still can't make a thread so here's another chapter I've been working on.
“I’m gonna eat this cigarette.”
“Seriously dude, don’t you’re gonna get really sick.”
“I’ve never had a cigarette before. So leave me alone so I can have a smoke goddammit.”
“Having a smoke means smoking the fucking thing not eating it.”
“I’m not gonna smoke it. What? Do you want me to get cancer? Fuck no.”
“You just smoked a shit ton of weed, why won’t you just be a normal person and smoke that?”
“Bro, have you not scene all those anti-smoking commercials?
“That refers to smoking weed too, not just cigarettes.”
“Cigarette companies are the ones who make those, you know.”
“What why would they make something telling people not to buy their product?”
“You don’t get the law at all, dude. There was a whole law suit. The same people that own craft, like the mac and cheese, own a big cig company too.”
“What does that have to do with anything? Why are we talking about this? Spit that out of your mouth and let’s go.”
“Who shat in your cereal?”
Elena and I didn’t talk while we walked to our cars. Before I got in mine, she yelled to me “I really hope you know you’re a mess, dude. I care about you and all, but Jesus Christ, man.”
I couldn’t stop thinking about it on the ride home. I’m not a mess. Yeah, I say dumb shit, but that doesn’t mean anything. I might not be as obsessed with my future like everyone else, but it’s fine. I’m still in high school, it’s okay that my life is a bit of a question mark right now.
While I was listening to music, trying to forget what had happened, my car started making a jarring noise. I immediately pulled over to the side of the road, and smoke started coming out of the hood. I called my parents and they had it towed to a repair shop. I didn’t really pay attention to what the mechanic said, when we went there, but I know that my car won’t be able to drive for a while. I tried to block it out, when they were going through the details. I figure it’s enough to hear the basics and to try not to stress over it too much.
The next morning, I wanted a coffee and remembered that I don’t have a car to drive me to Starbucks. I had to fill my bike tires and ride two miles in the unbearable summer heat if I really wanted one. I concluded that the heat couldn’t be too bad and that it’d be nice to have a coffee with my breakfast, so I got on my bike and left.
I was a mile into it and felt fine. I felt better than fine, I was unstoppable. The hot air was pushing against my skin, but I ignored it and just peddled harder. I was going faster than I ever had before and loved it. I thought about how not even the terrible weather could stop me. For once in my life, I wanted something, and I went and got it, regardless of the obstacles in my way.
As I slowed down to find the bike rack I suddenly felt a soreness in my legs. I thought it normal, and walked my bike over to a rack. As I was inserting the code to lock my bike chain I felt a surge of tiredness sweep over me. I tucked the opening of the chain behind the rack, where no one could see it and left, hoping my bike wouldn’t be stolen. I went in, set my bag down and my body began to become aware of the change in temperature. Once I felt the cool air, sweat came pouring out of me. I grabbed five dollars out my wallet then walked up to the counter. My eyes couldn’t focus and the floor no longer felt still. It was like I could feel the earth moving under me, like I somehow became detached from it and I could now notice what I was too near to have ever before. I thought I was getting a head rush, which is normal for whenever I stand up, but I became concerned when the blackness of my peripheral vision didn’t go away after a couple seconds. Instead it just continued closing in. That’s when I realized I was close to fainting. Closer than I ever have been before, even closer than when I saw a dead body in that cadaver lab. I asked the lady for a water then paid her. I could barely see her face, although it was all I could make out. Everything else was black. I was scared about what was happening but was accepting of it. I’m a mess, this is just the kind of thing that that happens to people like me.
“You’ll probably wanna call 9-1-1.” I slurred out.
“Are you okay?”
“Does it look like it?” I started to fall back, but was still proud of myself for making sassy comebacks in the middle of a heatstroke.
“Someone call the police,” I could hear her yell.
“No, it’s fine, don’t.” I remembered how they stick ivs in you and there was no way in hell I’d let that happen to me again. I was able to find a stool within a few feet of me and sat down. I opened the bottle of water with a struggle, then started chugging. Within a few minutes my vision came back. It finally occurred to me that I shouldn’t have gone out in 100-degree heat without eating or drinking anything in the last 15 hours.
I waited five minutes, then got back up again to order my coffee. I got an espresso, because it doesn’t have any sugar in it. I felt myself getting dizzy again so I didn’t order anything to eat and sat back down. My drink was made quickly and I started to feel better. They only had pastries and the kinds of food people that still believe in the food pyramid would find healthy. I felt a strong need to be home so I got on my bike and left. I tried to ride slowly and bike under all of the shaded areas, so I wouldn’t over heat. Once I got home, I still felt dizzy, but I could see fine. I ate some chicken then finally sat down and enjoyed my coffee.
I finally relaxed. After a shower, I felt much better and after the coffee, I felt energized. I looked back at what happened as a distant dream that wasn’t quite scary enough to be a nightmare. I thought about how everything worked out and I did what I intended, had a coffee. The end justified the means. Tomorrow I’d just go earlier before it gets too hot. See, there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not a mess. I may have some trouble along the way, but I always finish what I start, and that’s really all that matters.
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