Defeated

The release one is looking for
while fumbling franticly
like life depended on it
literally, life depending on it
a razor slicing into naked flesh
separating into two
she had a hard time believing it
having contemplated the blood that flows
many times before
it was a distant thought
becoming reality
lips forming a smile
memories flashing
reminders of the pain

I think I will be happier here
my purpose only being to suffer
I can only sit back to watch
watch the memories fade
into something that is no longer a past
just a distant memory
that holds no meaning
that many will soon forget
and look past
no longer here
I cant worry
won't cry
I am where I should be
blood spilling down
trying to feel the release
but don't...
still feeling pain
the remorse...
then one I've never felt until now:
defeat.