i need you.

I take it that this is non-fiction.

Okay, alcohol is a depressive, so it is no wonder you are feeling low and badly done by.

Sober up and look at your problem with a clear mind.
First - It looks like you are in a relationship. This being the case and if you are having constant thoughts about someone else, then it is time you thought long and hard about the relationship you are involved in.

Second - If I were you I'd make sure that I was stone cold sober when I got my next tattoo.

Best of luck!

I answered this blog not realizing that you had a previous blog on the same subject. Although what I say above still stands.

The man of your dreams has a wife and child. I am sorry to say this, but some men, and women for that matter, will say anything to suit their needs. You have to consider if he was being sincere when he whispered all those 'sweet nothings' or is he a seasoned cheat?

Most of us have had our heart broken at some point in our lives, we can for months or even years torment ourselves with that 'what if...' or 'if only I'd...' feeling but were will that get us.

I know it will not be easy 'it is not impossible' but you have to move forward with your life and if you are the one for him, then he will find you.

Try to get out and about more. Find new interests.

Once again the best of luck!

Listen to Trilby, sweetie.

And--I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear right now--run. Run as fast as you can from this affair. Of course I can't judge, not knowing any of the people involved, but your description of this man has all the earmarks of what Tribly called a "seasoned cheat". There are some exceptions (and you will try with all your might to believe that he is one of them), but your story is so familiar to me: the excitement, the obsession, the little compliments, the "one true love", the man who will even involve his daughter in the affair by bringing the two of you together. Please try to at least hear this: a man who will cheat on the mother of his daughter right in front of said daughter is not a nice man. No matter how secretive and discreet his behaviour. This is a huge red flag, carried in front of a marching band, waving to the crowds.

I don't write this to hurt you, though I know it probably will, and I'm sorry for that. But at least hear me out as the voice of experience. You feel elated. Something seems to be happening to you. It's Big Romance. It's Romance from novels, not just the "cheap" romance novels but the classics. It's Kathy and Heathcliff. The stakes are high, which only increases your feelings of desire and meant-to-be-ness. But, most likely, it is illusion. It is cocaine.

You sound to me like a loving, sensitive person. Yes, you are cheating too. You are complicit. But I don't think that cheating is in your nature. In other words, I don't think you derive a thrill from the cheating aspect of the affair. In fact it tortures you. And I'm afraid that in the long run it will tear you apart. By contrast, I will bet anything that your affair partner is getting a charge out of the cheating... spending the day with you and his daughter is evidence of that. It shows abhorrent disrespect for all involved. No one stands to gain from it but him.

I'm not saying that there isn't some true feeling on his part. He may very well love you, but I suspect that love means something different to him than it does to you. I don't think he has anyone's best interests at heart. In the long run not even his own. He is a here-and-now kind of person, the kind of person who can easily compartmentalize. You in one compartment; his family in another. But you sound like an all-or-nothing person. You are ready to give everything to this man. To risk everything and lose yourself in love. It sounds romantic but I think you will regret it. You stand to lose not just your relationship but your self-respect. I know what I'm talking about.

As for your "real" relationship, it may not be right for you. But you can't find this out while you are obsessed with this other man. I left my husband, my entire life, in the throws of passion for another (married) man. He said all the right things: he wanted to leave his wife, we were meant to be, etc. I had a good marriage. I was married to an exceptional man. I believe now that this other man was a predator. Something wasn't quite right in my life--and this something had more to do with my own self-esteem issues than my marriage. He sensed it. He was a master seducer who knew I was vulnerable. It wasn't his first time and it won't be his last. In the end my life was destroyed. His, on the other hand, moved along its same track, his marriage intact, his needs met. I don't think he came close to comprehending the pain and destruction he caused me.

I know you will think your guy is different. It's what I thought, too. At the time of my affair, I joined an online support group for women in affairs. Though I resisted at first, after a while I couldn't ignore the similarities in all of our stories. There was so much pain there. So many lives derailed.

But you have to follow your own path, of course. Right now you believe in this man, in your mutual love. All I can say is try to get some distance. Follow Trilby's advice. Sober up (both literally and figuratively). On a side note, my affair led me to abuse alcohol, which didn't help matters (or my health). Stand back. Try to assess your own mental and physical health. Falling in love, having a relationship should be a healthy thing. If it's not, if you are miserable, something is wrong. At least give this some thought.

[continued from above...]

Again, I don't want to cause you even more pain. These things are hard to hear. I certainly didn't want to hear them. The good news is, I'm happy now. Although I lost my husband, and spent a lot of time hating myself, etc, I've finally come through it. I'm remarried to a wonderful man. And the only thoughts of have of that other man--that Big One-True Love--are thoughts of pity and utter dislike. I fell for a bad person. I became a "bad" person in the process and was tortured by it. But now I've found a love so much greater, so much dearer than that destructive one. And you will too, whether it's with your current man or some other.

Of course, this is only guess work. But your story is familiar, and as such, I'd like to save you at least some of the pain that I endured. Take stock. Love yourself if you can. This man does not complete you. Only you can do that. And take care of yourself!!! You are not alone.