if you'd asked me a year ago where i saw my life going, i could have given you a definitive answer. if you'd asked me six months ago it would have been a completely different definitive answer, but now i'm not so sure.
i don't know what to do without you. on one hand, i should probably just move on. he's waiting for me, and hes regaining his trust, and i know he cares about me, but when i think about you its just not the right relationship for me. on the other hand, i've never met anyone that i get along with and care about so easily, like it was just meant to be.
i think about you and you are everything that i want. everything that i've always wanted. you were supposed to hang out with kevin today, and you were supposed to get my number to call me because you apparently missed me so much, but its two in the morning and i've been waiting for a phone call that never came. i get that its snowing like crazy outside, and that you might not have even got to his house, but somehow, some way, it feels like if you really wanted to talk to me you would have.
its starting to get overwhelming. i don't know how to act when i'm around him. i want to play nice, and have an actual relationship with him, partly because i really do care about him and partly because of the guilt i feel for loving you so much, knowing how badly i would crush him, again, into pieces if he knew. the other half of me just wants to tell him whats going on because even though it would end our relationship, the guilt i feel is unbearable.
i've been imagining seeing you for over a week now. i want to see your face. i want to hold you and i want you to wrap your arms around me again like you're never going to let go. it's starting to feel like none of it ever happened and that it was all just some crazy dream.
i just need that one phone call to make it all better.
on other notes, to anyone who happens to read this, i'm extremely drunk, so this might not make much sense to you and the grammar might be a little off. . aaand i finally decided on the quote i want for my next tattoo. "we are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars." i love it. i don't know how i never thought of getting that before.
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