Demon Story Excerpt (Help Please)

Published by Kirvee in the blog Kirvee's blog. Views: 129

Because no one is responding to the thread it was merged to.

“Are you going to be ok?” Lorain asked from her position near the door to the small room.

“Yes, Lore,” He responded, standing up from his sitting position on the small bed as if to prove his point. “It was just a fainting spell and I didn’t fall on anything or hit my head. Besides, it didn’t feel as powerful as the last ones, so maybe they’re finally going away.” He grinned at her as if showing he was the picture of good health.

Lorain looked skeptic for a moment but smiled nonetheless.

“Whatever you say, Sam. So,” She uncrossed her arms and began to walk toward his standing figure. “Now that you’re up, why don’t we go get something to eat? You’ve been out for maybe an hour or so and we haven’t eaten in a while.”

As she finished making her suggestion she placed her hand on the boy’s shoulder, intending to help lead him towards the Dining Hall. The moment she touched him Sam’s eyes widened frightfully as the image of a blood-soaked corpse entered his mind and stayed there a few seconds, but the most frightening thing was that the corpse belonged to the girl in front of him.

Like a kicked puppy he yelped and shot back against the wall next to the bed, the loss of contact instantly making the gruesome image dispel leaving the girl he had known almost his whole life in his vision. He looked at her through scared emerald eyes as she blinked from his sudden action before giving him a quizzical look.

“Sam? What’s wrong?”

The boy had never reacted towards her like that, not in all the years she knew him before and after his body changed. She noted how spooked he looked and it thoroughly worried her.

Sam was breathing a bit harshly, as if he had just run a marathon and his cat ears were pressed against his head, like a frightened animal.

“Sam?” She tried again. It always worried her when her friend was in pain.

“I-I’m ok.” Came the meek response.

Lorain knew he was lying, there was no way he was “ok” after what he just did. For a moment she felt some indignation curl up her spine at the fact that she was being lied to by her best friend and was about to demand for the truth, but the feeling melted away when he looked back up at her with sad, fearful eyes.

At that moment, the thought entered her mind that maybe this was another side-effect to a half-demon’s awakening. The thought that it might be depressed her a little. Even though she did the best she could, she could never understand what the boy was going through with all the adjustments his body had to make to accommodate the demon half. She offered her full support regardless, because she was his friend regardless of this world’s twisted views and she was his only link to their world.

“Really, Lorain, I’m ok.” Sam assured.

Lorain hadn’t been aware that she had zoned out. She looked at him, smiling as if that was all the proof she needed. His ears weren’t pressed against his head anymore, but they were still slightly lower than they normally rested. She shot him a skeptical look, arching her eyebrow.

Sam threw up his hands, “Really! I-I think I must still be going through some after effects of the previous fainting spell. I’m sure I’ll be back to normal once I get some more rest.” He insisted, smile growing a bit wider in an attempt to reassure her.

“Alright…” she sighed in defeat.

If he didn’t want to talk about it then she wasn’t going to force him, but the idea that he was adamantly refusing to tell her what was wrong made her all the more worried about him. As she was walking to exit the room she stopped momentarily in the door.

“Sam?” She asked without turning around.

His ears perked up before his eyes moved to look at her back. The earlier smile was no longer there.

“If there’s anything you want or need to talk about, you can tell me. I’m here and I’ll listen, no matter what it is. Just like always, ok?” She looked back then, a warm and friendly smile on her features that silently said she would always be there.

“I know,” he smiled a bit too, “Thanks, Lorain.”

Her smile widened as she nodded her head a little before leaving the room to get food.

When his hyper-sensitive hearing assured him that she was out of human earshot the smile instantly fell and was replaced by a worried, thin line. Weakly, Sam slid down the wall he had hit in his earlier shock and curled himself into as tight a ball as possible.

The image from earlier resurfaced in his mind, albeit more faded, and he shuddered at its sight. There was so much blood, and in the middle of the pool was his best friend, pale and torn apart by what looked to be claws.

He furiously shook his head, trying to make the image go away, but it seemed glued to his mind’s eye. Defeated, he wrapped his arms around his legs and pressed his face into his knees in an attempt to make the ball tighter, his ears lowering to rest sideways on his head. As the image continued to haunt him he felt hot tears begin to fall from his hidden eyes. He pulled his legs closer to him as he sobbed, shivering from a combination of the image and his tears.

After crying for what seemed like a long time the image finally left of its own accord. Sniffling, he wiped the tears away with his arms and hands. The boy felt tired again so he weakly pulled himself up and collapsed back onto the bed, curling into a ball similar to the one he was in previously.

Sniffling, he closed his eyes to try and get a little more sleep before having to face everyone again after his fainting spell.

What’s wrong with me?" he thought to himself before drifting into a restless sleep.

The emotions I'm looking to convey are Sam's growing fear of being half-demon and his desire to not worry Lorain (especially with what happens in this scene) and Lorain's frustration at being basically useless and incapable of saying or doing anything to help her friend since she's only human and therefore can not fathom what he's going through. I'm also trying to show a bit how much she cares about Sam.

Any opinions/help?
  • tesseraction
  • Kirvee
  • tesseraction
  • tesseraction
  • Kirvee
  • tesseraction
  • Kirvee
  • tesseraction
You need to be logged in to comment