depression, my life with this emotion

Ever since i was a little girl, I've been bullied. Even now, I'm still being called names, thrown stuff at, talked about behind my back, and it still keeps going on even though my older brothers, older sisters, and parents talk to the kids or the kids parents. I kept my emotions hidden deep in my heart, so no one may know what i truly feel. I put up fake smiles, laughter, and some fake emotions on my face and actions.

That all ended when my Grandfather died at the end on July and some others too. Their death caused some cracks on the walls I made around those emotions and I exploded at some stupid kids that were throwing rocks at me. I lost it. I then started thinking of suicide until a friend of mine and her little brother visited here for a while. I had to leave a couple days after for a camp I singed up for. While I was away, a relative of mine asked me if I called my parents, I said no. She then looked sadly at me. That got me curious on what happened.

Later, I called my mom and asked her if anything happened. She told me my friends little brother and his and mine cousin had been found dead from drowning by the river not too long far from my village.

I couldn't believe it. I broke down crying right in front of my fellow campers. None of them noticed, i was sobbing without making a sound. Then my new friend, Tim, noticed something was wrong. I still had a grip on my emotions, when he asked what was wrong, I broke down. I sobbed on his shoulders while he was holding me. He was shocked, he didn't expect me to do that. When I calmed down I told him what happened. I went to the room I was sharing with another new friend.

Not too long after that, by the school, some kids thought it was funny to call me names and throw rocks at me. I yelled at them, told them I was thinking of ending my own life. I didn't. I never hurt myself. Thought that the pain my never go away, so I dropped those thoughts.

A few weeks after school started again, I let slipped about my thoughts. The school councilor told my parents and my family was sad when they found out. My mom cried and my older brother Vernon came and hugged me. They both told me that they will always love me.

After that, I slowly got over the thoughts, but the depression, the felling of being lonely, and loveless still there. But I hope to be over them soon...