Hidden Feelings

for most of my life i've been hiding my feelings behind a mask so i wouldn't let my friends and family worry about me. i wasn't doing it because i don't want me to think they think i am weak, no, i did it because i know they will make sacrifices to make sure i will be okay. i just don't want them to bother. i want them to know i can take care of myself.

so, for years, i have been hiding behind a mask. i don't even know if it was my true feelings or fake ones from my mask, i don't know myself anymore...

who am i really? am i Olive S. Kanayurak, daughter of Flossie Kanayurak nee Akpik and Frederick Kanayurak. Younger to 3 sisters and 3 brother and older sister to a sister and brother? or am i Olive Kanayurak who is careless, selfless of what is happening in the world? where did i go?

these are the questions that are running through my mind when i think over what i am thinking or before saying something.

i am independent. i don't normally ask for help on anything except for when i don't understand something. this is just the way i am.

i have lots of friends in Atqasuk, AK. they are the ones i grew up with and will always be in tough one way or another. the days may be long or short, i will forget them someday. i barely even remember what my childhood was like.

i will least likely change. i am way to much of a loner to talk about my feelings. i like to learn things by myself.

people here hope that i will soon open my heart and tell them my feelings, i also hope that will happen someday... and that my mask that is made of steel will break when the time comes...