Drifting So Far Away

Lately, I have had this feeling of drifting away from who I really am.
Life is scary. I am growing up, but I don't act like I am growing up.
Its a bit overwhelming knowing that I have to go to college.
Knowing that I have to growup.
I don't know what I want to do when I growup. There is so many things I want to do.
I don't want to sit in a office and work at Intel.
I want to see the world.
I want to be someone.
I guess the reason I want to be someone is because I feel like I was never anyone in the first place.
Like I was this ghost no one ever ever saw. No one wants to be my friend. Mom and dad sometimes forget about me. Or it feel like it. I feel like I am sad.
I am not mad or upset any more.
Just lonely, sad, and happy.
I don't even know what I am happy for.
I don't want a summer break. Because I do have summer break I won't be able to go on these forums for a while.
Talking to people is fun.
But it is only fun when I don't have to see anyone.
I don't want summer break because I know what is going to happen....I will be lonely again.
And when I am alone I think of things I don't want to think of.
I think I am suffering as well. I think I am suffering from Mythomania.
I love lying I don't care who it is. I can never tell reality from unreality.
I feel as if I am losing myself as human being.
I am feel as if I am not human.
I feel sick and lonely.
And I don't want to leave here.