How Not to Write

Published by VegetarianZombie in the blog VegetarianZombie's blog. Views: 101

I'm an old pro at this. Going on how many years ... I have no idea. I think it all started the day I declared myself as being writer. That's the easy part. The not writing part has taken some serious work. I think the hardest part is hearing reactions from friends and family about the current state of my writing.

"How's the book coming along?"

"Been too busy."

"Ahh, I hear you. Life can be pretty hectic sometimes."

Lesson learned - never talk about a book until it's published.

Is my life hectic? Not really and really. My life is pretty busy. A wife. Two kids. A mortgage. A pot belly. All these things take work to maintain. Not writing also takes work because in order to not write I have to convince myself that I wil write, thereby act out some drama to make me not write.

So if you don't want to write, con yourself into believing that you will write, and thus, you will not. If you do find yourself writing, make sure to have an open internet browser to next you. It doesn't need to point at anything. A blank webpage will do fine. Just keep that window open and in time, not-writing will assert itself.

My current problem is that I'm decidedly average at everything so far and it's not fun being average. Yes, I do some things very well, but from a distance, I'm clearly in the middle of the pack. This is because I have no drive to succeed in these things thus I will always be average.

But ... I can tell a good story. Or so I think I can. Definitely not in person, though. I'm terrible at telling stories in person. I tend to forget important details until after the fact, then I try to rewrite them in front of a live audience, requiring my wife to bail me out. This makes everyone uncomfortable.

If I know I'm going to be speaking off the cuff, then I have rehearse ahead of time. For example, at my brother's wedding, I was asked to make a speech and on the spot, I wove some excellent prose that brought many a tear to the audience. People congratulated me for my spontaneous speech. They didn't know I had spent several hours beforehand preparing that speech on the offhand chance I would be called upon to make one. I played the odds. They paid off in that case. But for every "impromptu speech", I have about ten that never found an audience.

Writing stories on paper? Well, I think I'm all right but I may have Stockhold Syndrome. So ... I've lately decided to take a break from not-writing and try some genuine writing for a change. I've been not-writing for such a time, that I may start not-writing again out of habit. Maybe these blog entries will keep me straight. We'll see.

In any case, thanks for reading. Now, time to change a diaper.
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