Fictional Reality.

By Fei.Fei · Jan 20, 2013 · ·
  1. This is for anyone who is interested in getting an idea of where I’m from. It might be a bit exaggerated but that’s just to drive home some points. I tried to write is as close to the way it would be said here and I’m guessing some phrases might leave you confused. The setting has huge holes I’m aware that there are no scene or even character descriptions, I’m a little short on time but that’s really not an excuse. Feel free to ask me for clarification, critiques also appreciated, though it’ll be a bit tricky. I hope you'll enjoy trying to infer the meaning of a confusing phrase intead of getting irritated ;) Yes we can make a hissing sound with our mouths :p

    HOME
    The door swung open and an irritated man stuck his head through it to view the two sleeping forms on each single bed.

    “My friend, will you get up from that bed,” he barked sharply waiting until he received a satisfactory response. Leaving the door open, he went down the stairs muttering to himself.

    “Ugh, why can’t we sleep till at least 8 o’clock,” one of the awakened girls said indignantly, “For christ’s sake its Saturday! I’m tired of this house-”

    “You better shut up your mouth there!” the other girl hissed angrily, “What if he hears you? You’d be in big trouble.”

    “Muobo abeg don’t start, I’m not in your mood this morning,”

    “What did you just say?” the girl called Muobo wanted to know, “Look, Tega, I’m not your age mate, if you open your mouth again I will shut it for you.”

    Tega rolled her eyes at Muobo insolently daring her to do something about it. Muobo jumped up from her bed immediately, preparing to beat some manners into her errant little sister.

    “I will tell mummy for you,” Tega protested as Muobo was about to fall upon her on the bed.

    “If you like, tell her,” Muobo replied angrily, “By then I would’ve already finished beating you.”

    “What are the both of you still doing there? Clean up this house right now!” a voice carried loudly from down the stairs. Muobo eyed her younger sister and hissed then started walking away.

    Tega grinned happily having been saved from a beating. Getting up from her bed, she followed her older sister down stairs into the kitchen to get a broom. Her mother was already at the gas cooker preparing breakfast, her father at the table watching CNN.

    “Migwo,” Tega greeted each of her parents in their native language, genuflecting.

    “Vrendo,” her mother replied, not turning to look at her. Then she continued , “So this is the time your mates get up to take care of their homes eh? Must you be told every single thing that you must do?”

    “Don’t mind them!” her father added to Tega’s dismay, “They're just a bunch of useless children, all they know is take, take, take. Yesterday morning, I found that one on her bed playing with her laptop, I’m sure she’s not doing anything useful on the internet.”

    “Its not their fault,” her mother said angrily, “Anything they ask for, they get. If they had to hock satchet water every morning they would know where their priorities lie.”

    Tega felt like sinking into the ground, they had started again this morning, she’d just have to ride it out like she always did. Against her better judgment, she actually tried to defend herself.

    “I was on my laptop yesterd-” she began

    “Keep your mouth shut!” her father interjected angrily, “You children lack focus! Doing useless things like chatting, that’s how the other day you said you wanted to be a linguist. You are not serious at all,”
    “No, leave them, ”her mother said with disgust, “When they start earning peanuts or even end up jobless they’ll know where their life begins. I’ve told them, they better study medicine, after paying for their university education, I’m done. I don’t owe them any other thing.”
    Tega’s father nodded in agreement. “No child is living in my house once she finishes university. She should get a job and get married and live in her husband’s house.”
    Tega stifled the urge to roll her eyes. Personally, she didn’t see the attraction in getting stuck to a man who would just use you to have his children and care for them while he gave you some money for house-keeping and assumed his role was over.
    “Husband?” her mother snorted, “These ones that can’t even cook, which husband will they marry? Their mothers in-law would say they weren’t properly brought up then send them packing!”
    A phone began to ring cutting of her father’s response.
    “Hello, Dr Asagba, is the patient on bed still feeling pains?” he continued to converse with the other person on the phone and Tega zoned out when the medical jargon became too much.
    “Mummy did you see Dr. Edema,” Tega asked suddenly.
    “Yes, I saw her while was doing my rounds yesterday, she Temi has not yet gone off to school,” her mother replied.
    Tega turned to leave when her mother said,”When you get upstairs, return my internet modem to my room. I’ve warned you people several times not to take things from my room without asking. If I see sny of you with it again…”
    Tega quickly took off up the stairs, opening a door she peeped into her little sister’s room.
    “Ese,” she said gleefully,”Mummy is angry and she’s taking back her modem. Thank God! I’ve posted I posted my stuff yesterday, it was as if I knew this would happen. Aside from our phones we won’t have access to the internet for at least a month.”
    “If mummy and daddy find out that you’re busy writing stories instead of studying…”Ese trailed of in warning.
    “They won’t,” Tega said grinning, “I’m going to finish sweeping up stairs then I’ll move ahead.”
    “You’re going out?” Ese asked sleepily. Tega nodded and began to walk away throwing over her shoulder, “If either daddy or mummy catch you stretching on that bed you’re gonna get it as e dey hot.”
    As she bent from the waist and began to sweep the floor her ears snatched up a bit of conversation still going on in the kitchen which was also a dining room.
    “… wait oh, is Ese still on her bed? Jesus Christ, I will kill this children today, ESE! If I come an catch you there…”

Comments

  1. Fei.Fei
    I don't know what I clicked on but this thing posted itself and I can't edit it sorry. btw this isn't about me- totally
  2. goddessofwords
    Wow, your parents seem harsh! Where are you from?
  3. Fei.Fei
    Nigeria
  4. Jack Dawkins
    Yes this pretty much what I meant when I said to write closer to home but I'm having some continuity problems.
    “Ugh, why can’t we sleep till at least 8 o’clock,” one of the awakened girls said indignantly, “For christ’s sake its Saturday! I’m tired of this house-” I assume there are two sisters sleeping in and I have deduced that the sister who uttered this ws the younger sister Tega, in which case just say the younger sister said...
    “You better shut up your mouth there!” the other girl hissed angrily, “What if he hears you? You’d be in big trouble.” Again, I assume that this is the elder sister Muobo. So identify her here. Muobo hissed angily,
    a voice carried loudly from down the stairs. It would be better to say a voice carried loudly up the stairs. At this point they both went down stairs and tega was getting a broom.
    Getting up from her bed, she followed her older sister down stairs into the kitchen to get a broom.
    Tega quickly took off up the stairs, opening a door she peeped into her little sister’s room.
    “Ese, You've introduced another sister, a little sister, which makes Tega a middle sister. You should have somehow mentioned it earlier or at least had the two sisters overhear the irritated man shout at their younger sister. Also you wrote she said gleefully, try to avoid using adverbs after said. If you want to let the reader know she was happy, say something like she chuckled, she chortled or she chided.
    Ese asked sleepily She yawned and stretched her arms in front of her...
    I enjoyed you story Fei.Fei and could be expanded or added on to later.
  5. Fei.Fei
    yeah, my greatest problem is there's just no time somehow :D I came up with that ten minutes before I went to church, it definitely can be improved, was just going for a general idea, thanks Jack.
To make a comment simply sign up and become a member!
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice