Definitions

By Wreybies · Aug 26, 2009 · 447 · 3
  1. The other day I was thinking back on an ex-boyfriend and on the things that had transpired to make him get the ex- prefix on his title. He was only 3 or 4 years younger then me, but I came to realize that for reasons I had never been able to parse, he had gotten stuck in what I think of as the Definition Stage of growing up.

    We all go through this stage. It’s vital in the creation of who we are, and during this stage, the idea of definitions becomes very important and much more front burner than later in life when you relax a little and start to want to explore all the other people that you might be. I became rather aware of this phenomenon when I returned to university and for a while the guys I was dating were a good bit younger than I was.

    Well, my 30-odd year old boyfriend had gotten stuck in that phase of life and was unable to open up after that to explore the other things that are possible to be. He got frustrated with my amorphous nature. He never felt secure in who I was as I was exploring what was inside of me, and because of that he continued to feel less and less secure in our relationship.

    But, honestly, there was no way for me to remain where he was, figuratively speaking. I had already done that. I had already been a slave to the definitions I had created for and about myself, and I was tired of living in a world that was so small. I wanted more. I wanted to be more.

    I wonder sometimes if the quest that I have in life will always make it difficult for me in relationships. Will all the people I date wonder what is going with this little strange monkey they have met.

    I wonder if I am alone in feeling this way?

Comments

Sort Comments:

Sort Comments By

  1. Rumpole40k
    No you aren't. I have been blessed by a wonderful woman who has accepted and rode through numerous self reinventions and explorations. I have met more than a few that, while not completely understanding my journey, were and are more than willing to take the ride with me.

    Either way Wrey, you are most definitely not alone.

    ~Wolfie
    Rumpole40k, Aug 26, 2009
  2. Cogito
    Agreed. Many marriages and other relationships fail because one or both partners expect the other to not change, or to change synchronously with them.

    The strongest relationships are those which allow flexible growth for both; support and encouragement, not constraint.
    Cogito, Aug 27, 2009
  3. ChimmyBear
    Every relationship is a dance and a balance. We learn to step with our partner. When one of us changes the steps we can find ourselves dancing to a sound the other can't hear.
    I too, have found myself in your situation. It is a hard place when we find ourselves drifting away from the one person who is supposed to be there with us on our journey. We are ever learning, ever growing. Wisdom and age bring about what is important, and that is being completely truthful and honest with who and where we are. There is no room for compromise here, if we can't be the man or woman we see in the private heart of our being, we are cheating ourselves and the person standing beside us. The key is finding the right person who will walk beside us and support us as move forward into life.
    ChimmyBear, Aug 27, 2009
To make a comment simply sign up and become a member!
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Accept Learn More...
    Dismiss Notice