I Died Recently

By Quezacotl · Sep 26, 2011 · ·
  1. “Everytime a man things of death, he dies.”

    Every night I think of death. What happens when we die? Do we know nothing, as we did before our lives began?
    I know not what death entails for the one who dies. For the one who deals with death – it is like cutting off your thumb without feeling pain. It’s a painless, directionless, maddening agony. Since life hates an oxymoron, you want pain, you want direction, you go mad. How do you fight back when your enemy is time? There is no one to harm, no sure-fire preventative measures, nothing. Just time. Committing suicide is surrender to time, there is no way to cheat death.

    I love those who lie to make others feel believe. If they believe this lie, they may life it when they die, instead of us non-believers who are stuck in a existential black void for eternity. Though now I have seen the truth – how can I believe the lie?

    My grandparents say with time, all wounds heal, even those inflicted by death. These wounds heal, yes, but you are never whole. You can survive cutting a thumb off, but you will always be down a thumb. These are the people who face death and say – “I’ve had a good life, I guess I’m ready to face it anytime. I love you all.”

    Surrender, I’ve always hated that term. Compromise is only a little better, but surrender is an atrocity. My grandparents are willing to surrender. All their lives they have fought a fighting retreat. They were valiant, but now they are worn and tired. They will surrender someday.

    Damn it, I hate death.

    I wish I were like them – but I am too terrified of death. I tell myself “Don’t avoid risks in life to make it safely to death” as I close my blinds and lock myself indoors. I am terrified of life and death.

    I love the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It's advice "Don't Panic" has helped me move on from thinking of death every night. The final message in So Long, Thanks for All the Fish helps even more:
    “Sorry for the inconvenience.” - God

    ------
    Sorry to post such a depressing first post to my blog. Wrote all this last night when I could not fall asleep. Have to have an outlet somewhere, you know?

Comments

  1. Gracia Bee
    Sorry just had to add this about what you said "you can survive cutting your thumb off, but you will always be down a thumb":
    I read somewhere that this boy lost his thumb and two fingers in a freak accident. Doctors then cut off his big toe and placed it where the missing thumb was. This didnt effect his feet AT ALL!!!!! I thought you might find that interesting...
    And yes, surrender is a horrible word.
  2. mugen shiyo
    Hmmm...I wonder. Certainly a depressing thought. I like the phrasing though.

    By lie, do you mean religion? Lying seems to be beneficial as well, if not tactful. I wonder if I could make it through the year without lying and still be liked by anyone. If you are married or in any relationship, DO NOT ATTEMPT.

    I don't think you need to apologize for anything. Your blog, your thoughts. I am atheist so I don't think there's anything in the afterlife. That's pretty terrifying if I dwell on it, but you can't stop the inevitable so just concentrate on crap that makes your happy. Not beating off. You can go blind and then you'll just be running into things for life making death laugh his a** off.

    After this, I'm going to make some bacon, eggs, french toast, and sweet tea :p If death wants me it's going to be a food fight.
  3. CULLEN DORN
    Death and Birth are synonymous with Life; same threshold over an ineffable sphere.
    You step into one then moments later you step back again, hopefully much wiser and
    experienced than before.
  4. teacherayala
    I've been wrestling with some of these same questions. Strangely enough, my blog on death is very similar to yours--contemplating what afterlife means, what death means, and how religion factors in (or not at all). Walt Whitman's poem Song of Myself #6 gave me a lot of comfort. When you think about the natural and scientific cycle of life, we are still in the universe somewhere--just transformed into the eternity of Nature itself. I find this comforting--to know that death isn't just a void, but just a transformation both scientifically and, perhaps, spiritually.

    My husband was reading to me an article about neutrinos and the Hadron collider. Apparently the ability of neutrinos to travel faster than the speed of light gives a negative mass (a kind of nothingness) that perhaps could indicate that our experiences now are a kind of illusion in some way or at least hint that there is more to this universe and the matter within it than what we can observe with our five senses. They're still, of course, trying to go over the findings, and apparently it contradicts a number of the laws of physics, but it's at least interesting to contemplate.
  5. teacherayala
    Basically, after becoming heavier and heavier, once you go faster than the speed of light you suddenly get negative lightness and negative width. I reviewed the article...
  6. teacherayala
    I like how you worded this. I feel the same way.
  7. Quezacotl
    Sorry about the lack of my responses-
    Sorry Mugen -
    Sorry, I'm just really apologetic.

    I like that, Cullen Dorn.

    Nice to hear someone else is in the same sinking boat. Its nice to see we can both swim.
    Fizzix gonna Physics. It's pretty interesting what these scientists are doing. I can not wait till they prove you can study what you cannot see.
  8. Quezacotl
    Meine Fehler - Double Post
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