Hi everyone

By Jasuke · May 19, 2009 · ·
  1. Hey I'm new here so I don't know how it works but anyways I putting a story online on deviant art and sice this is a creative writing comunity I thought that here I would get the most comprehensive comment on my work so here goes the start of my story:

    Large room devastated by fire and time past was filled with shadow as only couple of small holes in the roof let any light in.
    Room was filled with remnants of what seemed to be desks and tools all covered with a very thick layer of dust.
    Within the dust there were tracks leading from the door to a woman, she was on her knees rocking gently as she held a little girl in her arms, she was gently singing “Hush little baby” in the quiet of the room.
    Little girl just stood there with her eyes wide open, she was no more than six years old, she was dressed in torn up dirty dress and as the woman sung the song carried by the echo of the empty hall, a small stream of blood was flowing down the woman’s arm that was shaking while holding a knife tightly lodged deep into little girls back.
    And as the little girl stood there the woman sung “Hush, little baby, don't say a word, Mama's going to buy you a mockingbird.” As the single tear went down the cheek of the little girl she collapsed into the arms of the woman.

Comments

  1. soujiroseta
    If you want comprehensive comments on your written work its best to post it in the appropriate review room. Many people might miss it if you put here.

    oh and welcome, great avatar. Best thing ive seen all day!:D
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