I hope you can accept my hand of friendship no matter how much you hurt me.
Right well. I was walking home today and I bumped into a guy I knew from Primary School. He took one look at me, laughed and said "you're still retarded you complete loser." Then he walked off. After a while i walked past another person from Primary School and they stopped me. They too laughed and said I was still a loser. I carried on still with my head held high.
Then i turned a corner and saw one of my friends from Primary School I stopped to talk to them. I expected them to be nice but no. They looked me up and down and said I was a complete waste of space. I walked on. My head lower than before. I walked past a teacher from my old school he said the same thing he told me I'd never be anything. My confidence demolished entirely, i flicked up my hood and trudged home.
When I eventually reached my serenity, completely crushed and emotionally destroyed, I walked straight to my room with a clear intent. I was going to end it. Going to end my pain, my suffering, my life. I opened my Facebook to leave my final goodbye and I saw i had 13 new messages. I clicked the icon and read them all. Tears were welling in my eyes as I read through them. I went to my bathroom and grabbed my razor and my dads bottle of painkillers and walked with great intent back to my room. The messages broke my heart more than the words said to my face. I opened the bottle of pills and emptied the bottle into my hand. Just as I was about to swallow them my phone rang. I answered as I thought my best friend deserved to know from me rather than someone else. "Hello"
"Hiya" I tried to keep my voice from cracking but she knew me too well
"Whats the matter? Why are you crying?"
"Nothing the matter. I'm fine really."
"No your not I can tell. What happened?"
I crumbled and told her everything. About the people when I was walking home, about the Facebook messages, about everything.
"Hun listen to me. Don't listen to them. I know this will sound like something your mum would say but its true they're only jealous they only say that to make you feel small. Look I love you, you're parents love you, all your friends love you, everyone loves you even if they don't act like it. If you died we would all be devastated. Not just devastated we would be destroyed. Without you nothing would be the same. Everything would be useless. We would all be lost without you. In all honesty I would have killed myself years ago if I hadn't met you. But you changed my life around completely. Not just mine I know for a fact that you have helped so many people even though you don't know it. There are so many people who's life's would have been so different if they hadn't met you. So even if nothing I just said makes you change your mind then please let this. I had no one until I met you and if you're not there I'll have no one again, I can't go back to that life. So please, Please, I'm literally begging you on my knees, Please don't kill yourself. If you do I don't know what I'll do."
I didn't respond for a while. I couldn't. i was choking on tears. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat. "Thank you. Thank you Thank you Thank you. I don't know what I was thinking. I if I died I'd miss my true friends far too much. Thank you so so so much."
So all I can say to any bullies out there is you're nothing but afraid. You're cruel to make yourself feel bigger and stronger. You're lonely and I understand but I want you to know that you will never win. You will never get the best of people who have amazing friends like mine. I used to think you were stronger than me but I know now that your just weak and no matter how sad or fed up I get that I will always have amazing people to turn to who will cheer me up but you are stuck in a dead end life of loneliness and misery. So as a final word to anyone who has ever put me down or made me cry I forgive you and I just hope you realise how hard it is for me to say that and I hope you are big enough to accept my appology and start a clean page between us.
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