Fighting a Shadow

By DeathandGrim · Jan 15, 2013 · ·
  1. KAKOOOOM! Lightning emblazoned the sky for brief moments, heavy rain slammed and battered the bridge with ferocity, drowning out most of any sound. Oh, and the Silhouette of a woman in a grey hoodie choking me.

    My head felt lighter by the second as she pressed down further with her thumb. I never even got a look at her face, don’t know her real name, or why this had to happen. Why she wanted me dead now. It didn’t make any sense.

    Okay, maybe I should be more worried about getting her off of me. She’s no frail woman, in fact, she’s quite heavy and surprisingly quick; I’m struggling to get her off. Ha, She must be pissed that I knocked her gun into the river. Well sorry Shadow lady, but the job isn’t gonna be that easy.

    I had enough of this shit, I jutted my foot straight into her with all the force I could muster up. Snarling in pain, she doubled back under the flickering street lamp. It gave me enough time to stagger to my feet. Cross eyed and gasping for air, I was struggling to get a hold of myself.

    What am I gonna do about Shadow lady? Please, what am I saying? I have no choice.

    My mind flashed back to our conversations. We surprisingly had similar views, even from our radically different worlds. This must be going through her mind too, it has to be. What is the reason that one of us has to die, why can’t she just let it go?

    F--- it. No time to dwell on this now, she’s probably planning to attack me right now. Wait, where is she?

    Poof! Her figure spontaneously condensed in with a black puff of what looked like smoke, like some sort of wizard. Pow! One hit to my face while I was still surprised by her little disappearing act. A hit hard enough to send me to the ground, face down. I struggled to get back on my feet, which I find is surprisingly easy when someone begins dragging you back up by your collar.

    She had me, although I could only see her mouth I could tell she was looking directly into my eyes, I felt that in my stomach.

    “I may have left out a couple of details about myself.” She denoted in her usual monotone voice, “Like how I got the name Shadow Lady.”

    Shadow lady raised her free hand and balled it in a fist. At first I thought she was getting ready for another punch, another really powerful punch. But as I watched her, her hand begin to turn pitch black and disfigure itself, as if her hand was made of soot, blowing away with an updraft.

    What the fuck is this woman!? I panicked to myself. I don’t know but I’m not gonna find out the way she’s planning. I quickly unsheathed my blade and flung my arm into her as hard as I could, breaking myself free of her grasp.

    “Uumph!” She staggered back clutching her skull, trying to shake the pain.

    Perfect timing, swing while she’s stunned.

    I took a running start holding my blade by my side and in one swing cut right through her with the perfect cut: directly under the larynx. Went straight through her like butter.

    KAKOOM!! Just like a cheap action flick or a climactic anime fight scene, it was as if nature was in tune with my actions.

    I turned around and watched for something to happen, anything. Maybe her head fall off her shoulders, maybe she’d stumble and fall to the ground, I’d go for anything that would explicitly say ‘this is over’ at this point.

    But she just stood there for a few moments, not dead. It looked as if she was thinking, and not dying. That’s the critical part here: she’s not f---ing dead or even dying.

    After a few moments of silence and violent rainfall, the worst outcome I could imagine: she turned her head over her shoulder, rubbing her throat around where I had cut, or where I thought I cut anyway.

    What the hell? At this point, this is what professionals would call the ‘acceptance’ step.

    “Cute.” She began, “So that was your perfect cut huh? I’m impressed, really.” She turned fully to face me, hand still rubbing her throat, “That really woulda killed me.” She spoke in disbelief, she wasn’t being sarcastic, she was being honest. I would have taken a normal human’s head clean off with a cut like that, I gave it my all.

    I was in far more shock than she was, it was like seeing yourself bowl a strike, only to watch the pins get right back up. Oh I’m in way over my head here, that was the only thought that was racing through my mind at that moment, and it was running Daytona Speedway.

    “Well.” She began to speak only to suddenly lung forward, fading out of sight again. I don't think I even had time to fully react before I was lifted off my feet again. Right in the jaw.

    I fell back to the ground again, luckily my head cushioned the fall. The violent rain momentarily got drowned out by a sickening crack followed by a loud consistent ring as I unfurled to the ground. Seconds later I heard the loud clanks of my katana ricocheting off of the stones far ahead of me.

    What a hit. This woman is inhuman.

    This was what I imagine falling off a building and surviving would feel like; the pain was akin to a railroad spike lobotomy, my vision was completely throwing in the towel, I‘d have better sight underwater, and my body was a complete wreck; nothing but twitching followed violent pulses of pain.

    This is hopeless, I had to admit to myself.

    “I can’t even… cut… her.” I managed to choke out.

    This is it, I thought. Her silhouette, or what I could make of it, came into sight as she loomed over me. This is the part where the hero has bested their ultimate challenge and happy ending for all except the guy who possibly has a brain hemorrhage.

    Except I’m not the villain here...

Comments

  1. Fei.Fei
    Well. I actually found this funny. Was it meant to be funny? Maybe its my weird sense of humor. Its interesting too though BUT I hit a few rocks.

    Its kinda vague, like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? I get the part were he's choking to death and the lady kicks his ass. He's some kind of hunter? I liked the way you used your words in your description of the scenes, just think you should give some more back ground to the story.

    Who's he or whats his name even?

    Whats their history? He seemed to recognise her.

    That she was impressed by his skill means something. He has a skill, what is it?

    Contradictions: Does he or does he not know her?

    "My mind flashed back to our conversations. We surprisingly had similar views, even from our radically different worlds. This must be going through her mind too, it has to be."
    THEN
    "I never even got a look at her face, don’t know her real name, or why this had to happen. Why she wanted me dead now. It didn’t make any sense."

    You would think after those kind of conversations he'd at least know what she looked like, or were they over the phone? Explain.

    Then the part about 'different worlds' can be intrepreted in so many ways, make it clearer. A world of spirits and humans? Rich and poor people? What exactly are we talking about here?

    'At this point, this is what professionals would call the ‘acceptance’ step' this needs some support, its just hanging there. I'm clueless :confused: sorry.

    Some grammatical errors too, go over it slowly ;) Right now, its just a man and a woman at each others throats in the rain- yeah, the guy might possibly have brain damage too...

    Its a good piece but needs some work, hope this helps.
  2. DeathandGrim
    Yes it was meant to be funny in a black humor sort of way ("I fell back to the ground again, luckily my head cushioned the fall")

    Its the prologue my current story actually and its good that you hit those rocks because that's what I wanted, I wanted to make sure the reader had questions that they wanted to find like:

    Who is she? She gave him contract work as a mercenary for a while because she needed the money and so did he for different motivations respectably (Contracts get paid out to the contract vendor and the mercenary 30/70)

    Why has he never seen her face DESPITE them having conversations? Explained near the end of the story that her shadow-based powers allow her a range of abilities which include removing reflection for her skin (which allowed her to conceal her identity in broad daylight)

    She's impressed by his "perfect cut" ability which he brags to her about in the story, to which she would impressed if she couldn't phase parts of her body at will (as evidenced when he went "through" her)

    Her real identity is revealed at the end: which she's from a more upper class than the MC (The two worlds they come from)

    Why are they fighting at night in the rain in night? She scheduled a meet with the character to betray and kill him. (Has something to do with her motivations and lifestyle)

    Also the 'acceptance step' is referring the final step of 5 stages of grief which the MC actually goes through in this scene where he final accepts and says "damn, I'm going to die." pretty much more of the black humor way of saying "I'm fucked" as he comes to terms with his mortality

    I just wanted to show exactly where the story was headed at the end and then tell it from the beginning, its great that you had so many questions and actually thought about it because I actually feel I achieved the desired outcome here

    Yes it did help alot, thank you. Also could you PM about the grammar?
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